Wednesday, September 07, 2005
It is amazing what being a mother can do to ones nerves. I remember like it was yesterday having Ezno just a month after the attacks of 9/11. I knew at that time I was becoming a first time mother in a new world. One our country had not experienced before. That first year of mother hood was very hard for me. Emotionally I was a wreck. I started experiencing a lot of anxiety because of the world events. It manifested itself in me as health anxiety. I suddenly became terrified that something would happen to me and I would leave my children motherless. At the same time I developed extremely bad headaches which did nothing but fester my fears. I started therapy to help me overcome my anxiety issues. Using cognitive behavioral therapy I was able to move on and live again. Now 4 years later I feel I am slipping back. The events in Gulf Coast was one trigger. It usually just takes one thing to get my mind rolling. I then begin to thing too much about all the "what if's" in the world. Once on that track they inflate like a hot air balloon. I also have an impending flight coming up over Thanksgiving that I am getting nervous about. I know this is in the back of my mind and is helping to rebuild this wall of fear. It is a terrible way to think. I am fighting it every day. I never knew becoming a mother could be so terrifying.