Talking to children about death

Last night at dinner all of a sudden my 6 year old started crying. He finally was able to get out in words what was upsetting him. He said he is afraid to die because he doesn’t want to not be able to live anymore. My heart sank. Tears came to my eyes. I wondered to myself how do I talk to my child about something that is also my greatest fear? The only death we have talked to our children about so far is of pets. Our neighbors lost a cat that we used to take care of. Next was our fish. My oldest son took these loses very hard. We discussed it with him but never gave more than what he asked for information. We never even brought up the fact that people die. We figured at one point the switch would go off in his head and he would put two and two together. Well he has.

It was a very difficult discussion to have with him. I myself went though years of therapy after I had babies because I suddenly suffered from health anxiety. After I had my first child I found myself terrified that something would happen to me. I didn’t want to leave my children. I didn’t want to die. I think everyone has these thoughts and feelings but for me the hormones raging through my body after having a baby made it worse. I guess it was a form of postpartum depression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me through those times. Becoming a parent thoughts changed me forever and I will always teeter on the edge of letting those thoughts consume me. Everyday I have to choose to look at life instead of death. Everyday I try to not be afraid.

So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to talk to my son last night. I held him, cried with him, and told him I am afraid too. Without promising eternal life to him I tried to comfort by saying he has a very long life to live and that it is very important to focus on living and being the best person you can be now.

It was hard on me but good in a way too. Facing the dreaded topic and being forced to look it in the eye is a great way to deal with it.

I found this great article about talking to children about death. It gives a helpful breakdown to ages of children and where they typically are with their thoughts on death. I am sure there are many many wonderful resources out there.

Slow Cookin' Italian Lentil Stew

Here is the recipe for the Italian Lentil Stew I talked about in my slow cookin' post below.


Italian Lentil Stew
serves 6

1 3/4 cups of dried lentils, washed (You can actually use any kind of bean here. Lentils are great but tonight I didn't have any so I used white beans. Garbanzo would work well here too. I also used canned beans and it worked well).
1 small butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cut into 1 inch chunks
1 25 oz jar of pasta sauce
2 cups green beans cut in half
1 small green pepper, diced
1 large russet potato, peeled and diced
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, chopped
3 cups of water
1 tablespoon olive oil

In a slow cooker, mix all ingredients EXCEPT olive oil. Add 3 cups of water to ingredients.

Cover and cook on low heat setting for 6-8 hours, or till the vegetables and lentils are tender. Add olive oil just before serving.

Serving suggestion: a big salad and warm, crusty garlic bread.

***A few notes: You could alter this to use any veggies you have on hand. To speed up the cooking process use canned instead of dried beans. I put mine on around 11:30 and it was done by 5:00ish easily. Both of my kids loved this. It is very flavorful.

Reflection

I feel time moving faster and faster
I see my children growing / stronger
I find myself crying more.

I wonder why we live for tomorrow
I try to stay in the moment / longer
I need to start saying no.

If I could freeze each moment
and bottle it up forever
I would study the little things / harder
and try to find the magic cure.

Slow cookin' Sunday

It has taken me a long time to like Sundays. It is hard to really enjoy the day because I never can get out of my head that the next day is Monday. I have started a new ritual that I call Slow cookin' Sunday. Around mid morning before I start lunch I begin a crock pot meal. Today it was chili. Last week I made Italian bean soup. It means more time in the kitchen earlier in the day but I find the time it saves me later on is priceless. For some reason I feel like my day is longer because I don't have to interrupt my Sunday afternoon to start dinner.

p.s. Happy Birthday Mom!

Holy shit my kid ate meat!

Ever since my oldest son started kindergarten this year (which is public in our elementary schools) I have felt like I have lost control. First he started drinking milk for the first time in his life because that is all they serve there and now to top it off my vegetarian child has had meat for the first time. I have been allowing him to have hot lunch a few times a week when they have vegetarian options. One of the days they offer a hamburger, cheeseburger or veggie burger. He has been getting the veggie burger so far. I picked him up from school on Friday to find out he had eaten a cheeseburger. When he asked for it he thought he was getting a veggie burger with cheese on it. He doesn't know. He has never eaten meat before. Come to find out he has eaten this the past few weeks thinking he was eating a veggie burger. I felt crushed. I just felt it like was one more thing I have lost control over. Like all of my values no longer matter because once he walks in those doors he is in a different world.

I have always said when he was old enough to make his own choice of whether or not to eat meat I would let him. Although I will never cook meat in my house. I have asked him over the years and so far he has not wanted to. I also make sure I tell him what meat really is. I think it is important for children (of a certain age) to understand that meat is not just a package of food you buy at the grocery store. I have told him that animals are killed to get the meat.

I am not sure what is going to happen. At this point he seems to be looking at me to still make the choice for him so I have told him that we will have a deal. For now he will continue to not eat meat at school lunch but if he ever wants to try it again to tell myself or my husband (who does eat meat) and we will allow him to do so. He seemed to like this deal. I think it was too much for him to choose on his own right now.

Happy Halloween

Here is an update in pictures of what we have been up to.

Hiking

Apple picking

Enzo went to his first concert. Justin Roberts.

Pumpkin carving

Happy Halloween!

Working Girl

I have been a bad blogger. My life went from what I thought was crazy to absolute insanity. I took on a 2 month contract job that I am doing from home 20 hours a week while still having my youngest kid home with me. Within the first three days I had regrets. Many old feelings of stress and anxiety came back to me (it was a job I previously had) and I found myself unable to juggle my life. All the reasons for why I quit working in the first place hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized I got myself in over my head. I have since hired someone to help me out in the mornings with my little guy so that has helped a lot. It will enable me to get through this 2 month deal but after that I am done. Even though I only have to do 4 hours each day, because I have to spread that out between school drop off, lunch, naps, school pick up, dinner, and managing my family I end up feeling like I am working all day because it takes from morning to night to get the full 4 hours in. I am stretched beyond belief. I feel like my head cannot be where it needs to be which is on my family. So all in all I guess I learned a good lesson. I am just not ready. I am not ready to go back to the rat race. The extra money is nice right now of course but it is so not worth the strain on my family, myself and my sanity. We have managed without it and we can do it again.

Now you are six

Tomorrow is my oldest son's 6th birthday. Today at his school they had a birthday ceremony for him. Parents can bring in a special birthday snack for the class. At circle time the child circles the center of the floor holding a globe, each revolution representing a year in the child's life. Parents are invited to attend the ceremony and share stories, pictures or artifacts to illustrate each year. The ceremony is concluded with songs.

I baked banana muffins to bring in. I wrote a poem for him and brought in a few pictures. The children were so wonderful. They loved the poem and asked a ton of questions when I was finished. They are learning about rhyming words right now so I thought it would be fun to discuss with them what a poem is. They especially liked seeing the pictures of my DS when he was a baby.

I wrote it in a very simple voice so it could be easily understood by the children. I thought I would share it with you.

Now You Are Six

Once a baby oh so small
So quickly it seemed
you learned to crawl.

You learned to walk when you were one.
Watching you change was so much fun.

At age two you loved to dance and sing
You loved books, art,
and learning about most everything.

Age three and four you were out the door
digging, building, and exploring more.

Age five was the year you sprouted tall.
Biking, swimming, and soccer
You loved to do it all.

Now you are six and in school at last
Meeting new friends -
learning and growing fast.

Happy Birthday my sweet child.

Job Interview

Yesterday I went on my first job interview in 11 years. It was horrible. In the end I was told I was a strong candidate but when I got into my car I burst into tears. I am left torn and confused and quiet honestly I hope it is not offered to me. Before becoming a SAHM two years ago I had worked for the same company for 9 years. My experience at this other company was wonderful. I got a ton of experience and learned so much about myself and business. It groomed me to be independent and a self starter. It paved my way to becoming a self employed entrepreneur that I now am. Being thrown back into an environment of strict schedules and corporate life was shocking to my system. I started to doubt why I was there. My intent was to get a part time job through the holidays to bring in some extra cash. The reality would be that I work 4 nights a week from about 6-11pm plus one weekend day. I thought perhaps it could be a little less than that but it doesn't look that way. I feel like I am struggling enough as it is keeping my family organized and my small business afloat. I honestly do not think I could burn both ends of stick by working until 11pm, getting to bed at midnight, and then up at 6am for my other full time job - my family.

My DH and I talked long and hard about it last night and I don't think he wants me to do it. He knows me too well and thinks it will be too much on me and the family. Talking to my mother did not help. She was a nurse and worked 3-11pm until I was in College. When I asked her how she did it she simply said "I had to. It was sink or swim." Although the money would help us a ton it isn't as dire for us. We have gotten by this far and we can continue to do it. But yes the money would help.

I am so torn. If I go with my gut (which I am a huge believer in) it would be to say no if the job is offered to me. I feel lost and confused.

Public School NOT Government School

So I pick my 6 year old up at school yesterday and he tells me he has been wearing his jacket all day. When I asked him why he told me that he kept forgetting to take it off. That he meant to after recess but they had to go into another classroom, then he meant to but it was time for lunch and so on. He said he was hot but he just felt like there was never time to take it off. I know the kids are supposed to be learning independence at school and the teachers cannot fuss over them like in preschool but I just thought perhaps the teacher could have asked him if he wanted to take off his jacket?

I ended up speaking to the teacher about it because I felt like it was just one of many things I have noticed since he started. There have been many things like this where he seems to be having a hard time remembering all that needs to come home each day, his super late lunch (1pm like I posted about earlier) and in general just getting used to a more rigid schedule.

The teacher was very receptive and felt bad that he was hot all day and felt like he didn't have time to stop and take off his jacket. What was very disheartening however was how she said that she even feels their schedules are so full this year and she even thinks they just go from one thing to another without having much breathing space. She explained how there is just so much they are supposed to fit into one day.

I left with a sad heart. There just seems to be no hope. These teachers don't want to teach like this. This time of schedule is not good for children. Yet our hands are tied. The teachers have to do what they are told. There is no flexibility. There is no hope to even work the the schools because parents, teachers do not run the schools now. The federal government does. And if they don't do what the federal government says they lose their funding. This is bull crap.

I want the schools to be state run again. If we are paying tax money to these schools I think the parents, teachers and state officials should be the ones who decide what is best for their local schools. There has go to be a better way. There has got to be a way to influence government officials to not renew the No Child Left Behind Act or at least alter it greatly. I urge you to read all you can about his act. I was floored when I actually read through all the actual text of it. There is a lot in there that might surprise you. Educate yourselves and get in touch with your local government officials. I contacted mine yesterday.

These are public schools we are talking about. Public schools that we all pay for. They are not and should not be run by the federal government.

Rockin' out

Last night I went out to Higher Ground to see my friend Neil Cleary play. Neil is a local legend around here. Former member of the Pants and now a well established singer/songwriter. He left Burlington (again) for Boston but he was back last night for his CD release party. I am so glad I went. He is simply amazing. This new album is very different for him but oh so good. You can read my original review of the album here.

I had a blast. Hung out with some friends I hadn't seen in a while, got to chat with Neil, and listened to some great music.

Seven Days wrote a great article about him. You can read it here.

have a great weekend. I plan on doing some apple picking, going on a hike, cleaning my yard and practicing my guitar. Thanks for the inspiration on the last one Neil.

R.I.P Long Fin

A few weeks ago we got our kids their first pet. Enzo named him Long Fin because "he has long fins" my son said. They loved him so much. Tonight he died. It was horrible actually. We were getting ready for bed and the kids were watching the fish when all of a sudden he shot straight up to the top of the tank and then just kind of hung there for a moment before just sinking to the bottom. Enzo got very upset. The fish moved a little bit at first and then it became clear he had died. My son kept asking if he was going to get better. We had to finally tell him that Long Fin had died and was not going to come back. This was his first experience with death. He cried very hard as I held him. He asked my husband to take the fish bowl into the other room. He kept saying how unfair it was, that he wanted to still have him as a pet, and that we have not had him long enough. I agreed, cried with him and held him tight.

New! Nursing reminder bracelets

I am cross posting this from my studio blog (sorry if you read both) because it pertains to mama issues.

I will be delivering these new nursing reminder bracelets to Bebop Baby Shop in Essex Jct. Vermont this week.

Nursing reminder bracelets are worn on the mothers writs and easily slipped to the side she needs to nurse on next. Believe me (I nursed two babies) when you are in the fog of a new baby it is very easy to forget which side you need to nurse on at the next feeding. These small bracelets offer a stylish and easy to use reminder.

When I had my first child 6 years ago I needed a reminder. At first I just used one of my hair elastic bands on my wrist. Not only are they not very attractive, but they also tended to be on the tight side. I have always made stretch bracelets so I decided to just wear one of my own instead. I found that the beads I used on my regular bracelets were too large and would dig into my wrist while the baby was resting on my arm nursing.

By the time I had my second child I started to get it right. I started making specific bracelets with smaller, smoother beads for myself and friends specifically as a nursing reminder bracelet I decided to finally make a batch and offer them to the public. I also designed these with more neutral colors. I wanted it to be a bracelet a mom could wear with anything.

Now available at Bebop Baby Shop located online and at 167 Pearl Street, Essex Jct Vermont. Or call 802-316-3069

I am sick this weekend and staying low in doors. I finished up some nursing reminder bracelets I am making for a new local baby shop (details soon) and I just finished up making this homemade Sicilian pizza sauce. I made it from a large amount of local organic tomatoes I get from my CSA farmshare. The first pizza is cooking in the oven right now. Yum. I know the cheese won't be good for my cold but it sure will taste good.

Meet LongFin

The boys have been wanting to get a pet. Since I am allergic to cats and not quite ready for a dog we decided on a fish. Enzo named him Long Fin because according to Enzo "he has long fins".

I'm trying. I'm really trying to get into the whole public school system thing. I am so used to causal preschool where you go into the building, talk to the teacher, take your time leaving, have a say in what goes on etc. Now we stand outside, see the teacher for a second if we are lucky, and just have to trust the system. Trust the system. This is what everyone keeps telling me I have to do. I was horrified to find out my child who does not drink milk (not because of allergies) now drinks it twice a day because milk is all the school serves at snack and lunch. What? No water? I was told there is a water fountain in the hallway if the children want water. I am not saying milk is like soda or anything here, but I do think water should be served right along side of milk. My DS drinks soy milk with his cereal in the morning and has a cup at dinner time but he has never had a glass of cow milk in his life and now he has to drink it twice a day at school because that is all they offer.

Trust the system? You are talking to a girl who never trusted the system since the day she was born. I was the girl in school who fought the system from as early as I can remember. I remember fighting hall passes, and bells, protesting one year because state did not acknowledge Martin Luther King Day (the next year the school started holding assemblies), it seems I was always rocking the boat in school. I pined over all the kids who went to the nearby Waldorf school system. I never felt like I belonged where I was. I sucked at testing, math and science. I did well in English, Social Studies, music and the arts. I didn't learn the way others learned and because of that I suffered. My point here is that I did not trust the system as a child and I am now finding myself surrounded by those same thoughts and feelings again.

Of course I am much older and wiser now but my core has not changed. This time around instead of total rebellion I will choose to become an active member in the school. Yes Rockergirrl will join the PTO. I firmly believe parents have an important role in public education. There is a place for our opinions and ideas.

Watch out PTO - here I come.

1st Bento Box lunch

I have been on a search to find a lead free lunch box for my child. I have pimped the site reusablebags.com already here but I wanted to share with you the one I ended up getting. It is called laptop lunches and it is based on the concept of the Japanese bento box.

I love the idea of a product that supports offering children a healthy lunch consisting of a variety of choices rather than prepackaged foods.

I survived my first week of Enzo going to Kindergarten but they were just half days. Tomorrow he starts on his full day schedule is which is 8:10am-2:30pm. I still believe Kindergarten should only be half day but this is the way it is and I guess I will just have to see how it goes. So I packed his first lunch tonight in his new Bento box. The picture is bad but it consists of a bean, cheese and salsa burrito, grapes, corn chip and salsa and two little whole grain cookies. It goes into a super cute laptop style bag. He has been practicing with the bag all weekend and is excited to use it tomorrow. I on the other hand am terrified of him in the big lunch room. Now I know why they don't let the parents in the school each day. I would never leave.

Get Ready to STRUT

Live fashion show featuring local, independent artists and fashion designers plus a live DJ.
Awesome clothing and accessories will be for sale before and after each fashion show.
(so bring CASH $$)


Subsixstudios will be participating in the Saturday show only. I will have three new pieces from my new collection in the fashion show and I will also have a table set up selling jewelry before and after the show. See you then!