Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I have recently found myself in a position where I may have to find a part time job temporarily. Because I cannot afford childcare for two (and I would like to avoid it) I will need to find something that offers nights and weekend work.

Even more aggravating than having to do this has been the reaction I get from working parents when I express my feelings about having to take this step. When I express how hard it is going to be to stay home with the children all day and then leave to go to another job at night I am blown away by their response. I think sometimes my friends and family forget that I worked full time outside of the home 5 days a week until Enzo was 4. I do know how hard it is. I know the stress of drop off and pick ups, pumping in the bathroom between meetings, making lunches and getting absolutely nothing done during the week at the house.

Then I went to the other side. I am not here to judge or say that one is better than the other. The fact of the matter is they are both incredibly hard. I have lived in both worlds. For me personally the stress of trying to balance both a full time career and mothering was too much stress on my body. I needed a change. I had my second child and along with the cost of childcare for two being insane I also wanted to try staying home full time.

It ain't no pile of pancakes I can tell you that. Anyone who thinks it is is fooling themselves. I thought I would have so much time to get the chores done, appointments made, food shopping done etc. A good week is I get a few loads of wash done and put away. A typical week is the basket of clothes I washed on Monday are still sitting in the basket unfolded come Saturday. I still do the food shopping on the weekends because it is much easier for me to go by self than it is to tote two kids with me. Appointments for the kids are easier but anything for myself goes undone. I have to make JB take time off from work if I need to go to a Dr appointment or something because I have no one to watch the kids.

I absolutely do not miss the stress and rat race of working outside of the home full time. What I do miss the most is going to the bathroom by myself, sitting down to eat lunch, being able to take a break or two and the downtime in the car.

So yes I do understand how hard it is to work full time outside the home and raise children. Just don't judge me and think I have it so easy.


Nuclear Mom said...

I comment frequently to the guys I work with whose wives stay home, "I have it easy, I can come in, sit at my desk, check my e-mail, drink my cup of coffee, pee in private and shop online over lunch". I am very, very lucky that we have wonderful childcare. The type that I just know I couldn't do the same by Leif if I was home with him (now that he is older). He loves that place! I do wish I had other options for that birth to one year time frame though... Hey Canada, need a scientist?

The wonderful thing about our feminist "mothers" is that they worked to give us the choice and the option to pursue the role that is right for us as individuals and for our families. The best thing we can do to honor their legacy is to do what is right for us whether that be staying at home or working outside the home.

You have done a fantastic job and don't let anyone get you down!

Kelly McCants said...

We all must agree that the way of the mom is hard and guilt ridden no matter what path we choose or have to choose. It is human nature to think that the "others" have it better. Or that "they" are judging us.

Let's face it even mommas that work out of the home full time don't get to pee by themselves when at home!

Motherhood can just be really hard somedays...some years!

Keep up the great work!