Friday, May 11, 2007

losing little

Tomorrow is a bitter sweet day for me. My youngest son turns two on Monday the 14th but we are having his birthday party tomorrow on 5/12. May 12th happens to also be what would have been my oldest child's 7th birthday. I lost the baby when I was 9 weeks pregnant. The loss of this child was devastating to JB and I. We were only a few months into our relationship when I got pregnant. It was through the experience of losing our child that we decided we were meant to be together and got married 8 months later. This child whom we call "little" has always been in our hearts. I am reminded of her every month when I have my period as the blood only brings back the horrible night of the miscarriage. My second child Enzo was ironically born 2 years later to the exact day that we lost little. So every year on his birthday we observe our loss silently by hanging a floral arrangement we make from our garden in her honor. So now comes spring and my third child Sal was born 2 days after what would have been little's birthday. So far we haven't explained little to our other children. In time we will. For now we will cherish these gentle reminders that our other children bring us as they celebrate their birthdays and we silently mourn another.

the picture below is of the roses we placed at Ocean Beach in San Francisco a week after we lost little. We lived a block from this beach at the time and it was very special place to us. We ended getting married up on the cliffs you see in the distance 8 months later. It is hard being on the other side of the country now from this place. Someday I hope to go back.


Andrew said...

Hate to hear about such a bittersweet moment for you, but it did bring you and your mate together more closely. I hope this time passes with good memories and good day to you. Take care.

Andrew in Alabama
The 4th Avenue Blues

Nuclear Mom said...

Tears! What a great post.