Monday, March 16, 2009

Moving on

Friday was a week since Zimo's death. Needless to say it was a very long week. The warm spring weather didn't help our grief. I found myself pining for his companionship. I missed taking him on walks, playing outside and trips to the dog park. I miss him. I surprised myself though and started looking through the list of available dogs for adoption. At first I felt guilty and then I found it brought great comfort to me for some reason. The experience of adopting a dog in need had such an impact on my life I now realize I will be involved with adoption forever.

The day Zimo died I swore I would never get another pet. I could not possibly go through this level of loss again. As the week went on and I had more time to reflect I suddenly realized I was thinking about it all in the wrong way. I could not let my fear of loss hold me back. I had in fact chosen to get pregnant again after losing my first baby despite the incredible amount of loss and grief losing "little" brought me. Loving and losing is hard but if we are so afraid of it why do we get married, have children, form friendships, or get into relationships when we know one day we will lose them all? We do it because we were meant to love. For this reason I have decided that adopting another dog is what I want to do. My family on the other hand might not be quite so ready. I will need to give them the time they need to grieve and heal in their own way and when we are all ready we will make the decision together.

The hard part is I actually found a dog from the adoption list that in my opinion seems perfect for us. I can't stop thinking about him. he is currently in a foster home but needs to find a forever home. When you adopt a dog out of foster care you are actually saving two lives. The dog you adopt and another one because once you rescue the dog out of the foster home it opens up a space for another dog to be pulled out of the high kill shelter and give them a longer chance at living. It is a wonderful thing.

My heart will always love Zimo but I know I have room to love again. I choose to believe he would want us to save another one of his friends from the South who so desperately want to be adopted.

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