Magic cottage gets a facelift

I have always wanted a purple front door. Today I picked out the most glorious shade of purple and made my dream come true. Now my magic cottage looks even more magical.


Before the purple paint

After the purple paint

After the purple paint

I was thinking of you the whole time

My friend Neil Cleary has just finished recording his third solo CD called I was thinking of you the whole time. It is not officially released until the fall but he has about 100 copies available for early purchase. I came home Sunday from a trip to find mine waiting for me in my mailbox. As Neil describes it "inspired by two of my favorite albums, Liz Phair's Exile In Guyville and Aimee Mann's Bachelor #2, it takes a sorta wry look at hookups and letdowns, except from the perspective of the villainous heartbreaker character on the other end. It's a little trip to the dark end of the psyche -- and with a fun-time summer-rockin' beat!"

My review of it? He is magic. Pure magic. He has the ability to make the girls wonder if one of his songs is about them and the others hoping one could be.

Check him out at
www.neilcleary.com

Listen to tracks from the CD and or buy one of these early releases
www.myspace.com/neilcleary

When Silence Speaks

Wonderful Waterworld (via B.Wilson)

Introducing my new tumblelog titled When Silence Speaks. It is a collection of photos, words, art, and design I find inspiring.

check it for daily updates. get inspired.

want to know what a tumblelog is? Find out here.

7 Years

Saturday JB and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary. His parents were in town so they watched the kids while we went out. We started our evening with some drinks at one of our favorite bars. They have the best back patio that reminds us both of bars in San Francisco. We then had dinner at Leunig's Bistro. The meal was excellent but I was a bit bummed on the service. I actually had to get up and as the host for water during our meal because it was never put on our table. Isn't that the first thing put on the table when you sit down? The food was so good it outweighed the bad service. After dinner we stopped at Uncommon Ground for coffee and cookies. We got to sit in the window and watch a fabulous street performer on Church Street. It was a wonderful night.

JB and I met only one year before we were married. We met in May of 1999 in San Francisco. Set up by a mutual friend, we fell fast and furious for each other. We used to frequent a place called Zeitgeist and it is here where we both said je t'aime to each other for the first time. Four months later we found out I was pregnant. Sadly we lost the baby who we call "little" but we knew at this point we were meant to be together . We moved into a tiny apartment a block from Ocean Beach and planned our wedding. We were married 7 months later on June 16. 2000.

After a honeymoon in Mexico we packed a UHaul and left the city that watched us fall in love.

Here is a poem I wrote about JB the month I first met him.

An innocent meeting
in an office bright
Is when you first came
into my sight.
I know it sounds corny
but yet it is true
I never knew what love at first sight was
until I met you.

You made my heart flutter
my soul melt like butter
We spoke or the first time
and that was the sign.

I think you are the reason
I have been looking so long
I think you are the reason
everything up until now has been wrong.
-----------------------------

happy anniversary lover.

Swing me silly

Thank you to our family and friends who contributed to the swing set for Sal's birthday. It is finally finished and the boys have been playing on it every second of the day.

Going local

My decision to become a vegetarian over 15 years ago forced me to learn more about food and cooking. In order to get the proper nutrients I had to learn to eat more than pasta and cheese. I moved to VT in 1991 when I was a freshman at Southern Vermont College in Bennington VT. After college I moved up to the Stratton area. One of my many jobs was at a health food store in Londonderry. It was here where I learned so much more about food and natural health. I worked in the store during the day and at night I did prep cook work for the restaurant they owned next door. I loved going into the garden each evening and picking the editable flowers to add to each freshly made salad for the customers that night.

After a few years we grew tired of the resort life. I had just turned 21 and I craved music, nightlife and more creative energy so we headed north and settled in Burlington. Three or four years later I had an opportunity to move to CA and I took it. I spent 2 years there before moving back to Burlington after meeting and getting married in CA before we left. Tomorrow will be our 7 year wedding anniversary and 7 years since we moved to VT from CA.

Ever since we got here we have never really thought we would stay. Two children, a house and 7 years later we are still here and I finally feel like our roots are planted. Yesterday I was reminded of just why I love VT so much.

We joined our local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) farm share program the Intervale Community Farm. We did it with another farm a few years ago where we picked up our weekly veggies at a house in the neighborhood. This one is completely different. You actually go to the farm to get your share. So we pull up with the two kids and we thought there was a party going on. Kids everywhere playing together, climbing trees, and digging in the sandboxes. Watching adults sitting around conversing with each other and the kids playing just gave me this overwhelming sense of community. We picked up our share of food and also were lucky to pick our own strawberries and herbs on top of our share for that week. We stayed to let the kids play for a while. It was truly wonderful. The kids can't wait to go back.

VT has a huge "buy local" kick right now. Supporting these farmers through the csa programs, buying local products as much as possible is helping to add to VT economy. The other benefit is environmental. Why buy lettuce that has been trucked out from CA when you can buy it local? The taste difference is hands down undeniable. Of course the winter months can get tough to buy local veggies but a lot of these farms are also starting to offer winter shares to get carrots, squash etc throughout the winter.

I highly recommend seeing if your area offers a CSA farm share program. Not only are you getting super fresh food, you are also saving money and helping support the farmers. There are so many wonderful reasons why everyone should start thinking local. Help build a better community where you live.

Why I hate the ice cream truck

Remember the neighbor hood ice cream truck? Well we have one in our neighborhood but I want to run out and throw rocks at it whenever it goes by. Why? Because for the past 5 years I have lived in this neighborhood we are on the suckiest route. That darn truck only drives by my house at dinner time or right before bed. Now I know I eat a lot earlier than most (6:00) and my kids go to be pretty early (7:00 & 8:00) but come on now. Is it too much to ask to get on a different route one time.

I am not big on the crap they sell in those things but my oldest is 5 1/2, it is summer and I would like to be able to indulge him once in a while. My poor kids hear the dumb music being played from the truck miles away and they jump from the dinner table or run to the window in the pj's to oogle at the truck.

One time a few weeks ago it managed to find its way down my street on a Saturday at around 2:00 in the afternoon. Our ears perked at the sound of the music, we dropped what we were doing and made a dash across the backyard, threw open the fence and flagged down the truck. Before I even gave my order the poor guy got an earful from me about how I think they should put some other streets on the night time shift and give us a break for once. Needless to say that was the one and only time we saw them during the day.

oh well - we don't need all that partially hydrogenated crap anyway.

Date night

JB and I before we left.

My $2.o0 outfit.

All of my yardsale finds for $7.00

This weekend started out right with an early morning yard sale adventure with two of my friends. There is this super funky neighborhood in our town that has a sale every year. If you are into funky, vintage items for some reason this street has it all. I usually hit the same house first. I hit the jackpot this year. It is the home to an artist who opens up her backyard studio and sells vintage clothing and nik naks. It picked up 6 pieces of clothing and a table cloth for $7.00. This new clothing came at the perfect time. JB and I were headed out on a date that night. To see our first movie at a theater together in 5 years.

My friend gave me movie tickets and a night of babysitting for my birthday. She is pregnant and due at the end of July so we decided to use the gift now before she give birth. I picked out my outfit from my new selection of clothing. It felt amazing to put on some new clothes and feel comfortable and new for my date. The evening was gorgeous. We had a drink before the movie. It felt so good to be out with JB.

The experience rejuvenated me. I have been feeling frazzled and burnt out. It is amazing what a new outfit and a night out can do to refuel you.

I did it!

Well last night I performed at the Moms Who Rock show at Higher Ground. I was a wreck all day on Sunday. The nerves finally kicked in and I had butterflies all day. JB dropped me off at the venue at 5:00pm where I met up with the other 25 moms who were performing that night. You could see us all scanning the room trying to figure out who could really sing and who couldn't. We got the song order and I learned I would be #21 out of 25 performers. I was pretty bummed. We all took turns going up on stage to get a feel for the mic and the setting. I got a bit nervous when a few of the moms belted out a few notes to test the mic. Um yeah non professions - I think not.

So the show began. JB was there and a group of my friends. I felt a bit better as the show started and several people forgot lines and froze on stage. It made me realize everyone was in the same boat as me. That is until a few of the ladies got up and it was crystal clear these moms have sung in bands before (which was supposedly against the rules) they hit every word, hit every note perfectly and pretty much made me want to puke.

My turn finally came. I waited on the side of the stage as they announced me and read my bio. We were asked why we joined the Moms Who Rock competition. The announcer read my response which was "I want to prove that being a mother is more than playdates and playdough." I was pumped to go up on stage. Walking up the stairs and crossing the stage was the BEST feeling. The band started and I felt very comfortable. I got through my entire performance as I had practiced, didn't miss one word, BUT I sang it completely off key from the band. I knew it but I couldn't fix it and I just decided to give it my all. I was proud I went up there, proud I didn't mess up and freeze on stage. The singing (if you can call it that) was off but man did I rock out and have fun.

The evening ended when they called everyone up on stage to present the gifts that all the performers were getting. A brand new Shure microphone, manicure/pedicure, pot of flowers, gift card to Pizza Put, and a bag filled with soaps organic snacks and goodies. I felt like a winner. Three first place winners were chosen and they got a spa overnight in addition to all the goodies we got. Of course it was the three who obviously sang in bands before. They did a great job and deserve it of course but I did find it a bit irritating that people were allowed to perform who obviously were very experienced at playing with a band and being on stage. It just seemed to go against what it was supposed to be about.

See we never got to play with the band before last night. We were given a cd of the original recording of our song choice and that was it. We had to practice with the cd and then show up to play with a band doing their version of the song. I have never sung with a band before so I had no clue how to try to match them once I was into the song. I am done feeling embarrassed about it. The first time I watched back the video I cringed at the vocals. The second time I watched it I could see beyond the vocals and focus on my stage performance which freakin' rocked. I did look comfortable, I did rock out, I did look like I belonged there. I am going to take this opportunity to push myself harder, practice more, get back out on the open mic scene and keep rockin'.

All in all it was a very successful benefit for the Burlington Woman's Rape Crisis Center and that is what it was really all about. They are truly the winners. Someone at the event even gave a $1,000 check. Amazing!

**Thanks to everyone who came out for the show. The place was packed. Special thanks to my friends who came out to support me and the cause.

more pics

Moms Who Rock - getting nervous

photo: me at high school talent show 1991

So Sunday is my big show. I will self promote for a minute here again - Sunday 7/3 at Higher Ground I will be participating in a benefit for the Women's Rape Crisis Center of Burlington. It is a called Moms Who Rock and you can read about it here.

So I am starting to get pretty nervous. I have performed only a few times. My first was in Highschool (which is my avatar pic right now) I played my guitar and sang a Sinead O'conner song. Funny huh. I went on to do two more events like that in college. After college I played at a weekly open mic in Southern Vermont at a place called the Red Fox. After moving to Burlington and having kids my playing generally stayed in the basement. I have only done one open mic since moving here (7 years ago). The other bit of important info is that I am not very good. I have been involved in music since picking up the clarinet for school band in middle school, finding the guitar in highschool and involved in chorus and select choir all through high school also. I have also been writing poetry and songs since elementary school and that has been my driving force to sing and play guitar. BUT I am not that good. I am just a person who has an inner drive to write and sing even though I know I will never try out for Americal Idol or anything. I just can't stop. It is what I do and it is what I have to keep doing.

So I am going into this performance on Sunday with an open mind. It is my first time ever singing with a band. It will be my first time and probably last time playing on the stage at Higher Ground. I mean what an opportunity right? That is why I had to jump at the chance. One of the many things that having children and aging has taught me is I can push away my fears a bit easier and just go for it. In an age of American Idol where people are expected to be perfect I just have to hold on to the hope that there are still a lot of great performers out there who have made who would never have even passed the first try out on American Idol.

I am not perfect but I have something to share with the world and nothing will stop me.

Digging in the dirt

It has been a busy week working on my garden and yard. I put up a gazebo on my back deck which has almost given us another room. We were unable to sit out there during the day because it gets the direct sun all day and was way too hot. We can actually enjoy the space now. On sale for $69.99 at Ace Hardware.

We had a birthday bash for me on Saturday. Friends came over for some bocce ball and good food. I got lots of wonderful goodies from my friends. A two hour massage, homemade massage oil and comfy salve, a wonderful bag, movie passes and a night of babysitting, a gift card to Gardeners Supply and another one to Made Boutique. Thanks everyone!

The rest of the weekend was spent in my garden. I finished planting my veggie garden. Decided to go small and do it well. I invested money in bags of Intervale compost to make my soil happy and I planted 4 tomato plants in between my peas and chives. I also planted two strawberry plants. They will all live among the many sunflowers my son and I planted earlier. I also added to my herb/kids garden. We built a spiral herb garden and it is now filled with basil, lemon balm, parsley, cilantro and mint. Lavender and Rosemary are planted around it. With my gardeners supply gift card I was able to buy an amazing big blue ceramic pot to put in my back garden (thanks Kim for the tip) and I planted bulbs in it.

It was an amazing weekend of digging in the dirt.

***I have been trying to upload pictures to blogger for two days and I am still unable to. Argh! So for now you can see my recent garden pics that should have gone with this post on my flickr site here

My day

My birthday yesterday was delightful. JB took the day off which made it so special. I went to the most amazing garden center in the morning (by myself) and bought lots of flowers for my front window boxes. I came home and was able to plant them while he watched the kids. We spent the rest of the day in yard working on putting our new swing set together. The weather was just perfect. We had a quick early pasta dinner and then had some cake and ice cream. My mom & dad sent me a gorgeous basket of flowers, JB got me this awesome belt I had been crushing at Made Boutique for months, JB's parents got me a gift card to Gardener's Supply, and the boys gave me the painted projects they made at the paint a pot shop. Enzo's gift was light switch which is now rocking the wall in my kitchen and Sal gave me a painted elephant to hang. I love my boys.

The evening ended well by JB and I going out for a couple of drinks with some friends after we put the boys to bed while a friend babysat as my birthday gift. Thanks Kylbl!

I had many happy birthday wishes come through the phone, email and blogging community. Thanks to everyone! Usually I get bummed out when people forget my birthday. It seems like each year the numbers increase as we age and build families etc. This year it was three of my closest friends who forgot. It bummed me out but I didn't let it get to me as hard as I have in the past. It was a wonderful day and I am grateful for what I had.

birthday flowers from my mom & dad

belt I had been crushing from JB

my boys holding up their handmade gifts

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday!

to honor myself today I will

• take small moments for myself throughout the day
• weed and nourish my garden to cleanse my soul
• sip tea in the afternoon
• plant flowers in my window boxes for new growth
• thank my mother for birthing me

Happy Birthday Salvatore!

Two years ago today my littlest guy was born. Today Salvatore turns two! If interested read my birth story here .

We celebrated his birthday on Saturday. My parents came up for the event and we also invited a small group of our friends over. The weather was lovely and we were able to be outside. I made a two layer carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. It was yummy. Sal had a wonderful time. He was most amazed by the 15 balloons we bought for him that morning. His only request for the party was balloons and a bowl of booty. He got what he wanted. He received some wonderful gifts from our friends (thank you everyone), a trike from us and our family pitched in (thanks everyone) with us to buy a swing set for the both of the boys. Because of his older brother we are all set in the toy and book dept so we thought it would be a nice to get a swing set for both of them to use.

Little Sal it has been amazing having you in our lives. You have such a wonderful quiet yet crazy personality. You can sit and get absorbed in a book or digging in your garden spot but there are still many moments when you are only satisfied having me hold you. I will cherish every moment when you walk over to me and desire my arms around you. Your vocabulary has bloomed and it is music to my ears when you speak and show me your world through your words now. The other day when you came up to me, put your arms around my neck and said "I luv mommy" I thought my heart would melt into a puddle on the floor. I think it did.

Thank you sweet boy. Thank you for bringing such joy into my life. Thank you for being a friend and brother to Enzo. Thank you for choosing us.

Happy Birthday little guy. We love you so much.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you mamas out there. I was lucky to have my mom up for a visit this weekend. I surprised her with peanut butter toast in bed like I used to do when I was little. She was so happy. My boys then gave me some flowers and took me to the Blue Plate cafe which is like a paint your own pottery place where they each made me something. JB cooked me breakfast and dinner and I think I only changed one diaper today total. It was great. At the end of the day JB took the kids to the park and gave me an hour at home by myself to be in the sun and dig in my garden. It was wonderful.

Thank you JB, Enzo and Sal for being the best family in the world to be a mother to. Thank you to my mother for all the love and support you have given me.

losing little

Tomorrow is a bitter sweet day for me. My youngest son turns two on Monday the 14th but we are having his birthday party tomorrow on 5/12. May 12th happens to also be what would have been my oldest child's 7th birthday. I lost the baby when I was 9 weeks pregnant. The loss of this child was devastating to JB and I. We were only a few months into our relationship when I got pregnant. It was through the experience of losing our child that we decided we were meant to be together and got married 8 months later. This child whom we call "little" has always been in our hearts. I am reminded of her every month when I have my period as the blood only brings back the horrible night of the miscarriage. My second child Enzo was ironically born 2 years later to the exact day that we lost little. So every year on his birthday we observe our loss silently by hanging a floral arrangement we make from our garden in her honor. So now comes spring and my third child Sal was born 2 days after what would have been little's birthday. So far we haven't explained little to our other children. In time we will. For now we will cherish these gentle reminders that our other children bring us as they celebrate their birthdays and we silently mourn another.

the picture below is of the roses we placed at Ocean Beach in San Francisco a week after we lost little. We lived a block from this beach at the time and it was very special place to us. We ended getting married up on the cliffs you see in the distance 8 months later. It is hard being on the other side of the country now from this place. Someday I hope to go back.

Moms Who Rock

Yes it is true. I rockergirrl will be hitting the stage Sunday 6/3 at Higher Ground Music for the Moms Who Rock competition.

Sunday 6/3 MOMS WHO ROCK

Advance Music and Star 92.9 are giving 25 lucky Moms a chance to come out and strut their stuff........from the Moms who secretly sing in their cars, to the shower singers, or maybe even the Moms who sneak out to the Karaoke contests on the weekends, this event gets Moms up on the big stage, singing with a live rock band, in front of a big crowd. This event is a benefit for the Woman's Rape Crisis Center in Burlington. Please come out and show your support for this great cause and the Moms who Rock!

Gardening is great for kids

Gardening has become a passion of mine. I am very much still a beginner but every year I learn more and more. Much like parenting gardening takes patience and time, and one will never truly master it. Also like parenting you need to take it day by day, provide food, time and care. Gardening is therapeutic for me. If I am having a bad day there is nothing like ripping out weeds to take out my frustration of even the simple act of standing still watering my flowers and taking in their beauty and scents can calm my nerves.

Gardening is also a wonderful activity for children. The act of planting a seed, learning to water it each day and watching it grow is a wonderful lesson for them. My children love helping me plant and water. Every day the run outside to see if any of our seeds have sprouted and when the veggies get big there is nothing better than having them pick right from our garden and then watch me cook them up for dinner. The lessons learned about the earth, where our food comes from and recycling is priceless. My children know that when we rake our leaves we either add them to our compost or bring them to our local center which turns them into compost that we then buy from them to put back into our yards.

Spring has sprung and summer is coming. You don't always have to find summer camps and endless activities to keep your children occupied this summer. Look around you and in your own backyard and you will be amazed at what you can find to do.

If you don't have a yard or live in a city do not fret. Container gardening is just as rewarding. Everything from flowers, herbs and so many vegetables can be grown in containers.

happy digging.

Hand to hold

As I prepare to send my oldest child to Kindergarten this fall I find myself confronting many issues around the idea of letting go. Fall seems so far away but really since school now starts the last week of August it seems already as if my summer is being robbed. Although being home with him all day is challenging all of a sudden I just don't want to let him go 5 days a week to full time school (we don't have half days here). I know it is good for him, I know he is going to absolutely love school, and I know this is just the first steps of many to come. I can't help myself from getting choked up each time I think about it though. In four short months I will be letting go. Letting go of my little boy into the world of public school. From that day on for the next 12 years he will be spending more time in that building than in my home. I am just simply not ready.

Here is a nice article called Hand to Hold I found on mothering.com today relating to this topic.

Yes I am a hippie

I am giddy with joy over our new push lawn mower.

lawn mower fact:

A conventional lawn mower pollutes as much in an hour as 40 late model cars (or as much as as much air pollution as driving a car for 100 miles).

Here is a picture of our new beauty. No more smelly gas mower. No more having to hide the kids in the house when we mow because of spitting rocks and sticks. No more having to wait until our neighbors are awake to mow the lawn. Using a push mower is great exercise too.