Letting something go.

The other day while at the gym I was watching Rachel Ray (it was just on ok) and she had on a mom of two kids who told her story of racing off in the morning to drop off her oldest child at school, race home with her 10 month child, proceed to work her part time at home job, take care of the younger child, pick up the older one later in the day, do dinner, bedtime, and then proceed to study for the online classes she is taking to complete her degree. She was frazzled and didn't know what to do. I started crying on treadmill because I could have been looking at myself on that screen. I just wanted to shout out "That's me!"

I am burned out.
Last fall I took a web project management consulting job for two months at the company I used to work for. It was a struggle trying to juggle it all and I decided I would never do it again. When they asked me a few months ago if I would be interested in another project I had to give it another try. The extra money is of course a major incentive but so is keeping a connection with the company. The project was a very interesting challenge for me so I decided to take it. I have been working 15 hours a week managing the project from home since Feb. The process has been so much smoother this time. I learned how to better juggle my time and to really stick to the three hours a day I am supposed to work. It is hard to let those three hours become your entire day. It is hard to juggle it on top of my other responsibilities of mother, home maker and small business owner. You know what though? I am loving it.

But like the mother I saw on Rachel Ray I am getting a bit frazzled. The advice she was given was that something had to go. I have been thinking about this myself the past month. As much as I love the small business I am running I can't afford to work as much as the small business requires for free anymore. I can make a very good living if I continue with this consulting work and I can continue to be home with my children as well. I only have a certain amount of hours in my day and I have to pick and choose how I use them. I am not going to give up my small business of jewelry and books but I am also not going to expect it to become my main income and because of this I need to let go somewhat.

If I can keep the consulting work going I am hoping once my youngest is in preschool this fall I will have more flexibility and be able to go into the office from time to time until the school day is over. It is the best situation for me. So although nothing is really changing on the outside with my jewelry/book business, I am making major internal changes and boy does it feel good. Learning to let go and re prioritize things in your life whether it is work, school or activities can be such a refreshing and rewarding experience.

Yesterday was JB's birthday. He got out of work early and the kids and I surprised him as he walked in the door with confetti, party hats, and flowers. It was Enzo's idea. We then had an early taco dinner and I surprised him by telling him I had gotten our neighbors to babysit for a short time so we could out for a drink. After dinner we ate a yummy apple spice cake with butter cream frosting that I made. We put the kids to bed and went downtown. It was a short outing but it felt so great to be out with him.

Ice Storm

We had a crazy ice storm this weekend. Our telephone and cable lines broke from the house and got wrapped around our electric line and hung dangerously low over the street. A tree branch also fell on our electric cable lowering it so much we could not get out of our driveway. All this happened about 7pm on Saturday and stayed this way until 11am on Sunday when help could finally come. Here are some pictures taken the day of the storm and the rest are taken today when the beauty of the storm finally revealed itself.

New name - same but different game

I have been struggling between two blogs. I started this one when I first became a mother 6 years ago. It started out as a place for me to write about my struggles with juggling the new role I had as mother while trying to save space for my creative being. As the years went by and my family has grown, so has my creativity. After the birth of my second child came the birth of my craft business, the decision to quit my full time job and build a new structure around full time parenting and part time business entrepreneur. Just as my life has changed so has my interests in writing. I created a separate blog for my crafting business thinking I would try to separate that side of my brain from this one. What I have found is that they cannot be separated. I am one. I would not be the mother I am without my creativity. I would not be the artist and business owner I am today if I wasn't a mother. They both consume me, empower me, move me.

I have decided to change the name of this blog to upon being. upon being has been a phrase that I have used from time to time for short periods over the years in various online outlets but it never felt like the right fit anywhere until now. It was the clear choice to me when trying to pick a new name.

For the most part the themes on this blog will not change. The main themes will be around natural family living, craft, music, art, design, and books. I will no longer be keeping two separate blogs. I feel lighter already.

The url will not change but please if you have my blog listed on yours could you update the name from Mamaspeak to upon being?

thanks.

Weekly Status update

Enzo' artwork has changed so much this year. I am so proud of his budding skills. This is a picture he drew of our half dog Silis. Silis doesn't live with us but we have visitation rights (long story).
A picture of the boys today. They have this thing with strings. Forgot toys. They each just need a string and they will have a full day of fun.

I have been a busy girl. I took on a 5 week consulting job at my old company helping them finish up a website project. This time around I set some boundaries so I wouldn't get as burned out as I did in the fall. I am working roughly 3-4 hours a day from home. It is still a juggling circus as I drive Enzo to school, JB to work, hit the gym three of the days, then rush home with Sal in tow to log in by 10:00 am. This is after having been on to check email and set up my resources with their work for the morning all before leaving the house at 7:45. All in all I feel like I am finally getting the swing of it. It is hard since I have Sal home with me still but it was hard working full time out of the house too. Neither one is a piece of cake. I am just grateful to have this opportunity and I plan to keep it going as long as the work comes in. We are able to pay off some debt without having to pay any childcare so it is worth the sacrifice for now.

On top of this I have been busy building my new Barefoot Books business. I have my second home event next week, I have fundraising opportunities sent out to two local preschools, I have officially become a sponsor by having another Stallholder join my team, and I have a few prospects hopefully joining in the next few weeks. All of this in the two months since I joined. I am extremely excited to build my team and business.

Enzo has been on school vacation this week. It has been so nice to be able to lounge around in bed with the kids while JB has to get up and rush off to the bus. Sorry honey - that sucks for you. I love the break from drop off and pick up. What I don't like though is missing my rest time when Sal naps. We have had a mellow week because Sal ended up with pneumonia. It was a very mild case and he is fine now having been on antibiotics all week but it still sucks. He ended up getting nebulizer treatment and we were sent in with a home one. He goes in next week to get checked for asthma, allergies etc.

As for the weather - well I am sick of it. It is cold and snowy with no signs of spring in site. I am dreaming of my garden. I am planning on turning my existing vegetable garden plot into the kids digging area and instead I am going to have 4 raised bed gardens in a different spot for the veggies. I can't wait to get my hands dirty in the earth again. I am going to start my garden journal soon so I can plan out some new beds I plan on starting as well.

Dare to dream

The little movie that could Once was represented at the Oscars last night. The two musicians who played as actors in the movie as well were up for an oscar last night for Best Original Song in a movie last night. Here they are Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová accepting the award.


Here is the performance from last night


Markéta was not able to give her speech so they actually brought her out later so she could have the chance to give it. I can't get my hands on that video yet but I will post it once I do. It was just amazing to see these people win. You could tell how humbled they were by the experience. I was a bit afraid that crappy disney music would win over indie music since the three songs from the movie Enchantment were also up for oscars. I am so thankful the academy was able to see these well deserving and true talents for what they are. Watching Gen and Markéta win and then Diablo Cody for Juno was so inspiring. Three truly independent artists who really prove that anyone's dreams can come true.

Friday is Pie Day

Pizza pie that is. Having pizza on Friday for dinner is a tradition JB and I have done since before having children. Back in the day though we ordered out for pizza every Friday. Even after Enzo was born we were able to keep this tradition going. Once the second child was born and I stopped working we had to cut out things like going out for dinner and ordering pizza. So I started buying store bought dough and making our own pizza. I have recently moved to making my own pizza dough each week now and I am loving it. It takes a bit more time and there are some days where I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my order in, but I love the process of making the dough fresh each week. There is nothing like the taste of homemade dough. This is now one of the reasons I love Fridays. I love that it is the beginning of the weekend, I love making my pizza dough, I love happy hour, I love watching a movie in the evening with JB.

Hooray for Fridays!

Once

Once I finish school I will do this
Once I get a job I will do that
Once I have babies I will do this
Once my kids are grown I will do that
WAKE up - now is the time. Stop what you are doing and Start doing that one thing you have been putting off your entire life.

If you need some inspiration or are interested in hearing some of the best music ever made on this planet then you must watch the movie Once. Music has always been a big part of my life. It can move and motivate me. The music in Once has done this. I have always been one to judge music by my emotional reaction to it. The best music in the world to me can make me cry. It is very strange but certain music will strike an emotional chord in my body and make me cry. From rock to pop, folk to heavy metal - the best of the best will bring tears to my eyes. Let's just say it has been a while since any music I have heard lately has done this. The strike is over. I can't get enough of the music in Once. It plays over and over again in my head day in and day out.

Watch the preview for yourself below. If this song does not make you tingle you might not want to watch the movie. This movie is about the music. The actors are the real musicians. There is an incredible back story to this film that which I don't feel like going into here. My better half did a good job writing about the film here if interested. This movie was exactly what I needed to watch this week. I got out my guitar yesterday and played three times throughout the day. An act I have not done in some time.

Happy Valentines day to all.

JB brought me home these flowers last night and tonight we will enjoy some Lake Champlain chocolates that we got to share.

Got Art?

It has been a shock to my system this year to find out how little art has to do with my son's education now that he is in public school. Art class is once a week. Music class is once a week. Math and reading are every day. Now don't get me wrong. I understand the importance of math and reading. I love the fact that my child is reading at the level he is as a Kindergartner. I however also feel that art and music play as much of an important role in the primary education. I believe at the kindergarten level at least art should be a daily part of their learning. Basically what I have seen is that since kindergarten is public in my state they begin to follow the rigid rules public schools must follow which is teach to test.

Enzo not brought home one piece of artwork or any kind of summary or updates as to what they are learning about in art so far this year. Now to someone like me who lives and breaths the arts this is a big deal. When I asked his teacher I was told there is an art show at the end of the year and we are then given a portfolio of his work. This is great and all but to me art is not a side subject that I only care about seeing once a year. What Enzo creates and brings home in art is just as important to me as the weekly math and reading homework and projects he brings home. In order to get a full education I believe there needs more balance. It is unfortunate that in order to get an education richer in the arts I have to have a lot of money for a private school Why is it only those with more money have access to more choices?

I am keeping my fingers crossed about possible magnet schools being developed here. One of which would be more art based. I am not holding my breath though. I am sure my children will be well out of elementary school by the time it becomes available.

I just keep hoping and praying the No Child Left Behind Act will be revised and or demolished.

My daily fix

I have a weakness. I usually can't get through my day without it. I have tried to give it up but it just gets harder and harder. By mid afternoon I give in to my craving and pop some chocolate into my mouth.

Now any old chocolate just won't do. I am picky. I can't stand milk chocolate. It has to be dark. I have realized the higher quality the chocolate, the less I need to satisfy my craving. No crappy milk chocolate made with fake vanillin (yes look on the back - most are made with it now.) I want the real, dark stuff made with real vanilla extract. It is out there but you have to look.

My personal favorite is Lake Champlain Chocolates made right here in Burlington VT. They even have some great info on the health benefits of dark chocolate. All the more reason to eat some.

The way I satisfy my craving is to buy my favorite chocolate chips either these from Lake Champlain Chocolates, or these from Ghiradelli. I'm sorry but the cheap chocolate chips just won't do the same trick. The reasons these work so well is because of their size and flavor you can have just a few and you should be fine. Give me the cheap stuff and I would have to eat the whole bag. This way I keep a secret stash in the cabinet and I dip in just a few once day and I am good to go. Try it . I swear it works.

Enzo is reading!

He started a few months ago and has been progressing so much. In this picture he is actually reading this book to his little brother. It was honestly the most heart warming thing I have ever seen. He is in a multi age classroom. It is kindergarten and 1st graders mixed. He is in Kindergarten. I believe so strongly now in multi age classrooms for early education. It allows the children to get support regardless of their abilities. JB and I are both big readers so hearing him read for the first time was a wonderful milestone. We have been reading to him since birth. I can see the pride he now takes in being able to sit with a book and read it himself. We still read to him on a daily basis but we make sure he takes some time each day to practice reading on his own as well.

I'll have me some of these

Chocolate chip, oatmeal, coconut cookies

As much as I love to cook I have never been able to find the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe. So I decided to adapt one today and make it my own. I actually squealed with delight when I took the first bite.

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. hot water
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups chocolate chips
1/2 - 1 cup of oatmeal
1/2 - 1 cup coconut

Cream butter and sugars until smooth
Beat eggs one at a time, stir in vanilla
Dissolve baking soda in the hot water
Add butter along with salt
Stir in flour until well mixed
Add chocolate chips, coconut, and oatmeal

Spoon batter onto oiled cookie sheet and bake for about 10 minutes on 350.

This made about 3 cookie sheets full for me.

The coconut and oatmeal measurements are approximations. This was the part I added but I don't measure when I cook my own stuff so I don't have an exact measurement.

I did it!

I signed the family up for a gym membership yesterday and today I went for my first work out. I only lasted about 30 minutes but I feel AMAZING!

I have never been a gym person so this is going to be very challenging for me. I am committed to making the effort. I have to. I feel terrible.

I'm sick of it

I am sick of making up excuses
I am sick of feeling like a stuffed sausage everyday when I try to get dressed.
I am sick of wearing baggy clothes
I am sick of looking like I just had a baby even though it has almost been three years
I am sick of saying I don't have time to work out
I am sick of pretending I can eat how I want and get away with not exercising. That only happens in your 20's.

We have decided to get a family membership gym membership

No more excuses

This is it!

Resusable Bags - Fashion & Function

If you thought carrying around a reusable cloth shopping bag had to be a fashion nightmare think again. Not all the bags are white cotton or hemp. These stylish and colorful reusable bags from Baggu are anything but ordinary.

You can buy in packs of one, three and six. You can pick your own colors and add a storage sack to your order too. Stuff them all in the storage sack and away you go.

Find these bags at Baggu

Some facts on plastic bags from the baggue website

PLASTIC BAGS & THE PLANET The average family brings home 1,000 bags every year. Most of those bags end up in land fills. That really adds up - 100 billion plastic bags are sent to landfill in the US each year.

In landfills, it can take up to 1000 years for a bag to decompose. Plastics don't biodegrade, they photo-degrade, breaking down into tiny toxic pieces that contaminate soil and water or harm wildlife.

Every time you use your Baggu bag instead of plastic or paper you are doing something Good.

the Green Movement

me circa 1991 - high school talent show

I believe I was born an activist. I cannot remember a day when I wasn't questioning authority or pushing for change of some sort. I am sure my parents can attest that this frame of mind was born in me. My earliest memory of resisting rules was in school. By the time I hit high school it was clear to me that I was like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I did understand nor agree with the bell system. Why was I sent to the office if I came in a minute after the bell rang but a teacher could walk into class late? Why did I need a pass to go to the bathroom? Why couldn't I eat during study hall if I was hungry? I felt and still do that young adults need some freedom to grow and ready themselves for adulthood. When I was in school Martin Luther King day was not observed. My junior year of high-school I participated in a protest at our school fighting for the school to observe this day. We held a sit in outside the school's office and did not attend classes all day. Half way through the day we moved the sit in to the library where one by one we got up and spoke about why we felt the day should be observed. We spoke from out heart, read excerpts from books and I even read one of my own poems.

The school responded. They could not change the fact that the state did not at that time recognize it as a state holiday but they promised to recognize it within the school by having an assembly the next year and doing other in class activities. I felt proud at that moment. I still remember the feeling of accomplishment. We stood up for what we believed in and we were able to make change. The school stayed true to their promise.

I then became increasingly interested in the environment. I was a "hippy" of the early 90's if you can believe they existed at that time. The Grateful Dead was still going strong and by the time I graduated from high school I had already seen more than a handful of shows. In fact my father took me to my first show when I was in 8th grade. It was the Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan playing together. It was amazing. The book that changed me was How to Make the World a Better Place by Jeffrey Hollender. In case you don't know Jeffrey Hollender is the president of Seventh Generation. A company I would end up working for 4 years after I graduated from High School. This book basically opened up my eyes to the need for making small changes in our every day lives in order to help clean up our planet. I became an activist for recycling back when it was not mandatory for most towns to recycle. Our town at the time certainly did not. This was 1991.

In college I became a vegetarian. At first I ate nothing but pasta and bagels with cheese. I can remember going into the small health food store that existed in my college town and I would just stare at all the shelves not knowing what to buy and what to do with it once I did buy it. I have now been a vegetarian for 15 years. My knowledge of health, food and nutrition has grown so much over this time. I still choose to not eat it for animal rights issues but also for environmental reasons.

In no way am I living the ideal environmentally friendly perfect life. We certainly do a lot to contribute though. Here are a few things we do:
-Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
-Buy local when possible
-Compost
-Own only one car
-Use cloth bags
-Use only environmentally friendly household products
-Use energy efficient light bulbs
-Grow a garden
-Buy our vegetables from a local organic CSA Farm-share (summer & winter)
-Use rechargeable batteries
-Teach our children about all of the above
-Do NOT use lawn chemicals or fertilizers
-Use a push lawn mower

The funny thing to me is that most of these things I have been practicing for many many years. To me it isn't about who is right regarding global warming. I don't think anyone can dispute the fact that our landfills are growing and growing fast with products that do not biodegrade, I don't think anyone can argue that most mainstream house hold cleaners are not only bad for the environment but especially bad for the health of our families. I think it would be hard for anyone to dispute the fact that it cannot do anything but help the environment to implement some of these changes.

Yes these changes impact the earth, but I also believe they can make changes in a person. In a way becoming green forces a person to look at their life. How they buy, how they horde or dispose, how they live their daily lives. Going Green is a catch phrase that sometimes makes me squirm. It is not a fad. It is a way of life that many people have been doing for a long time. But in the same breath as much as I hate the fact that it is becoming a fad I am also pleased it it bringing awareness to many people who might not have had the knowledge to make these choices. Perhaps making it mainstream will be what it takes for companies and people to start making small changes. I hope it can.

There are so many small changes a person can choose to make. If you can't seem to agree that any of these changes would somehow benefit our earth, at least do a few because they could possible save you some money, improve your health and just maybe make you feel like a darn good person.

This is my third attempt at crocheting a hat. I am actually quite happy with how this one came out. I made it a bit longer than I wanted though. I am going to take a break from hats and move back to scarves for a while. Scarfs help me practice my stitches. And they are just so addictive to make.

Menu planning

Every week I kick myself because I end up spending more at the grocery store than I wanted too. One thing that has really helped me keep a cap on it though is by menu planning. Each week I actually plan out what meals I am going to make. I try to always have at least 6-7 days worth of meals. Now I know this sounds harder but it really does help. I found that once I broke the meals into types or categories it helped. For example I knew that once a week I made a pasta, pizza, soup meal etc. So I start my list knowing in my head the basic categories of foods I generally make in a week. Mine typically looks like this:

Pasta
Pizza
Burrito
Soup
Stir-Fry
Veggie Burgers
Other

Those are my basic categories. Then when I plan my menu for the week I make sure I have the basics to make a meal in that category. Sometimes I have specific recipes I am using so I will write down detailed ingredients that I need for each one. So my next step would look like this.

Pasta - Stuff to make sauce, pasta of choice, parm. cheese, bread, salad
Pizza - dough, sauce, cheese
Burrito - tortillas, salsa, refried beans
Soup - whatever ingrediants I need for the soup I have chosen
Veggie Burgers - veggie burgers, potatoes, frozen veggie
Other - I do try to make something new at least once a week. I save these meals for the weekends when I have more time.


So that becomes my basic list. At least by filling out this basic list I know I have enough stuff to make 6-7 meals that week. I have found by doing it this way I save money because I am buying exactly what i need to make the meals that week. It is also less stressful because I don't have to frett about what I am making each night. I keep the menu plan on my refridgerator so each day I can just pick from the list.

It has really helped me save money and time. Now if only I can get better about all the other stuff I end up buying.

Bring it on 2008

I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready to slow down, smell the roses, drink tea, say no more, say yes to change, reduce the clutter in my life, buy handmade as much as possible, and decide wisely how to spend my money otherwise.

I look forward to practicing yoga and not just for the physical piece of it but also spiritually. I also look forward to a new business relationship I just formed. I am so excited I found a company to work with that has the same standards as I do, the same beliefs and dreams. I can't wait to share the details. More coming soon . . .