Happy birthday little

This week we celebrated my youngest son's 3rd birthday but two days before would have been my oldest child's 8th birthday. We lost her due to a miscarriage. Ironically she died the exact same day my oldest son was born. My husband and I have always made a flower bouquet from our garden on that day but from this year on we are choosing to celebrate what would have been her birthday instead. So this year on that day we chose to buy a plant and add it to our garden in celebration of her. She left us too early but her memory lives on. I honor her and treat her as if she was my child. She was my first experience with pregnancy and losing her was devastating. It happened very early in our relationship and it was because of her that my husband and I bonded so strongly and stuck together. We married later that year and gave birth to our first son exactly two years later.

Her name is "little" and will always be little. Thank you little for coming into our lives. Even though your time with us was short we love you just as much as if you were with us today.

Happy 8th birthday.

We love you so much.

xoxo

I was interviewed for a small piece that was done in our local paper on Moms and social networking sites. Read the story here.

Today you are three!

Then . . .

Now . . .



Dear Sal,

Today is your birthday. Today you are three. You have done so many wonderful things this year. You learned to ride a trike, climbed higher at the park, perfected your alphabet, learned to count in Spanish, drew fabulous pictures, and painted with lots of globs and colors. You are such a helpful, kind and polite child. You value your friendships and wake up each day with a wide eyed new view of the world. I have so thoroughly enjoyed watching you grow and learn this year. You have been a wonderful teacher for me. I thank you for showing me how to stop and notice the birds in the trees, the songs they sing, a simple lady bug on a leaf, and how hiding in the same spot over and over again during hide and seek can still be fun.

I wish for you so much in your next year as a three year old. After being home with me full time you will venture off to preschool this coming fall. It will be a big step for both of us and I know we will be ready. With a tear in my eye and happiness in my heart I will hold your hand as we begin this adventure together.

Happy Birthday my little guy.
I love you so much.
xoxo

What a weekend

Saturday we had our family and friends birthday celebration for Sal. He turns 3 on Wednesday the 14th. My parents came up for the celebration and lots of our friends joined us as well. Sunday was Mothers Day and I had an amazing time. I was treated to a delicious cheddar, mushroom and spinach omelet, some flowers and awesome handmade cards. I sat outside sipping some coffee while JB cooked and I just knew it would be a great day. I was like a kid in a candy store when JB offered to borrow our neighbors truck and pick up my 1/2 yard of soil/compost for my new raised beds. I was out there shoveling soil all day and it felt great. I filled my new raised beds and had extra to add to my herb garden spot and still have extra that for now is just piled in the back of my garden. I planted my vine flowers for the garden fort and built an extension trellis on my deck to grow vines for a privacy wall. We ended the day with a family game of bocce ball and a BBQ. It was a great weekend. Here are some pictures:

Sal about to dig into this home made cake I made him. Double layer super moist vegan chocolate cake with home made butter cream frosting (non vegan)

Some of our good friends who came over on Saturday to help us celebrate.

We took my parents out for dinner on Saturday night to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Italian of course.

My Mother's Day flowers.

My Mother's Day breakfast. Cheddar, mushroom & spinach omlette, soysauges, decaf coffee in what was my Papa's coffee cup when he was alive.

Garden bug

I have been officially hit by the garden bug. I have waited through the long cold winter to dig my hands in the earth. We finally had some nice weather a few weeks ago and I started on some projects I had on my list.

First up was to put up the structures. I have given up my main garden space to create a children's garden. This year I will be planting my vegetables in two raised beds. Here you can see on the far right is our bean tee pee, next to it is a structure that will hold our peas and to the far left is going to be a garden fort. I found the materials for the garden fort behind my shed and put it together last week. I really wanted to create these structures so they become a natural play space for the kids. If all goes well and the plants grow as they should we will have here three different forts for the kids to play in.

Second project on my list was the entrance way into our backyard. This is where my backyard insanity starts to show a bit because last year I ripped up all the grass and put down gravel. This year I decided to dig up all the gravel and try to grow grass again. This is how it looks after I shoveled up all the gravel and made about 7 wheelbarrow trips to my neighbors house to dump it off. I put the stepping stones back in place and I will attempt to grow grass again. I think I have a problem

Third project was to create a small front yard garden. My front yard grass sucks and I have been wanting to create a garden space in the attempt to eventually have the front yard become less and less grass (I think Americans are too obsessed with lawns anyway). This first picture shows what it looks like after I cut out the design, ripped up all the grass and put down some mulch.

This second picture shows it after new top soil has been put down and a few perennials have been planted. It's a start at least.

So that is what I have been doing lately. I hope I have inspired some future yard projects.

Happy Earth Day!

Spring is trying really hard to come to Vermont. Something bigger than us all is holding her back though. I started raking out my garden beds last week when we finally had a few warm days which melted the rest of our snow. A lot of the leaves are still wet, heavy and in some spots a bit frozen to the ground still. Despite these condintions the plants are trying so hard to come up and I am trying to get them uncovered as fast I can. I live for spring. I think I live in the wrong place though.

Since I can't really do much in the garden yet I have been busy planning what new things I am going to do this year. I am going to give up what was my main vegetable garden to make it more of a children's garden. I plan on having a bean tepee, pea structure, sunflowers and strawberries. I am going to try out these raised garden beds from Gardeners Supply for my main vegetables, and I also plan on creating two smaller beds for salad mix.



In addition to this I have been obsessed with creating a garden fort for the kids. I just found this at one of my favorite companies Magic Cabin. I am debating whether or not I should get the kit or try to build a structure myself. Has anyone done this before? If so let me know what materials you used for the structure.

Two weekends ago we went to Visit family in one part of VT and it looked like this.

Last weekend we went to visit friends in another part of VT and we did things like this

It has felt so good to finally get out and do some visiting. Both places are far from our busy little town. It was nice to be out in the country again. The greatest thing about VT is you don't have to drive to far to be in a small town far from it all. I used to live in towns like this when I first moved to VT in the early 90's. I moved to the "big city" when I was 21 because I craved music and nightlife. Now many many years later I am starting to want to go back to the basics. Both choices have their pros and cons. For now we are enjoying where we are at and given the fact that the economy isn't the greatest we will choose to stay put for the time being.

In the meantime I will still dream about the day I can buy a big old farm house like this one below. I took this on our drive last weekend to visit our friends.

Letting something go.

The other day while at the gym I was watching Rachel Ray (it was just on ok) and she had on a mom of two kids who told her story of racing off in the morning to drop off her oldest child at school, race home with her 10 month child, proceed to work her part time at home job, take care of the younger child, pick up the older one later in the day, do dinner, bedtime, and then proceed to study for the online classes she is taking to complete her degree. She was frazzled and didn't know what to do. I started crying on treadmill because I could have been looking at myself on that screen. I just wanted to shout out "That's me!"

I am burned out.
Last fall I took a web project management consulting job for two months at the company I used to work for. It was a struggle trying to juggle it all and I decided I would never do it again. When they asked me a few months ago if I would be interested in another project I had to give it another try. The extra money is of course a major incentive but so is keeping a connection with the company. The project was a very interesting challenge for me so I decided to take it. I have been working 15 hours a week managing the project from home since Feb. The process has been so much smoother this time. I learned how to better juggle my time and to really stick to the three hours a day I am supposed to work. It is hard to let those three hours become your entire day. It is hard to juggle it on top of my other responsibilities of mother, home maker and small business owner. You know what though? I am loving it.

But like the mother I saw on Rachel Ray I am getting a bit frazzled. The advice she was given was that something had to go. I have been thinking about this myself the past month. As much as I love the small business I am running I can't afford to work as much as the small business requires for free anymore. I can make a very good living if I continue with this consulting work and I can continue to be home with my children as well. I only have a certain amount of hours in my day and I have to pick and choose how I use them. I am not going to give up my small business of jewelry and books but I am also not going to expect it to become my main income and because of this I need to let go somewhat.

If I can keep the consulting work going I am hoping once my youngest is in preschool this fall I will have more flexibility and be able to go into the office from time to time until the school day is over. It is the best situation for me. So although nothing is really changing on the outside with my jewelry/book business, I am making major internal changes and boy does it feel good. Learning to let go and re prioritize things in your life whether it is work, school or activities can be such a refreshing and rewarding experience.

Yesterday was JB's birthday. He got out of work early and the kids and I surprised him as he walked in the door with confetti, party hats, and flowers. It was Enzo's idea. We then had an early taco dinner and I surprised him by telling him I had gotten our neighbors to babysit for a short time so we could out for a drink. After dinner we ate a yummy apple spice cake with butter cream frosting that I made. We put the kids to bed and went downtown. It was a short outing but it felt so great to be out with him.

Ice Storm

We had a crazy ice storm this weekend. Our telephone and cable lines broke from the house and got wrapped around our electric line and hung dangerously low over the street. A tree branch also fell on our electric cable lowering it so much we could not get out of our driveway. All this happened about 7pm on Saturday and stayed this way until 11am on Sunday when help could finally come. Here are some pictures taken the day of the storm and the rest are taken today when the beauty of the storm finally revealed itself.

New name - same but different game

I have been struggling between two blogs. I started this one when I first became a mother 6 years ago. It started out as a place for me to write about my struggles with juggling the new role I had as mother while trying to save space for my creative being. As the years went by and my family has grown, so has my creativity. After the birth of my second child came the birth of my craft business, the decision to quit my full time job and build a new structure around full time parenting and part time business entrepreneur. Just as my life has changed so has my interests in writing. I created a separate blog for my crafting business thinking I would try to separate that side of my brain from this one. What I have found is that they cannot be separated. I am one. I would not be the mother I am without my creativity. I would not be the artist and business owner I am today if I wasn't a mother. They both consume me, empower me, move me.

I have decided to change the name of this blog to upon being. upon being has been a phrase that I have used from time to time for short periods over the years in various online outlets but it never felt like the right fit anywhere until now. It was the clear choice to me when trying to pick a new name.

For the most part the themes on this blog will not change. The main themes will be around natural family living, craft, music, art, design, and books. I will no longer be keeping two separate blogs. I feel lighter already.

The url will not change but please if you have my blog listed on yours could you update the name from Mamaspeak to upon being?

thanks.

Weekly Status update

Enzo' artwork has changed so much this year. I am so proud of his budding skills. This is a picture he drew of our half dog Silis. Silis doesn't live with us but we have visitation rights (long story).
A picture of the boys today. They have this thing with strings. Forgot toys. They each just need a string and they will have a full day of fun.

I have been a busy girl. I took on a 5 week consulting job at my old company helping them finish up a website project. This time around I set some boundaries so I wouldn't get as burned out as I did in the fall. I am working roughly 3-4 hours a day from home. It is still a juggling circus as I drive Enzo to school, JB to work, hit the gym three of the days, then rush home with Sal in tow to log in by 10:00 am. This is after having been on to check email and set up my resources with their work for the morning all before leaving the house at 7:45. All in all I feel like I am finally getting the swing of it. It is hard since I have Sal home with me still but it was hard working full time out of the house too. Neither one is a piece of cake. I am just grateful to have this opportunity and I plan to keep it going as long as the work comes in. We are able to pay off some debt without having to pay any childcare so it is worth the sacrifice for now.

On top of this I have been busy building my new Barefoot Books business. I have my second home event next week, I have fundraising opportunities sent out to two local preschools, I have officially become a sponsor by having another Stallholder join my team, and I have a few prospects hopefully joining in the next few weeks. All of this in the two months since I joined. I am extremely excited to build my team and business.

Enzo has been on school vacation this week. It has been so nice to be able to lounge around in bed with the kids while JB has to get up and rush off to the bus. Sorry honey - that sucks for you. I love the break from drop off and pick up. What I don't like though is missing my rest time when Sal naps. We have had a mellow week because Sal ended up with pneumonia. It was a very mild case and he is fine now having been on antibiotics all week but it still sucks. He ended up getting nebulizer treatment and we were sent in with a home one. He goes in next week to get checked for asthma, allergies etc.

As for the weather - well I am sick of it. It is cold and snowy with no signs of spring in site. I am dreaming of my garden. I am planning on turning my existing vegetable garden plot into the kids digging area and instead I am going to have 4 raised bed gardens in a different spot for the veggies. I can't wait to get my hands dirty in the earth again. I am going to start my garden journal soon so I can plan out some new beds I plan on starting as well.

Dare to dream

The little movie that could Once was represented at the Oscars last night. The two musicians who played as actors in the movie as well were up for an oscar last night for Best Original Song in a movie last night. Here they are Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová accepting the award.


Here is the performance from last night


Markéta was not able to give her speech so they actually brought her out later so she could have the chance to give it. I can't get my hands on that video yet but I will post it once I do. It was just amazing to see these people win. You could tell how humbled they were by the experience. I was a bit afraid that crappy disney music would win over indie music since the three songs from the movie Enchantment were also up for oscars. I am so thankful the academy was able to see these well deserving and true talents for what they are. Watching Gen and Markéta win and then Diablo Cody for Juno was so inspiring. Three truly independent artists who really prove that anyone's dreams can come true.

Friday is Pie Day

Pizza pie that is. Having pizza on Friday for dinner is a tradition JB and I have done since before having children. Back in the day though we ordered out for pizza every Friday. Even after Enzo was born we were able to keep this tradition going. Once the second child was born and I stopped working we had to cut out things like going out for dinner and ordering pizza. So I started buying store bought dough and making our own pizza. I have recently moved to making my own pizza dough each week now and I am loving it. It takes a bit more time and there are some days where I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my order in, but I love the process of making the dough fresh each week. There is nothing like the taste of homemade dough. This is now one of the reasons I love Fridays. I love that it is the beginning of the weekend, I love making my pizza dough, I love happy hour, I love watching a movie in the evening with JB.

Hooray for Fridays!

Once

Once I finish school I will do this
Once I get a job I will do that
Once I have babies I will do this
Once my kids are grown I will do that
WAKE up - now is the time. Stop what you are doing and Start doing that one thing you have been putting off your entire life.

If you need some inspiration or are interested in hearing some of the best music ever made on this planet then you must watch the movie Once. Music has always been a big part of my life. It can move and motivate me. The music in Once has done this. I have always been one to judge music by my emotional reaction to it. The best music in the world to me can make me cry. It is very strange but certain music will strike an emotional chord in my body and make me cry. From rock to pop, folk to heavy metal - the best of the best will bring tears to my eyes. Let's just say it has been a while since any music I have heard lately has done this. The strike is over. I can't get enough of the music in Once. It plays over and over again in my head day in and day out.

Watch the preview for yourself below. If this song does not make you tingle you might not want to watch the movie. This movie is about the music. The actors are the real musicians. There is an incredible back story to this film that which I don't feel like going into here. My better half did a good job writing about the film here if interested. This movie was exactly what I needed to watch this week. I got out my guitar yesterday and played three times throughout the day. An act I have not done in some time.

Happy Valentines day to all.

JB brought me home these flowers last night and tonight we will enjoy some Lake Champlain chocolates that we got to share.

Got Art?

It has been a shock to my system this year to find out how little art has to do with my son's education now that he is in public school. Art class is once a week. Music class is once a week. Math and reading are every day. Now don't get me wrong. I understand the importance of math and reading. I love the fact that my child is reading at the level he is as a Kindergartner. I however also feel that art and music play as much of an important role in the primary education. I believe at the kindergarten level at least art should be a daily part of their learning. Basically what I have seen is that since kindergarten is public in my state they begin to follow the rigid rules public schools must follow which is teach to test.

Enzo not brought home one piece of artwork or any kind of summary or updates as to what they are learning about in art so far this year. Now to someone like me who lives and breaths the arts this is a big deal. When I asked his teacher I was told there is an art show at the end of the year and we are then given a portfolio of his work. This is great and all but to me art is not a side subject that I only care about seeing once a year. What Enzo creates and brings home in art is just as important to me as the weekly math and reading homework and projects he brings home. In order to get a full education I believe there needs more balance. It is unfortunate that in order to get an education richer in the arts I have to have a lot of money for a private school Why is it only those with more money have access to more choices?

I am keeping my fingers crossed about possible magnet schools being developed here. One of which would be more art based. I am not holding my breath though. I am sure my children will be well out of elementary school by the time it becomes available.

I just keep hoping and praying the No Child Left Behind Act will be revised and or demolished.

My daily fix

I have a weakness. I usually can't get through my day without it. I have tried to give it up but it just gets harder and harder. By mid afternoon I give in to my craving and pop some chocolate into my mouth.

Now any old chocolate just won't do. I am picky. I can't stand milk chocolate. It has to be dark. I have realized the higher quality the chocolate, the less I need to satisfy my craving. No crappy milk chocolate made with fake vanillin (yes look on the back - most are made with it now.) I want the real, dark stuff made with real vanilla extract. It is out there but you have to look.

My personal favorite is Lake Champlain Chocolates made right here in Burlington VT. They even have some great info on the health benefits of dark chocolate. All the more reason to eat some.

The way I satisfy my craving is to buy my favorite chocolate chips either these from Lake Champlain Chocolates, or these from Ghiradelli. I'm sorry but the cheap chocolate chips just won't do the same trick. The reasons these work so well is because of their size and flavor you can have just a few and you should be fine. Give me the cheap stuff and I would have to eat the whole bag. This way I keep a secret stash in the cabinet and I dip in just a few once day and I am good to go. Try it . I swear it works.

Enzo is reading!

He started a few months ago and has been progressing so much. In this picture he is actually reading this book to his little brother. It was honestly the most heart warming thing I have ever seen. He is in a multi age classroom. It is kindergarten and 1st graders mixed. He is in Kindergarten. I believe so strongly now in multi age classrooms for early education. It allows the children to get support regardless of their abilities. JB and I are both big readers so hearing him read for the first time was a wonderful milestone. We have been reading to him since birth. I can see the pride he now takes in being able to sit with a book and read it himself. We still read to him on a daily basis but we make sure he takes some time each day to practice reading on his own as well.