Friday, April 28, 2006


Normally I count down the hours until the end of the day on Fridays. People sometimes say that once you are a SAHM the weekends don't matter. Forget that. Are you kidding? The weekends mean JB is here to help out and I have an adult to talk to. This weekend is different though. I have been dreading the coming of this weekend. JB leaves on Sunday afternoon for a week long training trip out of state. First of all I hate staying home alone. I always have. I just simply do not like staying home by myself. The second reason is that it means I will be by myself with two children 24 hours a day for 7 days in a row. Can you say INSANE! I know I am lucky. There are many single parents out there that do this all the time. God bless you. You are the strongest people on the face of the earth. I am just too used to JB coming home for dinner time and helping out. So to say the least I am terrified.

He has gone away for a week before when Enzo was a baby but it was easier then because I worked full time. I just dropped him off at daycare and only had to deal with him by myself at night. This is different. This is all day and all night alone. HELP!

So I have decided to go to my parents house for the week. They live in NH and it is on the way to where JB is going for class so he is going to drop us off on his way and pick us up on his way back. I did think of this as an option earlier but honestly at first I always thing of being away from home as being harder. Just because it is more difficult to be in someone else's home dealing with dinners and bedtimes - my kids don't always adjust that well. But it is something I need to get over. I need to just go with the flow more. So off we go. My kids will be so excited to stay with Mimi and Grampa and I will too. Even though they live three hours away we don't get down there as much as we should. So it is a last minute decision but a good one. I am psyched. We are going to have a blast.

Have a great week. I will post about our adventures later.


Thursday, April 27, 2006

Tiny Hands part 2

Those tiny hands
have learned to do more
They now clap and wave
like never before.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Tiny Hands

Tiny hands moving swiftly
wrapping fingers around mine
as we nurse -
I nourish / you play.
I love how soft your tiny fingers
feel as they search for my hand to grab onto
as if grabbing on to life as you know it.
Still tied to me by endless flowing milk.
I dread the ending of this relationship.
It is exciting to watch you grow
but I am not quite sure
I am ready to let go.

Monday, April 24, 2006

The Monday Blues

Boy do I have the Monday blues today. The weekend went by way to fast. I had two friends from high school come up for the weekend. They are married with a three year old and another on the way. The weather turned to crap of course just in time for their arrival. The rain held out on Saturday at least so the kids got to run around the yard when they first got here. We were going to try and go somewhere but we decided to stay put and visit instead. It was a wonderful day. Enzo and their daughter Sophie got along very well and played hard all day. We ended up ordering pizzas for dinner (yeah no cooking) and then they headed off to their hotel for the night.

Sunday was a rainy day so we decided to have lunch at our house and then take the kids to our local aquarium. The kids had a blast. The parents were all pooped and so we called it a day. My friends left to go back to NH.

It was great to see them. We had a blast. Now it is Monday and I am missing my filled house. It seems empty now with just me and the boys.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Loosening the grip

How as parents do we learn to balance keeping our children safe while allowing them to learn and grow in this crazy scary world? I have been pondering this question since becoming a parent 4 1/2 years ago. As Enzo gets older I find myself having to let him go a little bit more each day. At the playground as he climbs higher and higher I stop myself from always saying "be careful honey". Each day I see a new obstacle that with my guidance he must learn to over come. We can help guide them and teach them the lessons of life to prepare them for their own flight. We cannot however control the world in which we live. I would love to though.

Yesterday my sister and her family were at a local baseball game. Her youngest daughter (age 5) was playing with a group of children and fell on something which cut her skin from the base of her spine to the top. She ended up in the ER. She is fine. She had stitches but she is fine. It was terrifying for my sister though. It was one of those situations that just happen sometimes. As much as we want to have total control all of the time we simply can't. Every single day I try to tell myself this. To be ok with this and let my children live. I do of course but I now understand why my mother worried so much. Why each time I left the house and said "don't worry mom I will be fine", "I don't know where we are going", "I'll be back later, don't worry." Don't worry. Don't worry. How on earth is a mother not going to worry. I will sleep with one eye open when my children start driving around town too. For now though I have to be ok with play dates, older kids and letting go just a little bit more each day.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Who am I kidding

I went to visit a friend last night. We hung out at her house, had a few beers and stayed up way too late talking. I used to be able to stay up late and be fine the next day. Not anymore. I feel old. I feel frustrated that I can't even take any "me" time at night because I am too tired the next day. Night time is the only alone time I have. Being able to escape to a friend's house is incredible. I love getting out of my house and escaping for a few hours. The time just goes so fast and the next thing I know it is very late and I need to rush home to bed and hope the baby doesn't wake up until at least 4 or 5 am. Sal did end up waking up at 4:00 this morning but luckily he was willing to nurse in bed and he fell back to sleep until 6:00am. JB got up with him so I could sleep until 7:00 but I am still dragging today.

Despite the tiredness the day is just beautiful so the boys and I have been outside all morning working in the garden. Our veggie garden used to have an ugly wire fence around it but we removed it last year to make the garden more accessible. The darn squirrels are digging up our peas already though so we decided to put the ugly fence back up. Enzo helped me with that task this morning while Sal played in the sandbox. We got it half way up. In the meantime my mother in law told me about a trick to keep them away. You sprinkle cayenne pepper on the soil and supposedly they don't like it. I will give that try.

Back to fun in the sun for me. And early to bed tonight.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

On my own again

I have been spoiled the past few weeks. First we had JB's father in town visiting for a few days and most recently JB's mother has been staying with us. We live three hours from my family and half way around the world from JB's so seeing family is a treat for us. Although we have a tiny house I love having people stay here. It is a great break from being alone with the kids all day. So we had a great time with JB's Dad and then his mother came last Friday and is leaving tomorrow. I have really enjoyed the company. Since having children I have begun to miss having family around. There are days when staying home full time gets very lonely. I am trying to meet people but it is just damn hard these days. I would love to be able to drop the kids off at the grandparents house sometime or have them visit more. There are days I just want to pack it all up an move home to be closer to family.

I grew up with all of my relatives and lots of family friends in my life. I guess now that I have children I am missing that part of my past. I want to recreate what I remember but it seems like no one is around. People sometimes seem so busy these days to get together anymore.

So I am on my own again as of tomorrow. I will be at the local park with my kids looking to meet someone new. Why do I feel like I am dating again?

Let's gather, let's greet, let's be merry and drink.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter

Easter snuck up on me this year. I have been suffering from my constant sinus issues again so I was not feeling in the spirit this past week. On Saturday we realized that we had for some reason told Enzo that the Easter bunny would bring the Buzz light Year that he has been begging us for. My parents used to have the Easter bunny bring us a gift or two so I thought I would do the same. Buzz Light Year is the last thing I EVER imagined I would allow in my home.

It has a few strikes against it.
1. It is a character from movie. So far we have avoided this for 4 1/2 years.
2. It talks
3. It is simply annoying.

But I am trying to learn how to choose my battles and as he gets older there are things we need to bend on. How grown up of me huh? So I sent JB to Toys R US (ick) to get one. I was thinking of an action figure size or something. JB calls me from the store to tell me all they have is this very large one which needs batteries of course. I wanted to scream. It was only $12 though and I was desperate so I told him to get it. So as you an imagine Enzo was simply beside himself this morning when he woke up to find the Bunny had delivered.

Boy did I really set myself up for trouble each Easter now.

I still can't believe I have a large and loud Buzz Light Year in my house.

What was I thinking?

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Baby Raspberries

So you know what a tummy raspberry is right? Well I do it all the time to Sal (who is just 11 months this weekend) when I am changing him and it makes him laugh so loud. The other morning he was in bed with us and my shirt came up a bit exposing my stomach. Sal bent down and gave me one. He then looked up at me with a huge smile on his face. It was so incredibly cute.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


So today we are eating lunch and I decided to ask Enzo two questions I probably only have another year or two left to be able to ask.

Me "Enzo, tell me what your favorite thing about Daddy is."

Enzo "His scratchy face when it tickles me and that he is so funny."

Me" What is your favorite thing about Mommy?"

He got up from his chair and came over to mine and gave me a big hug. I said "what do you mean?" and he said "I love your hugs best of all."

I am still a puddle on the floor.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Cloth diaper review

So about a month ago I made the switch to cloth diapers. After spending a few months doing research (you would not believe how many options there are) I decided to buy
Fuzzibunz which is a pocket diaper. After a month of using them here are the highlights of my findings:

1. They are incredibly cute. The color choices are wonderful.
2. Much easier to use than I thought. Diaper changes are just as quick as with a disposable. There are not pins or covers with these diapers. You just pre stuff the diaper with one of the inserts and they are ready to snap on.
3. Washing isn't as bad as I thought. I wash probably about every 3 days or so. I hang them out to dry when possible so I don't end up using the dryer too much. There is no way I am spending in water and electricity what I was spending per month to buy disposables. No way.
4. No more gel balls on my babies skin from the SAPs(Super absorbent polymers)

So there you have it. It is not as hard as it looks. JB was surprised how easy it is too. I am glad I made the jump. It feels sort of liberating (in that hippy kind of a way) to not be dependent on the evil diaper companies any longer.

Buy Fuzzi Bunz Here

go cloth!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Sal walks!

I forgot to post this earlier. As of April 1st our littlest Sal took his first steps. He had been on the verge for weeks. Taking one step and then falling on his bum. He finally took about 4 steps the other day. He is not walking full time yet but I am sure it will be here quicker than I am ready for.

Yeah Sal!

Rejuvenated mama

I am one rejuvenated mama after this past weekend. A new hair cut and a weekend of outside bliss. JB had a company ride day on Friday so he went riding in the morning but then came home early in the afternoon. It was in the 70's on Friday. We decided to invite some friends of ours over at 4:00 to make pizza and have a beer on the deck. Boy was that just what I needed after being stuck inside sick for so long. It was such a great day. Saturday morning JB took Sal and Enzo food shopping (bless his soul) so I could get some yard clean up. It was amazing to be outside in my yard working without constantly being on the lookout for the kids. I got most of our flower beds raked out but there are still more to go. Sunday morning Enzo and I did more yard cleanup. The most exciting part is we planted out peas in our veggie garden. He was very excited.

I had been having the bug to cut my hair off again. I get this quite often. Especially after having babies. My hair is so wonderful when I am pregnant but then after the baby is born it turns to crap for the next year after that. So it was too long and driving me crazy so I got it chopped. Oh well it will grow back.

It isn't as warm today but I feel so great after spending so much time outside this weekend. It was just what I needed to get me through this week.