Spring is trying really hard to come to Vermont. Something bigger than us all is holding her back though. I started raking out my garden beds last week when we finally had a few warm days which melted the rest of our snow. A lot of the leaves are still wet, heavy and in some spots a bit frozen to the ground still. Despite these condintions the plants are trying so hard to come up and I am trying to get them uncovered as fast I can. I live for spring. I think I live in the wrong place though.

Since I can't really do much in the garden yet I have been busy planning what new things I am going to do this year. I am going to give up what was my main vegetable garden to make it more of a children's garden. I plan on having a bean tepee, pea structure, sunflowers and strawberries. I am going to try out these raised garden beds from Gardeners Supply for my main vegetables, and I also plan on creating two smaller beds for salad mix.



In addition to this I have been obsessed with creating a garden fort for the kids. I just found this at one of my favorite companies Magic Cabin. I am debating whether or not I should get the kit or try to build a structure myself. Has anyone done this before? If so let me know what materials you used for the structure.

Two weekends ago we went to Visit family in one part of VT and it looked like this.

Last weekend we went to visit friends in another part of VT and we did things like this

It has felt so good to finally get out and do some visiting. Both places are far from our busy little town. It was nice to be out in the country again. The greatest thing about VT is you don't have to drive to far to be in a small town far from it all. I used to live in towns like this when I first moved to VT in the early 90's. I moved to the "big city" when I was 21 because I craved music and nightlife. Now many many years later I am starting to want to go back to the basics. Both choices have their pros and cons. For now we are enjoying where we are at and given the fact that the economy isn't the greatest we will choose to stay put for the time being.

In the meantime I will still dream about the day I can buy a big old farm house like this one below. I took this on our drive last weekend to visit our friends.

Letting something go.

The other day while at the gym I was watching Rachel Ray (it was just on ok) and she had on a mom of two kids who told her story of racing off in the morning to drop off her oldest child at school, race home with her 10 month child, proceed to work her part time at home job, take care of the younger child, pick up the older one later in the day, do dinner, bedtime, and then proceed to study for the online classes she is taking to complete her degree. She was frazzled and didn't know what to do. I started crying on treadmill because I could have been looking at myself on that screen. I just wanted to shout out "That's me!"

I am burned out.
Last fall I took a web project management consulting job for two months at the company I used to work for. It was a struggle trying to juggle it all and I decided I would never do it again. When they asked me a few months ago if I would be interested in another project I had to give it another try. The extra money is of course a major incentive but so is keeping a connection with the company. The project was a very interesting challenge for me so I decided to take it. I have been working 15 hours a week managing the project from home since Feb. The process has been so much smoother this time. I learned how to better juggle my time and to really stick to the three hours a day I am supposed to work. It is hard to let those three hours become your entire day. It is hard to juggle it on top of my other responsibilities of mother, home maker and small business owner. You know what though? I am loving it.

But like the mother I saw on Rachel Ray I am getting a bit frazzled. The advice she was given was that something had to go. I have been thinking about this myself the past month. As much as I love the small business I am running I can't afford to work as much as the small business requires for free anymore. I can make a very good living if I continue with this consulting work and I can continue to be home with my children as well. I only have a certain amount of hours in my day and I have to pick and choose how I use them. I am not going to give up my small business of jewelry and books but I am also not going to expect it to become my main income and because of this I need to let go somewhat.

If I can keep the consulting work going I am hoping once my youngest is in preschool this fall I will have more flexibility and be able to go into the office from time to time until the school day is over. It is the best situation for me. So although nothing is really changing on the outside with my jewelry/book business, I am making major internal changes and boy does it feel good. Learning to let go and re prioritize things in your life whether it is work, school or activities can be such a refreshing and rewarding experience.

Yesterday was JB's birthday. He got out of work early and the kids and I surprised him as he walked in the door with confetti, party hats, and flowers. It was Enzo's idea. We then had an early taco dinner and I surprised him by telling him I had gotten our neighbors to babysit for a short time so we could out for a drink. After dinner we ate a yummy apple spice cake with butter cream frosting that I made. We put the kids to bed and went downtown. It was a short outing but it felt so great to be out with him.

Ice Storm

We had a crazy ice storm this weekend. Our telephone and cable lines broke from the house and got wrapped around our electric line and hung dangerously low over the street. A tree branch also fell on our electric cable lowering it so much we could not get out of our driveway. All this happened about 7pm on Saturday and stayed this way until 11am on Sunday when help could finally come. Here are some pictures taken the day of the storm and the rest are taken today when the beauty of the storm finally revealed itself.

New name - same but different game

I have been struggling between two blogs. I started this one when I first became a mother 6 years ago. It started out as a place for me to write about my struggles with juggling the new role I had as mother while trying to save space for my creative being. As the years went by and my family has grown, so has my creativity. After the birth of my second child came the birth of my craft business, the decision to quit my full time job and build a new structure around full time parenting and part time business entrepreneur. Just as my life has changed so has my interests in writing. I created a separate blog for my crafting business thinking I would try to separate that side of my brain from this one. What I have found is that they cannot be separated. I am one. I would not be the mother I am without my creativity. I would not be the artist and business owner I am today if I wasn't a mother. They both consume me, empower me, move me.

I have decided to change the name of this blog to upon being. upon being has been a phrase that I have used from time to time for short periods over the years in various online outlets but it never felt like the right fit anywhere until now. It was the clear choice to me when trying to pick a new name.

For the most part the themes on this blog will not change. The main themes will be around natural family living, craft, music, art, design, and books. I will no longer be keeping two separate blogs. I feel lighter already.

The url will not change but please if you have my blog listed on yours could you update the name from Mamaspeak to upon being?

thanks.

Weekly Status update

Enzo' artwork has changed so much this year. I am so proud of his budding skills. This is a picture he drew of our half dog Silis. Silis doesn't live with us but we have visitation rights (long story).
A picture of the boys today. They have this thing with strings. Forgot toys. They each just need a string and they will have a full day of fun.

I have been a busy girl. I took on a 5 week consulting job at my old company helping them finish up a website project. This time around I set some boundaries so I wouldn't get as burned out as I did in the fall. I am working roughly 3-4 hours a day from home. It is still a juggling circus as I drive Enzo to school, JB to work, hit the gym three of the days, then rush home with Sal in tow to log in by 10:00 am. This is after having been on to check email and set up my resources with their work for the morning all before leaving the house at 7:45. All in all I feel like I am finally getting the swing of it. It is hard since I have Sal home with me still but it was hard working full time out of the house too. Neither one is a piece of cake. I am just grateful to have this opportunity and I plan to keep it going as long as the work comes in. We are able to pay off some debt without having to pay any childcare so it is worth the sacrifice for now.

On top of this I have been busy building my new Barefoot Books business. I have my second home event next week, I have fundraising opportunities sent out to two local preschools, I have officially become a sponsor by having another Stallholder join my team, and I have a few prospects hopefully joining in the next few weeks. All of this in the two months since I joined. I am extremely excited to build my team and business.

Enzo has been on school vacation this week. It has been so nice to be able to lounge around in bed with the kids while JB has to get up and rush off to the bus. Sorry honey - that sucks for you. I love the break from drop off and pick up. What I don't like though is missing my rest time when Sal naps. We have had a mellow week because Sal ended up with pneumonia. It was a very mild case and he is fine now having been on antibiotics all week but it still sucks. He ended up getting nebulizer treatment and we were sent in with a home one. He goes in next week to get checked for asthma, allergies etc.

As for the weather - well I am sick of it. It is cold and snowy with no signs of spring in site. I am dreaming of my garden. I am planning on turning my existing vegetable garden plot into the kids digging area and instead I am going to have 4 raised bed gardens in a different spot for the veggies. I can't wait to get my hands dirty in the earth again. I am going to start my garden journal soon so I can plan out some new beds I plan on starting as well.

Dare to dream

The little movie that could Once was represented at the Oscars last night. The two musicians who played as actors in the movie as well were up for an oscar last night for Best Original Song in a movie last night. Here they are Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová accepting the award.


Here is the performance from last night


Markéta was not able to give her speech so they actually brought her out later so she could have the chance to give it. I can't get my hands on that video yet but I will post it once I do. It was just amazing to see these people win. You could tell how humbled they were by the experience. I was a bit afraid that crappy disney music would win over indie music since the three songs from the movie Enchantment were also up for oscars. I am so thankful the academy was able to see these well deserving and true talents for what they are. Watching Gen and Markéta win and then Diablo Cody for Juno was so inspiring. Three truly independent artists who really prove that anyone's dreams can come true.

Friday is Pie Day

Pizza pie that is. Having pizza on Friday for dinner is a tradition JB and I have done since before having children. Back in the day though we ordered out for pizza every Friday. Even after Enzo was born we were able to keep this tradition going. Once the second child was born and I stopped working we had to cut out things like going out for dinner and ordering pizza. So I started buying store bought dough and making our own pizza. I have recently moved to making my own pizza dough each week now and I am loving it. It takes a bit more time and there are some days where I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my order in, but I love the process of making the dough fresh each week. There is nothing like the taste of homemade dough. This is now one of the reasons I love Fridays. I love that it is the beginning of the weekend, I love making my pizza dough, I love happy hour, I love watching a movie in the evening with JB.

Hooray for Fridays!

Once

Once I finish school I will do this
Once I get a job I will do that
Once I have babies I will do this
Once my kids are grown I will do that
WAKE up - now is the time. Stop what you are doing and Start doing that one thing you have been putting off your entire life.

If you need some inspiration or are interested in hearing some of the best music ever made on this planet then you must watch the movie Once. Music has always been a big part of my life. It can move and motivate me. The music in Once has done this. I have always been one to judge music by my emotional reaction to it. The best music in the world to me can make me cry. It is very strange but certain music will strike an emotional chord in my body and make me cry. From rock to pop, folk to heavy metal - the best of the best will bring tears to my eyes. Let's just say it has been a while since any music I have heard lately has done this. The strike is over. I can't get enough of the music in Once. It plays over and over again in my head day in and day out.

Watch the preview for yourself below. If this song does not make you tingle you might not want to watch the movie. This movie is about the music. The actors are the real musicians. There is an incredible back story to this film that which I don't feel like going into here. My better half did a good job writing about the film here if interested. This movie was exactly what I needed to watch this week. I got out my guitar yesterday and played three times throughout the day. An act I have not done in some time.

Happy Valentines day to all.

JB brought me home these flowers last night and tonight we will enjoy some Lake Champlain chocolates that we got to share.

Got Art?

It has been a shock to my system this year to find out how little art has to do with my son's education now that he is in public school. Art class is once a week. Music class is once a week. Math and reading are every day. Now don't get me wrong. I understand the importance of math and reading. I love the fact that my child is reading at the level he is as a Kindergartner. I however also feel that art and music play as much of an important role in the primary education. I believe at the kindergarten level at least art should be a daily part of their learning. Basically what I have seen is that since kindergarten is public in my state they begin to follow the rigid rules public schools must follow which is teach to test.

Enzo not brought home one piece of artwork or any kind of summary or updates as to what they are learning about in art so far this year. Now to someone like me who lives and breaths the arts this is a big deal. When I asked his teacher I was told there is an art show at the end of the year and we are then given a portfolio of his work. This is great and all but to me art is not a side subject that I only care about seeing once a year. What Enzo creates and brings home in art is just as important to me as the weekly math and reading homework and projects he brings home. In order to get a full education I believe there needs more balance. It is unfortunate that in order to get an education richer in the arts I have to have a lot of money for a private school Why is it only those with more money have access to more choices?

I am keeping my fingers crossed about possible magnet schools being developed here. One of which would be more art based. I am not holding my breath though. I am sure my children will be well out of elementary school by the time it becomes available.

I just keep hoping and praying the No Child Left Behind Act will be revised and or demolished.

My daily fix

I have a weakness. I usually can't get through my day without it. I have tried to give it up but it just gets harder and harder. By mid afternoon I give in to my craving and pop some chocolate into my mouth.

Now any old chocolate just won't do. I am picky. I can't stand milk chocolate. It has to be dark. I have realized the higher quality the chocolate, the less I need to satisfy my craving. No crappy milk chocolate made with fake vanillin (yes look on the back - most are made with it now.) I want the real, dark stuff made with real vanilla extract. It is out there but you have to look.

My personal favorite is Lake Champlain Chocolates made right here in Burlington VT. They even have some great info on the health benefits of dark chocolate. All the more reason to eat some.

The way I satisfy my craving is to buy my favorite chocolate chips either these from Lake Champlain Chocolates, or these from Ghiradelli. I'm sorry but the cheap chocolate chips just won't do the same trick. The reasons these work so well is because of their size and flavor you can have just a few and you should be fine. Give me the cheap stuff and I would have to eat the whole bag. This way I keep a secret stash in the cabinet and I dip in just a few once day and I am good to go. Try it . I swear it works.

Enzo is reading!

He started a few months ago and has been progressing so much. In this picture he is actually reading this book to his little brother. It was honestly the most heart warming thing I have ever seen. He is in a multi age classroom. It is kindergarten and 1st graders mixed. He is in Kindergarten. I believe so strongly now in multi age classrooms for early education. It allows the children to get support regardless of their abilities. JB and I are both big readers so hearing him read for the first time was a wonderful milestone. We have been reading to him since birth. I can see the pride he now takes in being able to sit with a book and read it himself. We still read to him on a daily basis but we make sure he takes some time each day to practice reading on his own as well.

I'll have me some of these

Chocolate chip, oatmeal, coconut cookies

As much as I love to cook I have never been able to find the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe. So I decided to adapt one today and make it my own. I actually squealed with delight when I took the first bite.

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. hot water
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups chocolate chips
1/2 - 1 cup of oatmeal
1/2 - 1 cup coconut

Cream butter and sugars until smooth
Beat eggs one at a time, stir in vanilla
Dissolve baking soda in the hot water
Add butter along with salt
Stir in flour until well mixed
Add chocolate chips, coconut, and oatmeal

Spoon batter onto oiled cookie sheet and bake for about 10 minutes on 350.

This made about 3 cookie sheets full for me.

The coconut and oatmeal measurements are approximations. This was the part I added but I don't measure when I cook my own stuff so I don't have an exact measurement.

I did it!

I signed the family up for a gym membership yesterday and today I went for my first work out. I only lasted about 30 minutes but I feel AMAZING!

I have never been a gym person so this is going to be very challenging for me. I am committed to making the effort. I have to. I feel terrible.

I'm sick of it

I am sick of making up excuses
I am sick of feeling like a stuffed sausage everyday when I try to get dressed.
I am sick of wearing baggy clothes
I am sick of looking like I just had a baby even though it has almost been three years
I am sick of saying I don't have time to work out
I am sick of pretending I can eat how I want and get away with not exercising. That only happens in your 20's.

We have decided to get a family membership gym membership

No more excuses

This is it!

Resusable Bags - Fashion & Function

If you thought carrying around a reusable cloth shopping bag had to be a fashion nightmare think again. Not all the bags are white cotton or hemp. These stylish and colorful reusable bags from Baggu are anything but ordinary.

You can buy in packs of one, three and six. You can pick your own colors and add a storage sack to your order too. Stuff them all in the storage sack and away you go.

Find these bags at Baggu

Some facts on plastic bags from the baggue website

PLASTIC BAGS & THE PLANET The average family brings home 1,000 bags every year. Most of those bags end up in land fills. That really adds up - 100 billion plastic bags are sent to landfill in the US each year.

In landfills, it can take up to 1000 years for a bag to decompose. Plastics don't biodegrade, they photo-degrade, breaking down into tiny toxic pieces that contaminate soil and water or harm wildlife.

Every time you use your Baggu bag instead of plastic or paper you are doing something Good.

the Green Movement

me circa 1991 - high school talent show

I believe I was born an activist. I cannot remember a day when I wasn't questioning authority or pushing for change of some sort. I am sure my parents can attest that this frame of mind was born in me. My earliest memory of resisting rules was in school. By the time I hit high school it was clear to me that I was like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I did understand nor agree with the bell system. Why was I sent to the office if I came in a minute after the bell rang but a teacher could walk into class late? Why did I need a pass to go to the bathroom? Why couldn't I eat during study hall if I was hungry? I felt and still do that young adults need some freedom to grow and ready themselves for adulthood. When I was in school Martin Luther King day was not observed. My junior year of high-school I participated in a protest at our school fighting for the school to observe this day. We held a sit in outside the school's office and did not attend classes all day. Half way through the day we moved the sit in to the library where one by one we got up and spoke about why we felt the day should be observed. We spoke from out heart, read excerpts from books and I even read one of my own poems.

The school responded. They could not change the fact that the state did not at that time recognize it as a state holiday but they promised to recognize it within the school by having an assembly the next year and doing other in class activities. I felt proud at that moment. I still remember the feeling of accomplishment. We stood up for what we believed in and we were able to make change. The school stayed true to their promise.

I then became increasingly interested in the environment. I was a "hippy" of the early 90's if you can believe they existed at that time. The Grateful Dead was still going strong and by the time I graduated from high school I had already seen more than a handful of shows. In fact my father took me to my first show when I was in 8th grade. It was the Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan playing together. It was amazing. The book that changed me was How to Make the World a Better Place by Jeffrey Hollender. In case you don't know Jeffrey Hollender is the president of Seventh Generation. A company I would end up working for 4 years after I graduated from High School. This book basically opened up my eyes to the need for making small changes in our every day lives in order to help clean up our planet. I became an activist for recycling back when it was not mandatory for most towns to recycle. Our town at the time certainly did not. This was 1991.

In college I became a vegetarian. At first I ate nothing but pasta and bagels with cheese. I can remember going into the small health food store that existed in my college town and I would just stare at all the shelves not knowing what to buy and what to do with it once I did buy it. I have now been a vegetarian for 15 years. My knowledge of health, food and nutrition has grown so much over this time. I still choose to not eat it for animal rights issues but also for environmental reasons.

In no way am I living the ideal environmentally friendly perfect life. We certainly do a lot to contribute though. Here are a few things we do:
-Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
-Buy local when possible
-Compost
-Own only one car
-Use cloth bags
-Use only environmentally friendly household products
-Use energy efficient light bulbs
-Grow a garden
-Buy our vegetables from a local organic CSA Farm-share (summer & winter)
-Use rechargeable batteries
-Teach our children about all of the above
-Do NOT use lawn chemicals or fertilizers
-Use a push lawn mower

The funny thing to me is that most of these things I have been practicing for many many years. To me it isn't about who is right regarding global warming. I don't think anyone can dispute the fact that our landfills are growing and growing fast with products that do not biodegrade, I don't think anyone can argue that most mainstream house hold cleaners are not only bad for the environment but especially bad for the health of our families. I think it would be hard for anyone to dispute the fact that it cannot do anything but help the environment to implement some of these changes.

Yes these changes impact the earth, but I also believe they can make changes in a person. In a way becoming green forces a person to look at their life. How they buy, how they horde or dispose, how they live their daily lives. Going Green is a catch phrase that sometimes makes me squirm. It is not a fad. It is a way of life that many people have been doing for a long time. But in the same breath as much as I hate the fact that it is becoming a fad I am also pleased it it bringing awareness to many people who might not have had the knowledge to make these choices. Perhaps making it mainstream will be what it takes for companies and people to start making small changes. I hope it can.

There are so many small changes a person can choose to make. If you can't seem to agree that any of these changes would somehow benefit our earth, at least do a few because they could possible save you some money, improve your health and just maybe make you feel like a darn good person.

This is my third attempt at crocheting a hat. I am actually quite happy with how this one came out. I made it a bit longer than I wanted though. I am going to take a break from hats and move back to scarves for a while. Scarfs help me practice my stitches. And they are just so addictive to make.

Menu planning

Every week I kick myself because I end up spending more at the grocery store than I wanted too. One thing that has really helped me keep a cap on it though is by menu planning. Each week I actually plan out what meals I am going to make. I try to always have at least 6-7 days worth of meals. Now I know this sounds harder but it really does help. I found that once I broke the meals into types or categories it helped. For example I knew that once a week I made a pasta, pizza, soup meal etc. So I start my list knowing in my head the basic categories of foods I generally make in a week. Mine typically looks like this:

Pasta
Pizza
Burrito
Soup
Stir-Fry
Veggie Burgers
Other

Those are my basic categories. Then when I plan my menu for the week I make sure I have the basics to make a meal in that category. Sometimes I have specific recipes I am using so I will write down detailed ingredients that I need for each one. So my next step would look like this.

Pasta - Stuff to make sauce, pasta of choice, parm. cheese, bread, salad
Pizza - dough, sauce, cheese
Burrito - tortillas, salsa, refried beans
Soup - whatever ingrediants I need for the soup I have chosen
Veggie Burgers - veggie burgers, potatoes, frozen veggie
Other - I do try to make something new at least once a week. I save these meals for the weekends when I have more time.


So that becomes my basic list. At least by filling out this basic list I know I have enough stuff to make 6-7 meals that week. I have found by doing it this way I save money because I am buying exactly what i need to make the meals that week. It is also less stressful because I don't have to frett about what I am making each night. I keep the menu plan on my refridgerator so each day I can just pick from the list.

It has really helped me save money and time. Now if only I can get better about all the other stuff I end up buying.

Bring it on 2008

I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready to slow down, smell the roses, drink tea, say no more, say yes to change, reduce the clutter in my life, buy handmade as much as possible, and decide wisely how to spend my money otherwise.

I look forward to practicing yoga and not just for the physical piece of it but also spiritually. I also look forward to a new business relationship I just formed. I am so excited I found a company to work with that has the same standards as I do, the same beliefs and dreams. I can't wait to share the details. More coming soon . . .

Tea for me, tea for you

My husband and I are huge tea drinkers. I used to be a coffee drinker before kids. Something happened to my body after having children and it cannot handle caffeine the way it used to. There is something about the simple act of making tea that I love so much. It is slow process that makes your body and mind slow down as well. The process of brewing the tea, then letting it steep, and lastly sitting and enjoying a cup or two. I find that even in the middle of a busy day it is what I can make for myself and enjoy a few times a day as a way to quiet my mind. My ritual so far is to have a cup of chamomile or orange tea in the morning with honey, some type of sweet & spicy variety like Good Earth or Celestial Seasonings Belgian Spice. Then at night I have a lemon ginger type. I have always wanted to get into using bulk loose teas. There is a wonderful company in Vermont called Love & Tea that makes awesome loose teas. We tried using tea balls but we were never really happy with them. I had been eyeing some wonderful ceramic tea pots that have a built in tea infuser that sits in the pot. The concept is you boil the water for your tea in a different pot and then pour the water into this ceramic pot that contains the loose tea, let it steep and then you have a nice little pot to put on the table and serve tea from.

So when trying to decide what to get my husband for Christmas this year I came across one at a local store and thought it would be a perfect gift. I chose to get one made by Bee House that looked like this




I was very excited about my gift. I would him some orange tea from Love & Tea to go with it and wrapped it all up.

Chrismas morning came and he gave me my present. I was suprised beyond belief when I opened it and found that he had also thought of the same idea and bought me a tea pot. It was a different version. He chose one made by For Life. Same color though. I actually almost got this same one for him This is the one he got me.





We laughed so hard over this. How funny. We were not sure if we should keep them both at first but we have since decided to do so. The one I got him is a bit smaller. It holds about 2 mugs where the one he got me holds about 4 so we thought they would both be useful. So now here we sit, sick as dogs, sipping lovely tea and trying to heal.

happy health to all. drink more tea.

Close enough

pure joy

Ok I stayed away as long as I could. So much has happened and so much is about to happen that I thought I better start doing some updating now. I can't wait any longer.

First off here - Happy Holidays! It has been a rough month for us. As I mentioned earlier I developed pneumonia earlier in the month. It put me on bed rest and forced me to slow down. The good thing was that I learned to crochet while in bed that week. See my projects here.

The week I was finally feeling recovered my oldest son E swallowed a magnetic ball from the popular toy set Magnetix Magnetic Building Set. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and he came in and said "Mom I just swallowed one of the magnets." I freaked out (shouldn't have) and actually yelled at him at first. I was scared and pissed. He has never put stuff in his mouth before. Anyways then I got scared. I called the Dr. and they told me to take him to the ER. Of course this was the day JB went snowboarding so I was without car. The Dr said we could wait for him to get home (he was about 40 minutes away) because it was clear that the magnet ball was not obstructing his breathing or anything. I started freaking out even more when I googled these things and saw there was a recall on the. Read about that HERE. To make a long story short we had an extra and it confirmed the ball made it into his stomach and was not stuck in his chest anywhere. We had to wait the weekend to see if it came out. By the following Monday it hadn't so we had to go back in for another X-ray. At this point they were giving us a week. If it was not out by Christmas Eve we would need to go back in and have them take it out. Not what we wanted to hear. Luckily it ended coming out on that week and we danced a happy dance of joy.

This is a dangerous toy. If more than one magnet is swallowed it can cause serious internal damage and possible death to a child. I threw my set away. I will not take that risk again.

Ok so 2nd ordeal of the month over. Next JB came down with a cold and bam I got it the Sunday before Christmas so we were both sick as dogs over the holiday. Thank goodness we were not traveling or entertaining anyone. It just really sucks because I feel like I have been sick now (because I have) since before Thanksgiving. This is a different virus and really just a head cold but still. It really sucks.

So that is my quick update in a nutshell. It feels good to be back. The break was much needed. I am excited to unveil a new project I am now involved in. I will be sharing the news in the next few days. Probably after the New Year all the ducks will be lined up and ready to go. Good things to come. Keep your eyes peeled.

Thanks for waiting.

Neck Warmer

My second crotchet project was a scarf for my oldest son E. I will post a picture of it tomorrow. My youngest son wanted one too so
I decided to make
him a shortened version and made a neck warmer instead.
Here it is. My third crochet project. Pattern free.
Thanks Erinn for the idea to stitch a different color around the edges.

My new obsession

Being on bed rest this past week with pneumonia drove me crazy. So I decided to finally learn how to crotchet. With a big plastic crotchet hook from my son's weaving kit, some nasty old acrylic yarn I found in my studio, my laptop and a video from Expert Village I taught myself how to crotchet. After making a few pieces that came out a triangles I called my dear friend, the master at Urban-Farmgirl and she set me straight again. Since getting her advice I have been able to keep my stitches straight. Well sort of. Here is the scarf I have been working on. I am officially addicted. Thanks Erinn for the help!

See you in January

I have decided to extend my blog break until after the holidays. I am finally starting to feel a bit better but I still have a long way to go. Because of this and because of the upcoming holidays I will be taking a much needed break from everything. Getting pneumonia has taught be that I have recently taken on too many things. Between blogging, my crafting business, taking on a 20hr/wk job at home and raising two kids full time I have over done it. I recently got to a point that I remember too well. Two years ago when I decided to quit my job to stay home I had come to a similar point. It was too much for me. I realized then, and I have been reminded now, that I am the type of person who cannot take on too much. My body reacts badly to stress. I get sick, I breakdown, and I lose myself.

It is unfortunate that I let myself get off track and ended up getting this sick. I will learn from it though and move on. Being on bed rest has already done a lot for me. In the past two weeks I have:
1. Read The Road
2. Read Middlesex3. Started teaching myself to crotchet
4. In an attempt to stay away from the computer I picked up my journal and have attempted to begin handwriting again. What a concept. I think my hands actually forget how to use a pen.
5. Just started reading You Must Remember This

As I head into a new year I look forward to taking on the following resolutions:

1. Say no more
2. Finish crocheting a scarf
3. Read Eat, Pray, Love
4. Use my yoga punch card from last Christmas
5. Finish my written work for my Childbirth education course by this summer
6. Say no more.

I wish you all happy holidays and a wonderful new year. See you 2008

Slow down, reflect, buy less, love more

xoxo

The Queen City Craft Bazaar on Saturday was a smashing success! Thanks to everyone who came out for the event. Here is a picture of my table.

Here is the lovely Sara from Made Boutique & Gallery. She is also my partner in crime. We co-organize the Queen City Craft Bazaar together. She is amazing to work with. We handpick all of the artists and the result is a wonderful mix of the best of the best indie crafters in Vermont.

Zoe from Birdie Handmade is a dear friend of mine and a genius crafter. She makes the most amazing things from recycled wool sweaters. She is a selling machine too. Those stuffed creatures were almost sold out by the end of the show.

Sara also had a table at the event selling off many wonderful handmade goods from her store. If you haven't heard yet she has decided to close her shop (boo-hoo) at the end of December. We will miss her terribly. We love you Sara!

blog break

I won't be around much this week. I just found out I have walking pneumonia. I haven't been this sick in a very long time. I pushed myself way too far. I don't know what happened to me. I was the poster child for slowing down and taking care of yourself when sick. My life changed two months ago when I took on this 20 hr a week job while staying home with my kids, plus running my jewelry business and getting ready for three holiday craft shows. I just kept going thinking I was getting better and now here I am on bed rest. I am not good at just laying back while my JB does everything. He has been amazing. Taking care of the kids, the house and trying to get his work done at night. I have had to zip my lips when dinner is late and bedtime is later. I am too sick to care and it feels awesome. I think he actually likes being able to just do things his way for once. So i got some drugs today and my orders to stay in bed. JB got me a pile of magazines and I watched a movie on the laptop while laying in bed today. It was nice today but I know I will be going stir crazy by tomorrow. At this point I just want to feel normal again. I am pissed at myself for letting this happen. I took on way too much and my body bit back to say no more.

I am taking a much needed rest and won't be blogging this week.

talk soon

xoxo

I feel like I have been gone month. I didn't really go anywhere but the computer was the last place I have been in the past several days. I felt a cold coming on a week ago. My youngest son was getting over a nasty chest cold and I felt mine starting to brew. My husband felt his coming on about the same time. I managed to run around last weekend and finish up picking up my kids Christmas gifts. By Wed I began feeling worse. Perfect timing I thought. Right before Thanksgiving. Thankfully we didn't have any plans to travel and were were not expecting any guests so when I woke up on Thursday with a full blown chest cold, feeling like crap, at least I knew I could stay home. We managed to have a nice Thanksgiving despite the fact that I felt horrible. By 4pm we were feasting on Tofurkey, stuffing, potatoes (thanks Dustbunny for the crock pot potato recipe), mixed veggies, rice bake, mushroom gravy (homemade by DH), and for desert pecan pie (also homemade by DH).

Friday I relaxed and tried to get well. DH had the day off so I was able to let up on my Mama duties. I started a new book. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. I ended up reading it in 4 days. I highly recommend it. I actually shouted out two times while reading this book. It caught me by surprise a few times. It has been a long time since I have been able to read a book in less than a week with the kiddos and all. Anyways, I was dreading the weekend because I had paid a space in a two day craft show. The biggest in our area. By Friday I was not feeling like I could pull it off. DH and I came up with a plan. I would get up Saturday morning and go set up my booth (7am) and work it as long as I could. If i could' hack it I would drive home and switch with him. I would stay with the kids and he would go work my table for me. JB selling my jewelry at an all Women's craft show. Now that would have been a sight to see. But he was willing and I was grateful. I ended up being able to pull off both days myself. It was very hard but I did it. Unfortunately the show was very slow, I didn't make that much (no one did) and by the time I got home Sunday night I realize I had over done it. I felt horrible. DH had made chili and dealt with the kids. He even unpacked my car from the show for me. I got my but in bed early and prayed for a quick recovery. The next day was Monday after all. Back to work for DH, back to school for DS#1, and back to race around, Mama duties and work part time on the side for me.

Here we are now. It is 1:05AM on Monday morning. I woke up having a huge coughing fit thinking it was almost 5am or something. Nope it was 12:30 am. Shit. If I wake up this early coughing I know I won't get back to sleep without taking some cough medicine. I don't like taking it normally but if my cough wakes me up in the middle of the night I know I have to. So here I am waiting for it to kick in before I head back to bed. Wishing I had rested a bit more. Wishing I hadn't signed up for a two day craft show on Thanksgiving weekend. Wishing I had done it all just a bit differently, but thankful too. I am thankful I was able to have a nice quiet holiday at home with my family. I am thankful to my DH who stepped up and took such good care of me and the kids while I was down. I am thankful for the new friends I met at the craft show this weekend. Sometimes it isn't always about making money.

Happy Thanksgiving

What's In A Flu Shot Video

Talking to children about death

Last night at dinner all of a sudden my 6 year old started crying. He finally was able to get out in words what was upsetting him. He said he is afraid to die because he doesn’t want to not be able to live anymore. My heart sank. Tears came to my eyes. I wondered to myself how do I talk to my child about something that is also my greatest fear? The only death we have talked to our children about so far is of pets. Our neighbors lost a cat that we used to take care of. Next was our fish. My oldest son took these loses very hard. We discussed it with him but never gave more than what he asked for information. We never even brought up the fact that people die. We figured at one point the switch would go off in his head and he would put two and two together. Well he has.

It was a very difficult discussion to have with him. I myself went though years of therapy after I had babies because I suddenly suffered from health anxiety. After I had my first child I found myself terrified that something would happen to me. I didn’t want to leave my children. I didn’t want to die. I think everyone has these thoughts and feelings but for me the hormones raging through my body after having a baby made it worse. I guess it was a form of postpartum depression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me through those times. Becoming a parent thoughts changed me forever and I will always teeter on the edge of letting those thoughts consume me. Everyday I have to choose to look at life instead of death. Everyday I try to not be afraid.

So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to talk to my son last night. I held him, cried with him, and told him I am afraid too. Without promising eternal life to him I tried to comfort by saying he has a very long life to live and that it is very important to focus on living and being the best person you can be now.

It was hard on me but good in a way too. Facing the dreaded topic and being forced to look it in the eye is a great way to deal with it.

I found this great article about talking to children about death. It gives a helpful breakdown to ages of children and where they typically are with their thoughts on death. I am sure there are many many wonderful resources out there.

Slow Cookin' Italian Lentil Stew

Here is the recipe for the Italian Lentil Stew I talked about in my slow cookin' post below.


Italian Lentil Stew
serves 6

1 3/4 cups of dried lentils, washed (You can actually use any kind of bean here. Lentils are great but tonight I didn't have any so I used white beans. Garbanzo would work well here too. I also used canned beans and it worked well).
1 small butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cut into 1 inch chunks
1 25 oz jar of pasta sauce
2 cups green beans cut in half
1 small green pepper, diced
1 large russet potato, peeled and diced
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, chopped
3 cups of water
1 tablespoon olive oil

In a slow cooker, mix all ingredients EXCEPT olive oil. Add 3 cups of water to ingredients.

Cover and cook on low heat setting for 6-8 hours, or till the vegetables and lentils are tender. Add olive oil just before serving.

Serving suggestion: a big salad and warm, crusty garlic bread.

***A few notes: You could alter this to use any veggies you have on hand. To speed up the cooking process use canned instead of dried beans. I put mine on around 11:30 and it was done by 5:00ish easily. Both of my kids loved this. It is very flavorful.

Reflection

I feel time moving faster and faster
I see my children growing / stronger
I find myself crying more.

I wonder why we live for tomorrow
I try to stay in the moment / longer
I need to start saying no.

If I could freeze each moment
and bottle it up forever
I would study the little things / harder
and try to find the magic cure.

Slow cookin' Sunday

It has taken me a long time to like Sundays. It is hard to really enjoy the day because I never can get out of my head that the next day is Monday. I have started a new ritual that I call Slow cookin' Sunday. Around mid morning before I start lunch I begin a crock pot meal. Today it was chili. Last week I made Italian bean soup. It means more time in the kitchen earlier in the day but I find the time it saves me later on is priceless. For some reason I feel like my day is longer because I don't have to interrupt my Sunday afternoon to start dinner.

p.s. Happy Birthday Mom!

Holy shit my kid ate meat!

Ever since my oldest son started kindergarten this year (which is public in our elementary schools) I have felt like I have lost control. First he started drinking milk for the first time in his life because that is all they serve there and now to top it off my vegetarian child has had meat for the first time. I have been allowing him to have hot lunch a few times a week when they have vegetarian options. One of the days they offer a hamburger, cheeseburger or veggie burger. He has been getting the veggie burger so far. I picked him up from school on Friday to find out he had eaten a cheeseburger. When he asked for it he thought he was getting a veggie burger with cheese on it. He doesn't know. He has never eaten meat before. Come to find out he has eaten this the past few weeks thinking he was eating a veggie burger. I felt crushed. I just felt it like was one more thing I have lost control over. Like all of my values no longer matter because once he walks in those doors he is in a different world.

I have always said when he was old enough to make his own choice of whether or not to eat meat I would let him. Although I will never cook meat in my house. I have asked him over the years and so far he has not wanted to. I also make sure I tell him what meat really is. I think it is important for children (of a certain age) to understand that meat is not just a package of food you buy at the grocery store. I have told him that animals are killed to get the meat.

I am not sure what is going to happen. At this point he seems to be looking at me to still make the choice for him so I have told him that we will have a deal. For now he will continue to not eat meat at school lunch but if he ever wants to try it again to tell myself or my husband (who does eat meat) and we will allow him to do so. He seemed to like this deal. I think it was too much for him to choose on his own right now.

Happy Halloween

Here is an update in pictures of what we have been up to.

Hiking

Apple picking

Enzo went to his first concert. Justin Roberts.

Pumpkin carving

Happy Halloween!

Working Girl

I have been a bad blogger. My life went from what I thought was crazy to absolute insanity. I took on a 2 month contract job that I am doing from home 20 hours a week while still having my youngest kid home with me. Within the first three days I had regrets. Many old feelings of stress and anxiety came back to me (it was a job I previously had) and I found myself unable to juggle my life. All the reasons for why I quit working in the first place hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized I got myself in over my head. I have since hired someone to help me out in the mornings with my little guy so that has helped a lot. It will enable me to get through this 2 month deal but after that I am done. Even though I only have to do 4 hours each day, because I have to spread that out between school drop off, lunch, naps, school pick up, dinner, and managing my family I end up feeling like I am working all day because it takes from morning to night to get the full 4 hours in. I am stretched beyond belief. I feel like my head cannot be where it needs to be which is on my family. So all in all I guess I learned a good lesson. I am just not ready. I am not ready to go back to the rat race. The extra money is nice right now of course but it is so not worth the strain on my family, myself and my sanity. We have managed without it and we can do it again.

Now you are six

Tomorrow is my oldest son's 6th birthday. Today at his school they had a birthday ceremony for him. Parents can bring in a special birthday snack for the class. At circle time the child circles the center of the floor holding a globe, each revolution representing a year in the child's life. Parents are invited to attend the ceremony and share stories, pictures or artifacts to illustrate each year. The ceremony is concluded with songs.

I baked banana muffins to bring in. I wrote a poem for him and brought in a few pictures. The children were so wonderful. They loved the poem and asked a ton of questions when I was finished. They are learning about rhyming words right now so I thought it would be fun to discuss with them what a poem is. They especially liked seeing the pictures of my DS when he was a baby.

I wrote it in a very simple voice so it could be easily understood by the children. I thought I would share it with you.

Now You Are Six

Once a baby oh so small
So quickly it seemed
you learned to crawl.

You learned to walk when you were one.
Watching you change was so much fun.

At age two you loved to dance and sing
You loved books, art,
and learning about most everything.

Age three and four you were out the door
digging, building, and exploring more.

Age five was the year you sprouted tall.
Biking, swimming, and soccer
You loved to do it all.

Now you are six and in school at last
Meeting new friends -
learning and growing fast.

Happy Birthday my sweet child.

Job Interview

Yesterday I went on my first job interview in 11 years. It was horrible. In the end I was told I was a strong candidate but when I got into my car I burst into tears. I am left torn and confused and quiet honestly I hope it is not offered to me. Before becoming a SAHM two years ago I had worked for the same company for 9 years. My experience at this other company was wonderful. I got a ton of experience and learned so much about myself and business. It groomed me to be independent and a self starter. It paved my way to becoming a self employed entrepreneur that I now am. Being thrown back into an environment of strict schedules and corporate life was shocking to my system. I started to doubt why I was there. My intent was to get a part time job through the holidays to bring in some extra cash. The reality would be that I work 4 nights a week from about 6-11pm plus one weekend day. I thought perhaps it could be a little less than that but it doesn't look that way. I feel like I am struggling enough as it is keeping my family organized and my small business afloat. I honestly do not think I could burn both ends of stick by working until 11pm, getting to bed at midnight, and then up at 6am for my other full time job - my family.

My DH and I talked long and hard about it last night and I don't think he wants me to do it. He knows me too well and thinks it will be too much on me and the family. Talking to my mother did not help. She was a nurse and worked 3-11pm until I was in College. When I asked her how she did it she simply said "I had to. It was sink or swim." Although the money would help us a ton it isn't as dire for us. We have gotten by this far and we can continue to do it. But yes the money would help.

I am so torn. If I go with my gut (which I am a huge believer in) it would be to say no if the job is offered to me. I feel lost and confused.

Public School NOT Government School

So I pick my 6 year old up at school yesterday and he tells me he has been wearing his jacket all day. When I asked him why he told me that he kept forgetting to take it off. That he meant to after recess but they had to go into another classroom, then he meant to but it was time for lunch and so on. He said he was hot but he just felt like there was never time to take it off. I know the kids are supposed to be learning independence at school and the teachers cannot fuss over them like in preschool but I just thought perhaps the teacher could have asked him if he wanted to take off his jacket?

I ended up speaking to the teacher about it because I felt like it was just one of many things I have noticed since he started. There have been many things like this where he seems to be having a hard time remembering all that needs to come home each day, his super late lunch (1pm like I posted about earlier) and in general just getting used to a more rigid schedule.

The teacher was very receptive and felt bad that he was hot all day and felt like he didn't have time to stop and take off his jacket. What was very disheartening however was how she said that she even feels their schedules are so full this year and she even thinks they just go from one thing to another without having much breathing space. She explained how there is just so much they are supposed to fit into one day.

I left with a sad heart. There just seems to be no hope. These teachers don't want to teach like this. This time of schedule is not good for children. Yet our hands are tied. The teachers have to do what they are told. There is no flexibility. There is no hope to even work the the schools because parents, teachers do not run the schools now. The federal government does. And if they don't do what the federal government says they lose their funding. This is bull crap.

I want the schools to be state run again. If we are paying tax money to these schools I think the parents, teachers and state officials should be the ones who decide what is best for their local schools. There has go to be a better way. There has got to be a way to influence government officials to not renew the No Child Left Behind Act or at least alter it greatly. I urge you to read all you can about his act. I was floored when I actually read through all the actual text of it. There is a lot in there that might surprise you. Educate yourselves and get in touch with your local government officials. I contacted mine yesterday.

These are public schools we are talking about. Public schools that we all pay for. They are not and should not be run by the federal government.

Rockin' out

Last night I went out to Higher Ground to see my friend Neil Cleary play. Neil is a local legend around here. Former member of the Pants and now a well established singer/songwriter. He left Burlington (again) for Boston but he was back last night for his CD release party. I am so glad I went. He is simply amazing. This new album is very different for him but oh so good. You can read my original review of the album here.

I had a blast. Hung out with some friends I hadn't seen in a while, got to chat with Neil, and listened to some great music.

Seven Days wrote a great article about him. You can read it here.

have a great weekend. I plan on doing some apple picking, going on a hike, cleaning my yard and practicing my guitar. Thanks for the inspiration on the last one Neil.

R.I.P Long Fin

A few weeks ago we got our kids their first pet. Enzo named him Long Fin because "he has long fins" my son said. They loved him so much. Tonight he died. It was horrible actually. We were getting ready for bed and the kids were watching the fish when all of a sudden he shot straight up to the top of the tank and then just kind of hung there for a moment before just sinking to the bottom. Enzo got very upset. The fish moved a little bit at first and then it became clear he had died. My son kept asking if he was going to get better. We had to finally tell him that Long Fin had died and was not going to come back. This was his first experience with death. He cried very hard as I held him. He asked my husband to take the fish bowl into the other room. He kept saying how unfair it was, that he wanted to still have him as a pet, and that we have not had him long enough. I agreed, cried with him and held him tight.

New! Nursing reminder bracelets

I am cross posting this from my studio blog (sorry if you read both) because it pertains to mama issues.

I will be delivering these new nursing reminder bracelets to Bebop Baby Shop in Essex Jct. Vermont this week.

Nursing reminder bracelets are worn on the mothers writs and easily slipped to the side she needs to nurse on next. Believe me (I nursed two babies) when you are in the fog of a new baby it is very easy to forget which side you need to nurse on at the next feeding. These small bracelets offer a stylish and easy to use reminder.

When I had my first child 6 years ago I needed a reminder. At first I just used one of my hair elastic bands on my wrist. Not only are they not very attractive, but they also tended to be on the tight side. I have always made stretch bracelets so I decided to just wear one of my own instead. I found that the beads I used on my regular bracelets were too large and would dig into my wrist while the baby was resting on my arm nursing.

By the time I had my second child I started to get it right. I started making specific bracelets with smaller, smoother beads for myself and friends specifically as a nursing reminder bracelet I decided to finally make a batch and offer them to the public. I also designed these with more neutral colors. I wanted it to be a bracelet a mom could wear with anything.

Now available at Bebop Baby Shop located online and at 167 Pearl Street, Essex Jct Vermont. Or call 802-316-3069

I am sick this weekend and staying low in doors. I finished up some nursing reminder bracelets I am making for a new local baby shop (details soon) and I just finished up making this homemade Sicilian pizza sauce. I made it from a large amount of local organic tomatoes I get from my CSA farmshare. The first pizza is cooking in the oven right now. Yum. I know the cheese won't be good for my cold but it sure will taste good.

Meet LongFin

The boys have been wanting to get a pet. Since I am allergic to cats and not quite ready for a dog we decided on a fish. Enzo named him Long Fin because according to Enzo "he has long fins".

I'm trying. I'm really trying to get into the whole public school system thing. I am so used to causal preschool where you go into the building, talk to the teacher, take your time leaving, have a say in what goes on etc. Now we stand outside, see the teacher for a second if we are lucky, and just have to trust the system. Trust the system. This is what everyone keeps telling me I have to do. I was horrified to find out my child who does not drink milk (not because of allergies) now drinks it twice a day because milk is all the school serves at snack and lunch. What? No water? I was told there is a water fountain in the hallway if the children want water. I am not saying milk is like soda or anything here, but I do think water should be served right along side of milk. My DS drinks soy milk with his cereal in the morning and has a cup at dinner time but he has never had a glass of cow milk in his life and now he has to drink it twice a day at school because that is all they offer.

Trust the system? You are talking to a girl who never trusted the system since the day she was born. I was the girl in school who fought the system from as early as I can remember. I remember fighting hall passes, and bells, protesting one year because state did not acknowledge Martin Luther King Day (the next year the school started holding assemblies), it seems I was always rocking the boat in school. I pined over all the kids who went to the nearby Waldorf school system. I never felt like I belonged where I was. I sucked at testing, math and science. I did well in English, Social Studies, music and the arts. I didn't learn the way others learned and because of that I suffered. My point here is that I did not trust the system as a child and I am now finding myself surrounded by those same thoughts and feelings again.

Of course I am much older and wiser now but my core has not changed. This time around instead of total rebellion I will choose to become an active member in the school. Yes Rockergirrl will join the PTO. I firmly believe parents have an important role in public education. There is a place for our opinions and ideas.

Watch out PTO - here I come.

1st Bento Box lunch

I have been on a search to find a lead free lunch box for my child. I have pimped the site reusablebags.com already here but I wanted to share with you the one I ended up getting. It is called laptop lunches and it is based on the concept of the Japanese bento box.

I love the idea of a product that supports offering children a healthy lunch consisting of a variety of choices rather than prepackaged foods.

I survived my first week of Enzo going to Kindergarten but they were just half days. Tomorrow he starts on his full day schedule is which is 8:10am-2:30pm. I still believe Kindergarten should only be half day but this is the way it is and I guess I will just have to see how it goes. So I packed his first lunch tonight in his new Bento box. The picture is bad but it consists of a bean, cheese and salsa burrito, grapes, corn chip and salsa and two little whole grain cookies. It goes into a super cute laptop style bag. He has been practicing with the bag all weekend and is excited to use it tomorrow. I on the other hand am terrified of him in the big lunch room. Now I know why they don't let the parents in the school each day. I would never leave.

Get Ready to STRUT

Live fashion show featuring local, independent artists and fashion designers plus a live DJ.
Awesome clothing and accessories will be for sale before and after each fashion show.
(so bring CASH $$)


Subsixstudios will be participating in the Saturday show only. I will have three new pieces from my new collection in the fashion show and I will also have a table set up selling jewelry before and after the show. See you then!