Weather girl

Summer is not almost over. I am sick of people saying it is. Today is August 1st. We have an entire month left. Everyone lives so far in the future it makes me sick. With back to school supplies hitting the stores already it is hard not too. I feel like it just started getting warm - hot in fact so I am so not ready for fall clothing. Where are all the frickin' tank tops. Bring them back out people. Summer is far from over.

Plus have you heard? September is the new August. This is what I tell everyone anyway. Depending on where you live you may or may not relate to this but where I am living the seasons have changed. The weather patterns of the months have been changing ever so slightly the past few years. This year is has become crystal clear to me though. September is the new August. I am right. Just think about it. April felt like March, May felt like April, June felt like May and July started off feeling like June but it did start to get much warmer mid month. The warm weather will continue into August but it won't stop there. September is no longer the sweater weather month it used to be. Oh no I guarantee that your sweaters will still be in your closet and you will be thanking me that I told you this secret news.

I'm a Lactivist

Lactivist= lactation activist

I can now officially call myself one. I was a part of a demonstration that was held in my town on Saturday in response to our City Council rejecting a resolution to become more involved in the support and education of breastfeeding in our city. We kicked off World Breastfeeding Week by gathering at the City Hall where there were information booths (I had a booth selling my goods), music and story time for the kids, speakers and a "breastfeeding cafe" where we sat around sharing stories and support. We ended the event by walking through town with banners and balloons. It was trilling. I feel so proud to get involved in such an important issue. We even made the lead story on the 6:00 news Saturday night.


You can read about it here

Breastfeeding Rally

Bad mama poetry

I'm not at my best
the house is a mess
The floor needs mopping
but I feel like sobbing.
The leftovers are aging
my hormones are raging
These are the days I just want to run.

Burlington Council kills breast-feeding initiative

I am disgusted with the fact that where I live recently voted 7 to 6 that the city should not encourage mothers to nurse their babies.

Some councilors said it is not a "core mission" of the city.

I have written a letter in response to the paper. I have also written to my local city council Rep. If you are local you have a voice. Speak out against this stone age decision.

here is the link.

Burlington Council Kills breast-feeding initiative

Dyring up

My milk is drying up. My tears are not. Sal has been weaning himself naturally over the past few months. In May he stopped nursing during the day and was only nursing before bed and first thing in the morning. Next the night time nursing stopped and as of last week the early morning session has stopped as well. It has been a little over a week since I have nursed him now.

Some of you might remember my headache situation. My neurologist thought it was hormone related and once I stopped weaning and my hormones leveled out the headaches might improve. This happened with my first child which is why they came to this conclusion. My headaches have been getting progressively better which is a good thing. I can't help feeling like I am stopping earlier than I would have liked though. But I can't beat myself up about it. I nursed him for 14 months. With my first child it was 15 months and he was also self weaned. Sal has not been begging for it or anything so the guilt is not coming from that at all. I think my sadness is stemming from the fact that I am realizing this might be the last time I nurse a child. I am not sure if I will have any more children.

On one hand I am happy to be getting my body back. I love nursing but I have had a heck of a time this second time around with it. I suffered from a nasty yeast infection in my breast for about 5 months. It was very painful but I pushed through it and continued nursing. So in a way, selfishly I am a bit glad we are done. Glad for my headaches which are getting better, glad that JB can not put him to bed without me having to sure and glad to be getting my body back for myself.

The other part of me though feels such sadness. I miss that time with him. I miss the closeness. I miss him needing me like that. I wonder if I will experience the feeling of nourishing another child in that way again. It means Sal is growing up and moving on which is a wonderful but bittersweet moment.

Time goes by so quickly. Children grow so quickly. As much as I embrace his changes and growth I can't help by want to hold on to my little baby. Have him hold on to me just a little bit longer.

Being grown up

Being grown up is hard. Being a mom is hard. I hit a slump this week. I knew staying home full time with my kids was not going to be easy but I have hit a wall and I need a break. This week the thought of getting up and making three breakfasts, three lunches and four dinners plus sweeping and doing dishes three times a day just makes me want to puke.

I need a bitch session so here it goes:

I need a vacation to break up the monotony of my days right now.
I need friends to hang out with during the week.
I need my kids to stop pulling on my clothes and sucking every ounce of energy I have left.
I am tired and worn and frazzled.
I feel like a frumpy mom for the first time ever.
I have lost myself. I have lost my style.
I can't lose my baby weight even though my baby is over a year old.
I sometimes wear the same pants several days in a row because they are so comfy and are the only things that fit me right now.
I don't get carded anymore when I go to by beer.
I can't get up early in the morning the way I used to.
I feel old.
I hate my clothes.
I hate my hair,
I hate my changing skin.
I hate my stretch marks. I hate my scars.
I love my kids but fuck is this hard.

Self Promotion - The Annemarie Necklace

The focal point of this summer sensation is a very large mother of pearl pendant measuring 70 X 90 mm. It is stunning. It is strung on silver plated stainless steel with lemon jade beads and two orange glass beads at the very end. I have finished it off with sterling silver crimp beads and a sterling silver toggle clasp.

Purple Elm Jewelry

"We don't eat chicken"

My friend Nuclear Mom inspired this post.

I have been a vegetarian for 14 years. JB is not one but since I do the majority of the cooking he eats that way at home. If we go out to eat or to a friend's house for dinner he will eat meat. I have no issues with him eating meat at all. We are raising both of our boys as veggies. I decided early on that when and if they decide to eat meat (I hope never) they can do so (maybe).

So up until this point Enzo knows we don't eat meat. He tells people we are vegetarians and will correct guests by telling them it is "soyroni" on our pizza not pepperoni. Up until this point though he hasn't realized that JB eats meat occasionally. We just don't usually call it out. Last weekend we were at a World Cup party and my friend was getting ready to start up the grill. She called out asking JB if he wanted a veggie burger or chicken. He replied chicken. Enzo's ears perked up and he said "We don't eat chicken". So we explained that sometimes Daddy does eat it. He was so intrigued he wanted to see what it looked like. It occurred to me at that moment that he had never seen meat before. His idea of a chicken exists in his books and he no idea what we meant when we said daddy was about to eat chicken.

When he actually say the cooked meat on the plate he looked less enthused. "That's chicken?" he said. That was that. He went on to get a plate of non meat food. Didn't even ask to try it (wiping brow).

I do want him to know where meat comes from. I don't want him to just see a package of meat at the supermarket and think it just comes from the store. Just as I believe it is important for children to be involved and understand gardening so they see where their veggies come from, I think it is also important for them to know that meat comes from an animal who is killed. Not that I am ready to tell him all of this now. I am just realizing that I need to dial my dialogue for when the big convo starts.

gray day - nothing to say

I have nothing to say today so I thought I would just post two new pics of the boys. Enzo is being his sassy self and Sal is playing with his new wooden toys.

DIY Yard Project

This was my first DIY project since buying our house in December. We have rented it for the past 4 years so it was very exciting to finally get my hands dirty and make some changes. We had a walkway into our backyard that was grass with walking stones. The stones were nice but covered mostly by grass and dirt. The ants decided to move in and built so many homes that the walkway looked more like a dirt track. Needless to say I was looking forward to trying something new.

My neighbors helped me with the idea of laying down pea stone instead of grass but using the existing walking stones. Since they were going to get more pea stone for their yard they also offered to let me go in on it with them since they had a truck. Sunday we ripped up the grass. Monday morning my neighbors left early to get the pea stone and Enzo and I put down the landscaping cloth and placed the walking stones in place. We then shoveled the pea stones into place and we had an instant transformation. The whole project cost me $10 because my neighbors provided me with the landscaping cloth and the edging so all I had to pay for was the pea stone.

I love it. Here are some pictures of the process.

Music moves the soul

I have always been a music junky. I played the clarinet in middle school. I went to my first concert when I was in the 8th grade. My father took me to see the Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan. That was the first of many concerts through high school and college and beyond. I worked at a record store all through high school. I started playing the guitar and sang in the select choir in high school. I attended more concerts than I can remember. Music has been a major part of my life.

then I had kids. I played my guitar after I had Enzo a lot. Even ventured out to an open mic night for the first time in many years. Since having Sal though my guitar has not seen the light of day. I took it out one day and started jamming out some kid songs. Enzo took his guitar out too and said "Mommy, I love jamming with you." That's my boy.

Even keeping up with new record releases and new bands has been tough these days. I am happy to say however I am making it a priority in my life again. I need nights of no jewelry making, no childbirth studying, just me and my guitar in the basement again. I have also been listening to an assortment of music lately. Here are my recent favs. There are probably so many more I could list here but this is what I have been playing for the past month.

My Morning Jacket - The Tennessee Fire
Neil Young - Living with War
The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
Built to Spill - You in Reverse
Dashboard Confessional - I am anxiously awaiting their new album
Green Day - American Idiot
Jenny Lewis - Rabbit Fur Coat
The Heavenly States
The Pants
Neil Cleary

So what this means is I am going to try and work less and play more. Let music creep back into my soul where it belongs. I am heading to my second local show this month tomorrow night.

rock on.

Sweet words

Last night I had one of those melting mama moments.

JB was upstairs getting Sal dressed for bed. I came up and sat down on Enzo's bed while they were finishing. When Sal got up JB said "Sal look who is here now." Sal walked over to me and said "ma ma ma"

I swooped him up and hugged him tight and said "that's right. I am you mama."

It was his first time saying it to me. It was the sweetest thing.

Those are the moments that take away all the yucky ones from the day.

thank you Sal.

A letter to Enzo

The following post was originally written by my husband to our oldest son Enzo (age 4 1/2) on his blog
mentalpackrat

It is so beautiful and touching I just had to share it with everyone. I actually have a very hard time reading it and I cry every time.

So with JB's permission here it is:
-------

goodnight
June 24th, 2006

Dear Enzo:
Tonight I read you the last chapter of The House at Pooh Corner, and I am hoping that you didn’t notice me choking up a little as we read. I had a hard time finishing it without a tear, and I don’t think you noticed that it slipped out as we were having our nightly snuggle time upstairs before bed.
In the chapter, you see, Pooh, Piglet, Eyore, Kanga, Roo, Owl and Rabbit all say goodbye to Christopher Robin, because they know he is Going Away, even though they don’t know where he is going or why. Afterwards Pooh is the only one left, and he and Christopher Robin go for an aimless walk.

Christopher Robin asks Pooh what his favorite thing in the world to do is:

“‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best–’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what that was called…”
‘I like that too,’ said Christopher Robin, ‘but what I like doing best is Nothing.’
‘How do you do Nothing?’ asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time.
‘Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and then you go and do it.’
‘Oh, I see,’ said Pooh.
‘This is a nothing sort of thingthat we’re doing now.’
‘Oh, I see,’ said Pooh again.
‘It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.’
‘Oh!’ said Pooh.”

Then later we come to the part that made me sad:

“Then, suddenly again, Christopher Robin, who was still looking at the world, with his chin in his hands, called out ‘Pooh!’
‘Yes?’ said Pooh.
‘When I’m — when — Pooh!’
‘Yes, Christopher Robin?’
‘I’m not going to do Nothing any more.’
‘Never again?’
‘Well, not so much. They don’t let you.’
Pooh waited for him to go on, but he was silent again.
‘Yes, Christopher Robin?’ said Pooh helpfully.
‘Pooh, when I’m — you know — when I’m not doing Nothing, will you come up here sometimes?’
‘Just Me?’
‘Yes, Pooh.’
‘Will you be here too?’
‘Yes, Pooh, I will be, really. I promise I will be, Pooh.’
‘That’s good,’ said Pooh.
‘Pooh, promise you won’t forget about me, ever. Not even when I’m a hundred.’
Pooh thought for a little.
‘How old shall I be then?’
‘Ninety-nine.’
Pooh nodded.
‘I promise,’ he said.
Still with his eyes on the world Christopher Robin put out a hand and felt for Pooh’s paw.
‘Pooh,’ said Christopher Robin earnestly, ‘if I — if I’m not quite –’ he stopped and tried again — ‘Pooh, whatever happens, you will understand, won’t you?’
‘Understand what?’
‘Oh, nothing.’ He laughed and jumped to his feet. ‘Come on!’
‘Where?’ said Pooh.
‘Anywhere,’ said Christopher Robin.
So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them along the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.”

It wasn’t until I read this, Enzo, that I really, truly faced the fact that you will someday grow up. It hit me like a thunderclap, and I nearly wept with such joy and sadness. It is the best and the hardest thing about being your daddy. I am so proud that you have grown into such a big four year old. But as quickly as these years have gone, I know the rest will go, and like Christopher Robin, the time will come for you to put away toys.

When that comes, I will comfort myself with memories of sitting with you, reading a Pooh story before bed, with you listening to the story and “all the things you can’t hear”, and me trying not to shed a tear that another day with you has come and gone.

Goodnight, sweet boy.

Mama Match

I had a good experience in high school. Maybe that is why I am sucking at fitting in with the cliques that are around my life now. Mom cliques. I had a good friend who used to live here. Our kids were about the same age. We both worked at the big "B" in our early twenties. Both moved out to California and lived for a few years. Both fell in love, had some kiddos and ended back in VT. We hung out weekly. It was a very comfortable friendship. Then right when I finally decided to quit my job and stay home full time she moved.

I have been on my own since trying to fit into a world of play dates, sippy cups and exclusiveness. I go to the parks, I go to the music events, I go to the library. Where are all the hip mamas? Perhaps they are so hip they don't go to any of these places. I don't know. I can't seem to meet anyone. Everyone seems to already have their group of friends or whatever mom's club they belong too. I feel like I am on the dating scene again. When I go to the park I want to walk up to people I see and ask them if they have any room left in their social circle for another mom. It is desperate and sad. I just keep hoping as I did before I met JB that one of these days I will see someone across the park from me. Another mama who looks like maybe she doesn't fit in either. Maybe our eyes will meet and we will just know. We will know we have found our match.

Maybe I have found another company I can start. Mama Match - meet someone who won't crimp your style.

I will start.

Me:
age:33
hair: brown
kids: 2
Likes: Loud music, wooden toys, digging in the dirt with my kids and drinking beer
Dislikes: McDonalds, plastic parents, toy guns

wanna be my friend?

Big weekend

Anniversary

Friday was my 6 year wedding anniversary. JB and I had plans to go out for dinner. I was given a gift certificate to a local restaurant from a couple I taught a childbirth class to so we were very excited to be able to use it. Our plans fell through. The friend who was going to watch the boys was unable to do it. So we ended up making pizza with the kids and then after they went to bed we had a beer together on the deck and made brownie sundaes. We hope to be able to go out for dinner next week instead. I was a bit bummed we could not go on our actual anniversary. JB and I have not done anything to celebrate our anniversary out of the house since I was pregnant with Enzo. That was 5 years ago. Ok that is sad. We are only celebrating our 6 year anniversary now. Wow. That is what happens when you start having kids one year after getting married I guess. All in all we had a wonderful time and now we get to celebrate part 2 next week.

-----------
Father's Day

We had beautiful weather for father's day. Enzo and I made pancakes and coffee for JAB before he got up. He got to sleep in a little late. After Sal's nap we headed to the beach. Enzo is like a little fish in the water now and Sal loved sitting on the shore playing with beach toys. We packed a picnic lunch and ate at the park. I think JB had a good time. I feel blessed to have him. He is like super dad. Even though I might complain sometimes if he doesn't do something exactly as I might have done it - I feel very grateful because he is so involved and helps out everywhere. I think I could make a lot of money if I start cloning him. Just kidding JB.

I also need to say my thanks for my own father. I wish I could have seen him in person to give him a big hug.

Activist Alert

From time to time I will post info on here for what I consider to be an important issue. If you also find it important please feel free to partcipate.

Today's is about the organization CCFC - Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood

The following is info sent out from the CCFC
------------------
The issue:

Intensifying our efforts to stop false and deceptive marketing by the baby media industry, CCFC has filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) against BabyFirstTV, the first television station for infants and toddlers, for false and deceptive advertising.

In an amendment to our May 11, 2006 complaint against Baby Einstein and Brainy Baby, CCFC charged BabyFirstTV with violating Section 5 of the Federal Trade Commission Act by marketing their programming as educational for babies. CCFC is asking the FTC to prohibit BabyFirstTV from making unsubstantiated claims about the educational and developmental benefits of their programming and to require that promotional materials for the new channel prominently display the American Academy of Pediatrics' (AAP) recommendation of no screen time for children under two.


If you haven't already done so, please take a moment to urge the FTC to investigate our baby media complaint.


BabyFirstTV promotes its programming as "an educational tool that provides a positive learning environment" and as "specifically designed to enhance developmental skills in areas such as creative thinking, math, sensory skills, language, social skills and creative play." BabyFirstTV also touts its "Color-coded Programming Guide" claiming that it "helps inform parents about the educational value of each segment" of programming. For instance, according to the guide, the Thinking Journey series "engages children in identifying patterns of thinking and developing creative ways of viewing the world."

"There is no evidence that screen media is beneficial for children under two--and placing babies in front of screens takes them away from activities that really do promote healthy development," said Dr. Susan Linn, CCFC's co-founder and author of Consuming Kids. "BabyFirstTV shouldn't deceive parents by claiming that their programming is educational for babies. It's clever marketing, but it's just not true." According to a recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, parents' belief about the educational benefits of television affects the amount and frequency of children's viewing time.

Please urge the FTC to investigate CCFC's baby video complaint. If you have ever purchased a baby video for your child because you thought it was educational, please describe your experience in the "add a comment" section of the petition. And help us protect babies and children from commercial exploitation by spreading the word to friends and family.

Thank you.

The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood is a national coalition of health care professionals, educators, advocacy groups and concerned parents who counter the harmful effects of marketing to children through action, advocacy, education, research, and collaboration among organizations and individuals who care about children. CCFC supports the rights of children to grow up - and the rights of parents to raise them - without being undermined by rampant commercialism. For more information, please visit: www.commercialfreechildhood.org.

Mother/Daughter necklace set

This was a custom order for a dear friend of mine. He and his wife were having their second child and he asked me to create a special mother/daughter matching necklace set to give to his wife and their toddler.

These are made from dyed purple fresh water pearls, Hill Tribe silver tiny beads and Hill Tribe silver heart pendants. Strung on wire with sterling silver toggle clasps.

It was an honor to make these for my friends.

They just had their baby (a boy) the other day - Welcome to the world Hugh!

Sal communicates

Not sure if he is officially speaking yet but I understand what he is trying to say so I guess you can call these his first words.

1. Up - he will say up as he crawls up the stairs. If you say the word up he high tails it over to the stairs because he knows the gate is down and he can crawl upstairs.

2. Hi - he started saying this when I would walk into his room after he woke up from nap. Now he says it all day long. He will waddle into the room and just say "hi"

3. Besides speaking he is finally doing some baby signs. He will sign for eat, more right now. He understands what some others are but those are the two he is doing on his own.

Wooden Wonders

Call me old fashioned, call me a hippie but I am just so sick of cheap plastic toys. When I was first pregnant with Enzo I had all these ideas of how life would be. I wanted to have as natural of a home as possible. I wanted as little plastic as possible. For the most part we made this happen. I think we provided a good balance between some good quality wooden toys and some plastic ones. As the years went on however the plastic has just overtaken our house. Between all the birthdays and Christmas holidays we have had the plastic has now outnumbered the wood. I had let it slide because Enzo was older and not putting everything in his mouth anymore. When Sal was born I dug out all my old wooden rattles and bought a few new wooden baby toys. The problem I am finding now is that he just wants to play with Enzo's toys. He always has some type of plastic person or car hanging out of his mouth. The amount of little "guys" as Enzo calls them and plastic pieces belonging to what I have no idea laying around my house is insane.

Perhaps it is my small house, perhaps I am turning into a minimalist. At any rate - the shit is going. Today I visited my favorite web site for wooden and natural toys Rosie Hippo and spent more than I should so I could throw out all the crap and replace it with some basics. They are a wonderful company based in WA state. I have ordered from them many times and have been very pleased with their products and service. Here is what I bought. Don't judge.

Zippy Cars

Big Rollie Car

Rainbow People Mover

Painted Bendy Dolls

and

Classic Telephone


Don't think I am becoming a total purist here . I am not getting rid of all of it. Just the excess junky toys. They don't play with that stuff anyway. Give my kids string and a box and they could play all day. The plastic flashy stuff ends up alone in the closet anyway.

Cover your ears - this is about girlie stuff

After two years my aunt flow decided to come back for a visit today. Yes it has been two years. The first year I was pregnant and this second year I have been nursing full time. I have felt her presence the past few months as Sal has begun self weaning but today she came back full force. I had forgotten the cramps, the bloating and the mood dips. I was sad in a way. Not only because now I have to deal with monthly bleeding and feeling like crap again but also because it marks the end of this chapter. My body is now moving on from it's postpartum state. Moving past the pregnancy and nursing hormones and getting back to normal.

I have been trying to live by the "be here now" mindset lately so given that I will embrace these changes and help my body through this crazy rollercoaster and hope once my hormones straighten out so will my headaches.

Studio - in progress

Here are the before pictures of the jewelry studio I am building in my basement.

The house we bought last year came with a section of the basement that had a work bench. The basement is unfinished but the potential is there. As my jewelry business is growing I have realized how desperately I need a dedicated space to work. My process so far has been to pull all of my materials out at night after the kids go to sleep and set it up on my kitchen table. I then have to clean it all up before I go to bed. It is a pain especially if I have not finished a piece. So to make a long story short I started work this rainy weekend on cleaning up the basement and creating my studio space.

As you can see from the photos there is a lot of cleaning still to do. This weekend I focused on vacuuming up all the spiders and spider webs and cleaning out the work bench. It felt nice to replace all the old tools that never get used with my jewelry making tools. I found that cloth at a yard sale this weekend and covered up the icky top. Despite all the clutter and trash around the space still I was able to block it out and pretend it wasn't there. I ended up making two new necklaces in my new studio. It felt wonderful.

I show updates as the studio progresses.

Self Promotion

It was a cold and rainy day today. I wanted to make something that made me feel warmer. So Molly was born. Doesn't it just make you think of summer?

It is made from carnelian pebble beads, yellow jade round beads and a yellow jade trapezoid pendant. Strung on wire with sterling silver crimp beads and a sterling silver toggle clasp. The necklace measures 17 "

Available at Purple Elm Jewelry

Home sweet home

My mama is home safe. It looks like she is going to be ok.

My Mother

My mother is in the hospital. She went in last Saturday because her blood pressure was very low. She was having some pain in her back so they ended up doing a CT scan and first thought they saw something on her thyroid. After performing an ultrasound yesterday they have determined there is indeed something there that should not be but it is not on her thyroid. It is behind her breast bone. At this point we are not sure it is on a lymph node or not. They are biopising it today and we will then have to wait several days or more before we get the results back.

I am scared. I am trying to stay in the moment but it is hard. My mother is my best friend. She is my rock. Nothing can happen to her. Nothing.

Finish The Sentence Survey

Finish the sentence...
FINISH THE SENTENCE SURVEY courtesy of Nuclear Mom.

1) My uncle once... Took me moose hunting.

2) Never in my life... Did I imagine I would have this beautiful family.

3) When I was five... I thought the world was safe.

4) High School... I wish I could go back

5) I will never forget... Having surgery while 7 months pregnant.

6) I once met... James Hetfield

7) There's this girl I know who... Secretly watches America’s Next Top Model.

8) Once, at a bar... I was refused access because my license said my eyes were hazel and the bouncer thought my eyes looked blue. I pitched a fit and went back the next day to confront the owner. I was 21 at the time and it forced me to change my license to now say my eyes color is DIC which I guess means I have not particular eyed color because it can change.

9) By noon I'm usually... Ready for a nap.

10) Last night... I found out my mother is in the hospital.

11) If I only had... More energy.

12) Next time I go to church... I will pray for my mom.

13) Nick Devlin... ? what? who?

14) What worries me most... My children. I worry about their safety.

15) When I turn my head left... I see my book case and couch.

16) When I turn my head right... I see JB sitting at his computer.

17) You know I'm lying when... I can’t lie. Just look into my eyes.

18) What I miss most about the eighties... Metal bands

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be... Juliet

21) A better name for me would be... Super dishwasher, sweeper, diaper changer, hip huggin' rock lovin', straight shooter, fietsty italian/irish yellin' mama.

22) I have a hard time understanding... Child pornographers.

23) If I ever go back to school I'll... Get a degree in Nutrition.

24) You know I like you if... I let you take a drink of my beer.

25) If I won an award, the first person/people I'd thank would be... My Parents.

26) I can't live without... my family.

27) Take my advice, never... Lie. You will always get caught.

28) My ideal breakfast is... Eggs and Soyrizzo from Bitterroot in San Francisco.

30) If you visit my hometown... Don’t blink too fast or you will miss it.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars... Purple tulips are my favorite, character flaws are special, microchips will save the world, track star - whatever.

32) Why won't anyone... Stop this crazy war.

33) If you spend the night at my house... Be ready for good food and good beer.

34) Your momma... is an amazing.

35) The world could do without... George Bush.

36) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than... have surgery while pregnant again.

37) My favorite blonde is... Drew Barrymore.

38) Paper clips are more useful than... guns.

39) If I do anything well... being creative

40) And by the way... Live each day through the eyes of a child. They do not worry about tomorrow. They do not remember yesterday. They only know today. We could all learn a lot from children. And speak up for what you believe in.

Little boy growing

So the sun finally decided to make an appearance today. It was quite nice. I took the boys to the beach and Enzo had fun digging for treasures. I have mentioned in previous posts about his recent curiosity in babies and baby related issues. So far I have been comfortable answering his questions. Today he stumped me. We were having lunch and he said "So, how exactly does the baby get into the Mommies belly?" I said, "Well Enzo that is a complicated question. We might want to wait until you are a bit older to talk about that." He replied "Daddy talks to me about complicated things though."

Yeah good point Enzo. Shit - what do I say now? I somehow dodged it and he moved on. My little guy is growing up and asking lots of questions that I am not ready for. What is happening? He is 4 1/2 going on 14.

I am not ready for this.

Gray Days

"Gray day . . . Everything is gray. I watch. But nothing moves today."

from
My Many Colored Days by Dr Seuss


This sums up my day today - actually the past few months. I am so tired of seeing clouds sand rain. It is weighing down my head, my body and my mind. I live in the Northeast so I wait all winter long to see the sun. This spring has simply sucked. It is memorial weekend next weekend and I can't remember having my windows open once this spring. My plants are water logged, my grass is water logged, we are all water logged. I have a new patio set I got for my birthday that has never felt a person sit on it. It is just soppy and sad.

I am feeling rather blah. Sorry for the depressing post today.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today is my birthday.

Yee-Hoo!

That is about all I have to say about that.

My wild weekend

Wow what a weekend. One of my bestest friends from NH came up for the weekend. We had such an amazing time. The last time she came up our way was probably close to 10 years ago. We talk weekly, email several times a week and I see her usually when I visit my family. She left her family behind and braved the rain to be with me for a birthday weekend celebration. My birthday is on Monday the 22nd. We got a bit of an early start. Of course it rained ALL weekend until Sunday after she left. I have a great deck and yard with a brand new patio set I got for my mother's day/birthday present. I have just been waiting for someone to come up so we could spend hours at night sitting outside chatting and sipping a few cocktails. Well it rained the entire time she was here. We made the best of it though and had a great time.


Forest is a friend I met in high school. When she moved to my school she was sporting a shaved head, flight jacket, mini skirt and combat boots. It wasn't in school where we me though. We both answered an ad for a record store that would be opening up in our town. We were both hired to start working before the store even opened it's doors. We could not have been more opposite. I was a bit of a hippy back then (ok a total hippy)and she was a punk. There we were forced to work together in this record store that she eventually became the manager of. We became fast friends and it has never slowed down. I eventually left town for college and a stint in CA but we held tight to our friendship. We have not let distance separate us at all.

When I left for college she gave me her beloved flight jacket to take with me. I don't know if any of you are familiar with these jackets but they are very important to punks and I still to this day don't know how she passed it on. But she did and I kept that thing with me every move I made. It is funny but we have not spoken about the jacket since she gave it to me.

Saturday night we are sitting in my kitchen and for some reason I thought to bring it up. I told her I still had the jacket and she just about dropped to the floor. When I brought it out from my closet she started crying. It was a beautiful moment. It was now time for the jacket to return home.

We stayed up too late and consumed too many beers but what fun we had. It was worth the pain I felt the next day. I did not want to let her leave on Sunday morning. So Forrest - thank you again. Thank you for buying me my ornamental grass for my garden, thanks for the Sierras and as always - thanks for listening, sharing and for that wonderful caring heart you have.

Update on head issue

Quick update:

Neurologist thinks my headaches are hormone related. Argh - that was my assumption. I should get paid a lot of money too. Anyway - the thought is that because I am in the process of weaning the baby my hormones are trying to get back to their pre pregnancy state. The Neurologist wants me to finish weaning, let me hormones get back on track and then see where I am at. I am glad we are on the same page at least. I wasn't expecting a magic pill nor did I really want to take one but it does suck that I have to suffer until the hormones calm down a bit.

On a brighter note - I am taking the advice of someone who posted a comment (thanks by the way) and I am going to see a Chiropractor on Monday (which is also my birthday - hooray to me). This Chiropractor also talks about nutrition exercise and the whole package. Funny that my regular Dr. has not asked me one singe time about my diet or exercise. I am not trying to diss mainstream MDs - I just have not had much luck with mine lately and feel like they could sometimes spend a bit more time looking at the person as a whole.

ok I am done ranting for today. One of my best friends from NH is coming up for a weekend visit. I am so excited! We are going to have early birthday celebrations for me. I love this girl. I will tell you about her later but we met working at record store high school. Off to finish cleaning my house before she comes.

Have a great weekend.

This old house

Recently my children and I spent a week at my parents house while JB attended a class for work. This is the house I grew up in. It is an old New England home built in 1910. It is up for sale. I am quite sad. I never thought I would be so attached to this house until the time came when I realized it might not be there anymore. I guess I always expected it to be around. This was my first home. The only one I knew until I left home for college. Even then I returned a few times after college while I figured out what I wanted to do next.

Returning there with both of my children allowed me to view the house in a different light. I was able to see the house and yard with my youthful eyes for the first time in a long time. Watching Enzo explore the backyard which was once my stomping grounds was amazing. I wondered if he thought of it as big as I did back then. I wondered if he viewed the trees as an enormous forest that witnessed so many of our adventures. I showed him a section of the yard I called my secret space. We used to pretend it was our house. Really it was the underside of some large overhanging bushes with some granite slabs we called our kitchen table. He instantly became intrigued and crawled inside. The imagination began. "I am the father bear and you can be the mother bear" he tells me. "This will be our house and we can eat the berries off the trees as our food." he said. We sat out there while Sal napped upstairs in my old room.

I wanted to take it all back with me. We collected rocks and small pieces of granite to bring back and add to our garden. This would have to do for now.

This old house is more than a place I grew up. It represents many generations of my family. For my mother grew up just two house down. At one time all three houses next to each other were owned by my Mother's parents. My Uncle and Aunt also lived in my house at one time and eventually my parents bought it from my grandparents. My father's mother eventually moved into one of the family houses right next door before she passed away. My Nana and Papa (Salvatore’s namesake) who owned the other two houses next to mine have also died so those two houses were sold years ago. That transaction was tough to watch but when this one goes through it will be the end. The end of a family across two generations who raised children and lived lives. A place I call home and will always call home.

Happy Birthday Sal!

My little boy is 1 year old today.

Salvatore aka:

Salvie
little guy
Ooba
Ooba booba
bubs
bubba
shabaubba

Yes our little boy is now 1 year old. We had a wonderful weekend. Because today is also Mother's Day we decided to have a small celebration yesterday. My parents came up for the event and a few close friends joined us as well. We had a great time. Enzo helped me bake the cake. We made a butterfly cake made from a wonderful apple spice cake recipe and homemade cream cheese frosting.

It is amazing to me how fast this year has gone. Enzo's first year went by fast but this one was even faster. Everyone had warned me how different the first year with the second child would be. It was spent juggling the needs of a 4 year old and a baby. No time for private googling time, ingesting each small moment. Instead they have gone by like a flash of lightning. I barely recorded his milestones. I pieced them together today on various scraps of paper that just happened to be laying around at the time. Baby book? Are you kidding? I have one but it has not been opened yet. So to make myself feel better I will record them here. Here are the highlights.

Rolled over - almost 3 months
Army crawl - 5 months
Blow raspberries - 5 months
Smiled - sometime in here
First solid food - Bananas and he loved them. Still does
First steps 10 1/2 months. Was walking full time at 11 months
Claps - 11 months
Waves - 11 months
First sounds he just started making: baba (for ball), dada, uh oh (as he holds his hands up and out) and he just started making ma ma sounds but not all the way yet.

ok I feel much better those are recorded somewhere. I will start working on his book I swear.

I look at him and I am so thankful each day. I lost my first child when I was 9 weeks pregnant. It was a very rough experience for JB and I. We called her "little". "Little" died on October 6th 1999. Enzo was born exactly two years to the day on October 6th 2001. Salvatore's original due date was May 6th which was a day or two off from "little's" due date. These are not coincidences. This is the cycle of life in action. I look at Enzo and Sal everyday and I am thankful. I can't help to think of what "little" would look like today but I know that Enzo and Sal each represent her in their own way.

Salvatore and I have been through a lot together. While I was 7 months pregnant I ended up having an emergency appendectomy. I have had 3 other surgeries in my life but his was by far the scariest. I never imagined being wheeled into the operating room with a baby in my belly. I didn't know what was going to happen. We both pulled through strong and I think it has effected out bond to this day. I was so afraid of losing him. It was a scary time.

So one year later Sal is walking, playing and learning new things each day. He is such a wonderful child. Watching him grow and play with Enzo has been such an experience.

So Salvatore this is for you:

Small angel of mine
by the light of the moon
I think of you.

I think of you growing
inside of my belly
I think of when tragedy struck
and we stuck together
like two peas in a pod.
You helped me stay strong and healthy
for both of us.

Your tiny hands and feet
amazed me when you were born.
Soft skin / like satin
Body snuggled warm.

You just wanted to be held
and I just wanted to hold you.

My little guy
with the large brown eyes
I love you more and more each day.

Happy Birthday Salvie and Happy Mothers Day to me and all you other Mama's out there.


Sal's original birth story

Enzoisms

Enzo had a few interesting questions for me today.

1. Why are cowboys and cowgirls called cowboys and cowgirls when they don't ride cows they ride horses?

2. A friend of ours just had a baby boy named Liam and he asked "how did they know the baby was a boy baby?

The first question was easy. They are called that because originally these people were hired to tend to the cattle.

The second question I simply answered by saying that boy babies have a penis and girl babies do not. He replied "oh yes that is right. I had forgotten that."

Napping house

Sal has never napped anywhere but in my arms until this week. He is one week shy of turning a year old. I tried almost everything but could not get him to nap in his crib. He would fall asleep nursing and I was not able to transfer him. He went down fine at bedtime so after finally listening to my gut I decided to just let him nap on me. People were horrified. They felt so bad for me. It was kind of funny to hear reactions from people. Like it was such a damaging thing to have my child sleep in my arms.

Yes at first it would have been nice to get a few things done if he would have gone in his crib. Once I was able to let go of trying so hard and just let it be we settled into a nice routine. The first reason I loved it was because it was honestly the only two times in my entire day I was allowed to sit down for that long. Each day I knew I had an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon to put my feet up and relax. Enzo doesn't nap but he would take some quiet time to do other things during this time too. The second reason that made it ok for me was that my gut said it was fine. In my heart I knew my baby just needed a little extra love and comfort. I think people forget too easily that babies need to be babies. We rush them the second they come out of our bodies. We rush them to be independent from us, we rush them to sit, walk and eat. The next thing we know they are grown and we crave those baby moments again. I simply chose to hold on a bit longer, listen to my babies needs and trust he will let me know when he is ready.

That time came this week. Like magic the boy sleeps in his crib twice a day for naps. He has been slowly weaning a bit at the same time. The day time nursing has been cut way down (by him) and with this came these new nap routines. I now just rock him in my arms to sleep and put him in his crib. We are going a week now and I am loving it. I can now enjoy this bit of time I get to have with Enzo knowing I gave Sal the extra love he needed until he felt he was ready.

Heavy head/Sad heart

I am now writing from my parents house where I am staying for a week. Saturday we were packing up to leave on Sunday and my headache got so bad I ended up having to go to a Saturday clinic to be seen. Come to find out what I have been treating as an ongoing sinus issue is actually a migraine I have been suffering from for a month now. The Dr told me to take mega dose of Advil several times a day with some caffeine. I had a good day on Sunday as we traveled to my parents house but once Monday came I was so sick again we ended up at another Dr's office and then to the ER for lab work. She agreed it was probably migraines but wanted me to have some blood work done to double check. So I ended up having to take some pain meds last night to get to sleep. Today I will get the results of the bloodwork back.

I am fed up. I have been half living for the past month. Enzo has watched more tv in the past month then he has in his 4 1/2 years because Mama can't drive anywhere because her head hurts so much. I need to get better. I need to be able to take care of my family again.

My theory is that a lot of this is hormone related. I have had migraines before and I certainly have a family history of them. I used to keep a headache diary because ironically enough the last time this happened to me this severe was just about the same time (9 or 10 months) postpartum with Enzo. I was in that time frame post partum with Sal when all of this started. Because I am nursing my menstrual cycle has not started back yet. I believe it is going to soon and the hormones are causing these headaches. Hormonal headaches are real. Many women suffer from them every month. I think there is a real cause to have a later postpartum check up with women. Especially if they are nursing past 6 months. We have our babies, go to a 6 week postpartum check up and then that is that. Months later when we think our bodies should be back to normal and feeling great we are hit with a ton of bricks and are left to wonder why. I have read that many women might not even get hit with postpartum depression until later in that first year.

I am going to make it my mission to research this in more detail. Luckily it goes right along with my current childbirth education classes. I look forward to learning more about it and hopefully teaching others.

The other sad part of this is that I will probably have to stop nursing. Sal is almost a year so at least I have made it this far. I know he will be fine but I wish it didn't have to end under these circumstances. So far the meds I am taking are compatible but I have to be ready for it to come to close soon.

Adventure

Normally I count down the hours until the end of the day on Fridays. People sometimes say that once you are a SAHM the weekends don't matter. Forget that. Are you kidding? The weekends mean JB is here to help out and I have an adult to talk to. This weekend is different though. I have been dreading the coming of this weekend. JB leaves on Sunday afternoon for a week long training trip out of state. First of all I hate staying home alone. I always have. I just simply do not like staying home by myself. The second reason is that it means I will be by myself with two children 24 hours a day for 7 days in a row. Can you say INSANE! I know I am lucky. There are many single parents out there that do this all the time. God bless you. You are the strongest people on the face of the earth. I am just too used to JB coming home for dinner time and helping out. So to say the least I am terrified.

He has gone away for a week before when Enzo was a baby but it was easier then because I worked full time. I just dropped him off at daycare and only had to deal with him by myself at night. This is different. This is all day and all night alone. HELP!

So I have decided to go to my parents house for the week. They live in NH and it is on the way to where JB is going for class so he is going to drop us off on his way and pick us up on his way back. I did think of this as an option earlier but honestly at first I always thing of being away from home as being harder. Just because it is more difficult to be in someone else's home dealing with dinners and bedtimes - my kids don't always adjust that well. But it is something I need to get over. I need to just go with the flow more. So off we go. My kids will be so excited to stay with Mimi and Grampa and I will too. Even though they live three hours away we don't get down there as much as we should. So it is a last minute decision but a good one. I am psyched. We are going to have a blast.

Have a great week. I will post about our adventures later.

late.

Tiny Hands part 2

Those tiny hands
have learned to do more
They now clap and wave
like never before.

Tiny Hands

Tiny hands moving swiftly
wrapping fingers around mine
as we nurse -
I nourish / you play.
I love how soft your tiny fingers
feel as they search for my hand to grab onto
as if grabbing on to life as you know it.
Still tied to me by endless flowing milk.
I dread the ending of this relationship.
It is exciting to watch you grow
but I am not quite sure
I am ready to let go.

The Monday Blues

Boy do I have the Monday blues today. The weekend went by way to fast. I had two friends from high school come up for the weekend. They are married with a three year old and another on the way. The weather turned to crap of course just in time for their arrival. The rain held out on Saturday at least so the kids got to run around the yard when they first got here. We were going to try and go somewhere but we decided to stay put and visit instead. It was a wonderful day. Enzo and their daughter Sophie got along very well and played hard all day. We ended up ordering pizzas for dinner (yeah no cooking) and then they headed off to their hotel for the night.

Sunday was a rainy day so we decided to have lunch at our house and then take the kids to our local aquarium. The kids had a blast. The parents were all pooped and so we called it a day. My friends left to go back to NH.

It was great to see them. We had a blast. Now it is Monday and I am missing my filled house. It seems empty now with just me and the boys.

Loosening the grip

How as parents do we learn to balance keeping our children safe while allowing them to learn and grow in this crazy scary world? I have been pondering this question since becoming a parent 4 1/2 years ago. As Enzo gets older I find myself having to let him go a little bit more each day. At the playground as he climbs higher and higher I stop myself from always saying "be careful honey". Each day I see a new obstacle that with my guidance he must learn to over come. We can help guide them and teach them the lessons of life to prepare them for their own flight. We cannot however control the world in which we live. I would love to though.

Yesterday my sister and her family were at a local baseball game. Her youngest daughter (age 5) was playing with a group of children and fell on something which cut her skin from the base of her spine to the top. She ended up in the ER. She is fine. She had stitches but she is fine. It was terrifying for my sister though. It was one of those situations that just happen sometimes. As much as we want to have total control all of the time we simply can't. Every single day I try to tell myself this. To be ok with this and let my children live. I do of course but I now understand why my mother worried so much. Why each time I left the house and said "don't worry mom I will be fine", "I don't know where we are going", "I'll be back later, don't worry." Don't worry. Don't worry. How on earth is a mother not going to worry. I will sleep with one eye open when my children start driving around town too. For now though I have to be ok with play dates, older kids and letting go just a little bit more each day.

Who am I kidding

I went to visit a friend last night. We hung out at her house, had a few beers and stayed up way too late talking. I used to be able to stay up late and be fine the next day. Not anymore. I feel old. I feel frustrated that I can't even take any "me" time at night because I am too tired the next day. Night time is the only alone time I have. Being able to escape to a friend's house is incredible. I love getting out of my house and escaping for a few hours. The time just goes so fast and the next thing I know it is very late and I need to rush home to bed and hope the baby doesn't wake up until at least 4 or 5 am. Sal did end up waking up at 4:00 this morning but luckily he was willing to nurse in bed and he fell back to sleep until 6:00am. JB got up with him so I could sleep until 7:00 but I am still dragging today.

Despite the tiredness the day is just beautiful so the boys and I have been outside all morning working in the garden. Our veggie garden used to have an ugly wire fence around it but we removed it last year to make the garden more accessible. The darn squirrels are digging up our peas already though so we decided to put the ugly fence back up. Enzo helped me with that task this morning while Sal played in the sandbox. We got it half way up. In the meantime my mother in law told me about a trick to keep them away. You sprinkle cayenne pepper on the soil and supposedly they don't like it. I will give that try.

Back to fun in the sun for me. And early to bed tonight.

On my own again

I have been spoiled the past few weeks. First we had JB's father in town visiting for a few days and most recently JB's mother has been staying with us. We live three hours from my family and half way around the world from JB's so seeing family is a treat for us. Although we have a tiny house I love having people stay here. It is a great break from being alone with the kids all day. So we had a great time with JB's Dad and then his mother came last Friday and is leaving tomorrow. I have really enjoyed the company. Since having children I have begun to miss having family around. There are days when staying home full time gets very lonely. I am trying to meet people but it is just damn hard these days. I would love to be able to drop the kids off at the grandparents house sometime or have them visit more. There are days I just want to pack it all up an move home to be closer to family.

I grew up with all of my relatives and lots of family friends in my life. I guess now that I have children I am missing that part of my past. I want to recreate what I remember but it seems like no one is around. People sometimes seem so busy these days to get together anymore.

So I am on my own again as of tomorrow. I will be at the local park with my kids looking to meet someone new. Why do I feel like I am dating again?

Let's gather, let's greet, let's be merry and drink.

Happy Easter

Easter snuck up on me this year. I have been suffering from my constant sinus issues again so I was not feeling in the spirit this past week. On Saturday we realized that we had for some reason told Enzo that the Easter bunny would bring the Buzz light Year that he has been begging us for. My parents used to have the Easter bunny bring us a gift or two so I thought I would do the same. Buzz Light Year is the last thing I EVER imagined I would allow in my home.


It has a few strikes against it.
1. It is a character from movie. So far we have avoided this for 4 1/2 years.
2. It talks
3. It is simply annoying.


But I am trying to learn how to choose my battles and as he gets older there are things we need to bend on. How grown up of me huh? So I sent JB to Toys R US (ick) to get one. I was thinking of an action figure size or something. JB calls me from the store to tell me all they have is this very large one which needs batteries of course. I wanted to scream. It was only $12 though and I was desperate so I told him to get it. So as you an imagine Enzo was simply beside himself this morning when he woke up to find the Bunny had delivered.


Boy did I really set myself up for trouble each Easter now.

I still can't believe I have a large and loud Buzz Light Year in my house.

What was I thinking?

Baby Raspberries

So you know what a tummy raspberry is right? Well I do it all the time to Sal (who is just 11 months this weekend) when I am changing him and it makes him laugh so loud. The other morning he was in bed with us and my shirt came up a bit exposing my stomach. Sal bent down and gave me one. He then looked up at me with a huge smile on his face. It was so incredibly cute.

Enzoisms

So today we are eating lunch and I decided to ask Enzo two questions I probably only have another year or two left to be able to ask.

Me "Enzo, tell me what your favorite thing about Daddy is."

Enzo "His scratchy face when it tickles me and that he is so funny."

Me" What is your favorite thing about Mommy?"

He got up from his chair and came over to mine and gave me a big hug. I said "what do you mean?" and he said "I love your hugs best of all."


I am still a puddle on the floor.

Cloth diaper review

So about a month ago I made the switch to cloth diapers. After spending a few months doing research (you would not believe how many options there are) I decided to buy
Fuzzibunz which is a pocket diaper. After a month of using them here are the highlights of my findings:

1. They are incredibly cute. The color choices are wonderful.
2. Much easier to use than I thought. Diaper changes are just as quick as with a disposable. There are not pins or covers with these diapers. You just pre stuff the diaper with one of the inserts and they are ready to snap on.
3. Washing isn't as bad as I thought. I wash probably about every 3 days or so. I hang them out to dry when possible so I don't end up using the dryer too much. There is no way I am spending in water and electricity what I was spending per month to buy disposables. No way.
4. No more gel balls on my babies skin from the SAPs(Super absorbent polymers)

So there you have it. It is not as hard as it looks. JB was surprised how easy it is too. I am glad I made the jump. It feels sort of liberating (in that hippy kind of a way) to not be dependent on the evil diaper companies any longer.

Buy Fuzzi Bunz Here


go cloth!

Sal walks!

I forgot to post this earlier. As of April 1st our littlest Sal took his first steps. He had been on the verge for weeks. Taking one step and then falling on his bum. He finally took about 4 steps the other day. He is not walking full time yet but I am sure it will be here quicker than I am ready for.

Yeah Sal!

Rejuvenated mama

I am one rejuvenated mama after this past weekend. A new hair cut and a weekend of outside bliss. JB had a company ride day on Friday so he went riding in the morning but then came home early in the afternoon. It was in the 70's on Friday. We decided to invite some friends of ours over at 4:00 to make pizza and have a beer on the deck. Boy was that just what I needed after being stuck inside sick for so long. It was such a great day. Saturday morning JB took Sal and Enzo food shopping (bless his soul) so I could get some yard clean up. It was amazing to be outside in my yard working without constantly being on the lookout for the kids. I got most of our flower beds raked out but there are still more to go. Sunday morning Enzo and I did more yard cleanup. The most exciting part is we planted out peas in our veggie garden. He was very excited.

I had been having the bug to cut my hair off again. I get this quite often. Especially after having babies. My hair is so wonderful when I am pregnant but then after the baby is born it turns to crap for the next year after that. So it was too long and driving me crazy so I got it chopped. Oh well it will grow back.

It isn't as warm today but I feel so great after spending so much time outside this weekend. It was just what I needed to get me through this week.

Spring has sprung

Life is good again. My sinus infection has pretty much cleared. I have finally felt like I am living above water for the past two days. The sun decided to show itself in our dark state and the warm weather came with it. Spring is here! For this week at least. It felt so great to get outside in our yard with Sal and Enzo yesterday and today. Enzo and I decided to make a garden journal. So yesterday we made it out of construction paper and string. We made maps of our garden and I drew them in the book. Enzo helped me list out what veggies we want to grow this summer and then we plotted out on our map where they will get planted. Today we worked on decorating the cover and next we have to start on the maps of the flower gardens. It has been a great project so far. Enzo and I built a bean stalk for our beans and peas to grow up.

Today outside we started raking out the side of the garden that has his digging hole and his wildflower garden. He gets one side and the other side is the veggie garden. I will take some pictures tomorrow of the "before" planting. He really enjoyed raking the leaves into a huge pile and hen jumping in. I had let Sal loose on the ground. Keeping my eye on him while I raked nearby. The kid is too quick though. Next thing I new he had a huge wad of dirt in his mouth. Yum.

Being outside today made me realize how much I love the warmer months. I really enjoy the coming of spring. It lifts my spirits and refreshes my winter weathered soul. Digging in the dirt is very therapeutic for me. I feel alive again.

Sick again - I hate the East Coast today.

This time a horrible sinus infection.

I have a new theory.

When I am pregnant I feel great. When I am not pregnant I feel like shit.

My headaches and sinus issues disappear when I am pregnant. The minute I am not they come back full force.

What does this mean? I am not sure yet but I am so sick of nothing making me feel better I am about ready to start a litter of kids here. I am desperate for relief what can I say.

I suffer from seasonal allergies that didn't hit me strong until after Enzo was born 4 years ago. I finally went to the allergies last year and found out through testing that I am allergic to cats, dust and basically every plant, flower and tree on the East coast. The worst part comes in the winter when the house gets shut up and the heater comes on. I suffer all winter until spring comes.

Just another reason why we need to move West again.

Wool nursing pad review

I am on day two of wearing my new wool nursing pads. They are insane. Hands down the best thing I have used so far. I just can't believe it took me two kids to finally find them. I ordered them from Danish Wool

Misconception #1 - Isn't wool itchy? I think of itchy thick winter sweaters when I think of wool. These are not itchy at all. They are so incredibly soft. Better than the plastic feeling disposable I have been wearing and even better than the cotton ones.

Misconception #2 - Isn't wool too hot? they are not too hot. Wool is breathable and keeps you warm in the cold months and cool in the summer months. These can be worn all year round. In fact breastfeeding mothers are advised to keep their breasts warm to help prevent plugged ducts and mastitis. After suffering from over almost 10 plugged ducts this year these were absolutely heavenly to put on. I HIGHLY recommend them.

The following info is taken from their website. Visit their website for more info but here are the basic selling points.

>Most women need only 2 pairs for the entire nursing period. When one pair feels wet, let it dry while wearing the second pair. Lanolin's cleansing properties keep the wool fresh and hygienic.

>The wool can absorb up to 40% of its weight without feeling wet. When the pads do feel wet, they're warm, not cold and clammy as with cotton or disposable pads.

>Your skin is kept dry and able to breathe, allowing sore nipples to heal.

>Scandinavian midwives have, for centuries, advised mothers to protect their breasts from wind and cold to prevent plugged ducts and mastitis. Larger sizes give protective coverage over greater a portion of the breast.

>When needed, wash by hand in lukewarm water with mild hair shampoo, alternating with LANACare 20% Lanolin-Soap. LANA's lanolin-replenishing soap has a much higher lanolin content than most other wool-washes and will keep your pads feeling soft and soothing
-------------

So there you go. They rock. Buy some.

Cloth diapering freak

So I have been researching cloth diapers for several months now. I finally made a decision and ordered my first pack of 12 FuzziBunz yesterday. Today I ordered a wool cover for nighttime. I am waiting anxiously for my goods to come in the mail this Friday. I am a bit nervous about it but I think I am ready to make the switch. At least while I am at home. I just can't spend money on disposable anymore. I know that washing the cloth diapers cost money too but I don't care. It is not as much and you can't dispute the landfill of human waste and non biodegradable plastics. I have also decided to ditch my disposable nursing pads and go for wool ones as well. Wool is the magic material I am finding. Super absorbent and self cleaning. I love wool. Yeah!

JB's birthday

JB turned 34 today. We all went out for breakfast at our favorite spot. We used to eat there every weekend for the past 5 years but ever since I stopped working it was one of the things that had to get cut so this was a special treat. Our friend who is a waitress there brought him a piece of cake when we were finished and all of the wait staff sang happy birthday to him. It was really nice. We were planning on driving up Mt Phillo and walking around in the woods with the kids but when we got there the road was closed so we decided to attempt a short hike. It is a small mountain but the trail is steep and we did not bring the backpack for Sal so all I had was my sling. Not the best for hiking but we made it work. We had a nice small hike at least. We then came back home and Enzo and I put frosting on the cake I had baked the night before. After cake and ice cream I told JB to get out of the house and go enjoy a few hours to himself so he went downtown, grabbed some coffee and walked around browsing in bookstores. We had a nice day. I hope he enjoyed it. He says he did but I just get weird about birthdays these days. I have always been a big birthday fan. Of mine and other people's. Pre kids we always had big parties with friends etc but these days it is difficult to just do the basics for each other. I always want to give him the world and make him feel extra special on his big day. He is finishing off his night playing video games right now so I think he is happy.

Baby proof my life

Please someone baby proof my life. I have a monster on my hands. My (almost 10 month old) child Salvatore is now nicknamed Troubletore because he is into everything. The following saying is SO true - "If you had your second child first you might not have tried for another." We were SPOILED with our first child. He slept through the night at 9 weeks and never stopped. He got through teething a mouthful a teeth without even a peep. He never tried to put too much into his mouth as a baby either. And then there is Troubletore. Child #2. Sleeping has been a nightmare and around the house he is a human vacuum and walking disaster. If there is an outlet uncovered for one second he his radar goes off and the kid flies over to it ready to stick anything he is able to inside. Don't worry the covers are always on. Anything his big brother drops on the floor as he runs about ends up in his mouth. I run around like a crazy lady collecting chokable items from the floor. Enzo just seems to drop something where ever he goes. I am losing my mind. Sal's hand must enter the VCR 100 times a day. He never wants to mouth his own thicker board books. Oh no - instead he must pull all of Enzo's books off the shelf and eat those instead. Baby toys are a waste of money too. He doesn't want to play with them. He just wants anything that Enzo has touched.

ARGH!

Ok I am done venting. I feel much better now. Oh shit there he goes again . . .

Sleep glorious sleep

Ok I must be dreaming. Sunday morning I opened my eyes, looked at the clock and gasped. It was 7:00am. I put Sal down to bed at 8:00pm and this was the first time he woke up. Well he had a few quick wake ups at about 8:30/9:00 but whatever - he did not wake to nurse until 7:00am. It has been almost 10 months since I have slept that much. I felt awake, alive, half normal. The week leading up to this he has been sleeping better. Getting up at 5:00ish was his norm for his first feeding. A HUGE improvement over every few hours. Even 5am felt heavenly to me. But 7:00? Damn this is the life.

Self Promotion

Purple Elm Jewelry is open for business!

My online store is officially open for business. I have found a wonderful website called Etsy which is a online marketplace for buying and selling all things handmade. I am very excited to finally be able to offer my jewelry online.

Please check it out and pass it along

Purple Elm

Stop and smell the children

I was in Costco with both of my children the other day when another Mom with two kids walked by me with her cart and I heard her with frustration in her voice say "oh come on you guys I am so tired of this right now." Not sure what the situation was but oh I have I been there many many times while out shopping with my kids. Just at that moment though an older and wiser woman who had also heard this mothers frustration offered this advice to her. She said "Just remember, these times are tough but they go by so fast."

How right she is. It is so easy to forgot sometimes. It is so easy to get caught up in these short moments of frustration with our children. To get annoyed that perhaps our day is not going as "we" plan it. We sometimes forget that once you have children how "we" plan our days don't really matter anymore. Sometimes I find that when I just simply let go and not let all the little things in my day add up I feel more sane.

I have been struggling a lot since become a SAHM with mothering my 4 year old. He is willful, feisty and can be very temperamental at times. Oh he reminds me a lot of myself as a child (and now). Too much sometimes. It takes incredible patience on my part to get through my days without losing my mind. As with many stressors in life though I am realizing "this too shall pass". I try to remember this advice each day. It is also nice to get these little reminders from strangers (even at Costco) that even though these days can be challenging with small children, they soon will grow up and these moments will be gone. I am going to choose to ride out these stormy waves and instead focus on the mellow ones.

So remember to stop and smell the roses today. Whether or not you have children - this is about choosing to focus on the positive things in your daily life and try to let go of the little things that may seem like they are important at the time.

Letting go

My oldest son is 4. He doesn't turn 5 until October so he will not be eligable to start kindergarten until he turns 6 because their cut off is Sept 1. I was a bit bummed when I found out he couldn' go. He seems ready and honestly I was looking forward to it being free and not having to pay for preschool. I have heard from some people it is better for them to start a year later (especially boys) because they just are not quite ready for it at the age of 5. I am starting to understand why. I have to admit something now - I am afraid of public school. I went to public school from first grade all the way to graduation so this is not coming from someone who was privately schooled or anything. I am simply afraid of letting go of my little boy. I am afraid of watching him walk in those doors a sensitive, creative and compasionate little boy and walk out a jaded, pushy, misbehaving one who knows too much too fast.

My son has recently been associating with another child who started kindergarten this year. Before that when they hung out I did not notice the difference in their age. Now when they hang out I see what a difference there is between age 4 and age 6. Today I took him to the park to play and we ran into this other child who was also at the park with her kindergarten class. The other children were just wild playing on the playground and several times I saw my son get pushed around. Not on purpose or anything but it gave me a glimpse of what things could be like in the future. I felt for the first time this overwhelming need to protect my child from the world. Two of the children ( a boy and a girl) were chasing each other. The girl said to the boy "come on let's go under here to do it." The boy said "no. people will see us. Let's wait and do it on the bus." Then she ran away and as she did he yelled at her "I already got my first kiss anyway and it was from a boy." It was at this moment I decided to home school my children (half joking)

Then I had one of the sweetest moments of my life. My Son was showing his older friend he could climb up this tall ladder. She climbed way ahead of him to the top as I noticed his shoe lace was untied. I stopped him so I could tie his shoe. She sat at the top calling to him "come on up. what is taking you so long?" My young son (without any hesitation or embarrassment) simply called back to her "Hold on. My mommy is tying my shoe first." I felt so proud and then realized that if this were to happen a few years from now he probably would have said to me "come on mom - just let me go" instead. But for now he didn't. For now he is still my little boy who loves to give me hugs and hold my hand when we walk. Who gets shy around new kids and new places and likes to stay close to me. I will cherish these moments forever because I can already feel them slowly slipping away.

I am not naive. I am not one who thinks the world is that different from when I was growing up. Most people my age seem to forget what it was like when they were kids. I grew up fast and saw and did things at an age that even most of my friends now did not do. I don't expect to make my kids live in plastic bubbles (although I would love to at times) but I did not expect to have to confront my first step of letting go so soon. I am so thankful now he can't attend kindergarten this fall. I get one more year of him being all mine. Where my influences still rule and where I am his world.

8 hours of heaven

Last night I slept 8 hours in a row! It is the first time in 9 months this has happened. I don't know why. I am not even asking. I do not expect it to ever happen again but I am going to enjoy it. I put him to bed at about 7:00. We heard him wake up a little bit around 9:00pm but he put himself back to sleep. Around 1:30am I heard him wake up so I went downstairs to use the bathroom before I settled in for my usually middle of the night feeding. Except this time when I came back upstairs I did not hear him. He must have fallen back to sleep. I quietly climbed back into bed and the next time I opened my eyes it was almost 7am. I am in shock still as I type this. Big change from the every 2 hours he has been doing.

Quiz

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Mine

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: Sage green

Q: Do you have any pets?
A: A dog Silis who does not live with me.

Q: Most recent movie that you watched?
A: Oh my gosh I really don't think I have one. I was watching Sex in the City DVDs 9 months ago when I went into labor with my second son. I have not watched one since then because I haven't had evenings to watch them in.

Q: Name 3 things that you have on you all the time:
A: Diaper bag, cell phone, graham crackers

Q: What's the color of your bedsheets?
A: Tan

Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
A: $15

Q: What were you doing at midnight last night?
A: sleeping

Q: What's your favorite part of the chicken?
A: I don't eat meat

Q: What's your favorite town / city?
A: San Francisco

Q: How did your last relationship end?
A: over lunch

Q: I can't wait to ...
A: Sleep more than 3 hour stretches.

Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: December

Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: 3 months

Q: What's the last thing you said out loud?
A: "Yes I see what Sal has now. He is fine"

Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: My two kids

Q: What is the last thing/person you spent over $100 on?
A: My house

Q: Who's your favorite villain?
A: Vampire Lestat

Q: What's the last piece of clothing you loaned to someone?
A: A bunch of maternity clothes to a friend of mine.

Q: What web site(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: SF Gate, mothering.com

Q: If you could drink anything right now what would it be?
A: Beer

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: No

Q: What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
A: Burlington VT

Q: Do you own a picture phone?
A: No

Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: Tall Coffee - black

Enzoisms

I was putting Sal to bed when I heard Enzo had woken up. I finished putting Sal down and I went over to his bed to get him settled again. I told him it was time to go back to sleep. He said to me "Remember what I told you? I don't go to sleep until I forget I am in my bed."

take a moment

when days are long
and tears run far
and all seems to go wrong
just reach out.
Touch that sweet gentle face before you
wiggle their tiny toes
hug them tight and remember.
how little they once were
how much crazier things have been
how much you have learned
and how strong you now are

it is amazing
this trip we are on
when at times it seems so tough
I stop for a moment and smile
and I feel so thankful
for all I have
and for who I now am.

I try to remember

I try to remember who I used to be
Some days I feel like I am losing me
I have so many roles that I have to play
It would be so easy to walk away

Freedom is so easy to take for granted
The childless see things oh so slanted
I can recall the days of simple jest
Now all I pray for is a little rest

Take your freedom and fling it
I don't want to hear your moans
Of 2:00am jaunts and your tired groans
I am’ a kick ass girl livin in an ass kickin' world
I just want to believe / in something.

Music was always my inspiration
I still turn to it when I am frustrated
Or when I need to close my eyes and swim
Through an ocean of indie rock musical films

My dream is still strong
Despite that fact it has taken this long
For me to pick up my pen and write again.
Now that the momentum is flowing
I will try to keep going
And not lose site of the powers within.

Who knew?

I never imagined in a million years I would become an addict. A graham cracker addict that is. Graham crackers are the secret snack that many people do not know about. Low in fat but big on taste. It all started seconds after becoming a mom. After pushing for 5 hours to birth my first child I was exhausted and starving. The nurse brought me in a few packages of graham crackers from their kitchen. I had been on a strict diet with this pregnancy because I had gestational diabetes so these few graham crackers that I was now allowed was the sweetest thing I had put in my mouth in months.

I would not encounter the graham cracker again for a few years until Enzo grew older and started eating more snack foods. I started buying him a box or two as a treat. He ate very limited sugars growing up so like my first bite after giving birth these were a treat for him too. Our favorite brand was New Morning - no hydrogenated oils and sweetened with honey (you can find these in any health store) perfect I thought for my little guy. 4 years later I am still buying them. Enzo has sort of outgrown them though and I find that I am the main consumer these days. Because of this I have graduated to the cinnamon version which has just a touch of cinnamon and sugar on top.

Listen up!

If you have kids and they have a runny nose and others in your family have been sick - PLEASE STAY HOME!

Of course what Sal picked up (argh) spread to Enzo. Sal is still super sick. Going on a week now. Saturday night Enzo woke up at 11:00 vomiting in his bead. Sal woke up because they now share a room and it took us until after midnight to get everyone cleaned up and back to sleep. I am also now coming down with something which means at some point this week J will have to take off work to care for all of us. Just wonderful.

This used to piss me off when I was still working too. Freakin' people who are obviously very sick and should be in bed come into the office because they feel obligated. They sneeze and cough everywhere spreading their shit everywhere all so they don't look bad for missing work. Then what happens? One by one others get it. STAY HOME and take care of yourself or your kids. Geesh.

I made it!

I have had a hellish week. Sal developed his nastiest cold yet on Tuesday and since then we have been stuck inside all week. The poor baby has been so sick all he wants to do is sleep on my chest all day. So Enzo (much to his liking) has watched more TV than the kid has ever seen in his life. We are not by nature big TV people for our kids so this was a big treat for him and a huge guilt issue for me. The biggest struggle I am facing now that I am a SAHM is trying to balance the needs of two children who have very different needs. The 4 year old wants to go go go and the 8 month old wants me to hold him all day. On a normal day I am finding some balance but when one is sick like this it throws everything off and I am left feeling like a bad mom. See Sal has never and still does not sleep in his crib during the day. The only naps he gets are on me. So add a horrible cold on top and you have a baby glued to my lap from the early morning hours until 6pm. One more hour to go until J gets home. I can't wait!!!!!! This staying home thing is SO much harder than anyone can imagine. It is by far the hardest job I have ever had. Bon-Bons my butt.

Just my luck

My washing machine broke today. I am swearing very loudly right now.

It is amazing how dependent we get on machines. I have pounds of laundry to do and a broken washer. The repair person isn't coming for two days. I feel so lost. Two kids and no washer. Just how did the generations before us get by? I had just bought some cloth diapers to try out too. Now I don't dare try them in fear they will sit dirty for days before it is fixed. Back to the disposable I guess. Oh well, I tried to be environmentally friendly this week.

Tagged

I was tagged by Nuclear Mom

The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits I have" and people who get tagged then write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don'?t forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says you have been tagged? (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours.

1. I can't go to bed without checking the locks on the door and making sure I shut the oven off. I only check once but I have to do it before I can go to bed. I usually go to bed before JB but I cannot leave the task to him. Could be because he would possibly (ok probably) forget to lock the doors. It drives me nuts but something I just have to do.

2. I also have visions of leaving the oven or coffee maker on while pulling out of the driveway so I usually have to go back to check and make sure they are all turned off.

(wow I am sounding paranoid)

3. I am sometimes known for playing "While You Were Out" by myself. JB has come home more than a few times to a rearranged house because I just could not wait for him to come one and help. He will usually say "how the hell did you move all that by yourself with the kids here?" It remains a mystery.

4. This one drives JB crazy. I have to time the beginning of a show or movie we are about to watch with my snack. So say we are about to sit down for a movie and we are going to have some ice cream JB has to cue up the movie for me so it is ready to start (no previews etc . . .) when I sit down with my ice cream. I just can't stand it when my ice cream is gone because I am waiting for the movie to start. I just hate it.

5. My feet always have to be covered with a blanket while sleeping. Even when is 95 degrees plus humidity in the summer I have to at least have the sheet over my feet or I just cannot sleep because I feel too exposed.

Hit the books

Now that the holidays are over and I have put jewelry making on the back burner for a few months I need to start focusing on my Childbirth Education studies. For anyone who does not know this I am studying for my certification to become a Childbirth Educator through ALACE - Association of Labor Assistants and Childbirth Educators. It is harder than I thought. Not the material - I love the books I have to read and the assignments I have. It is finding the time to actually do it. We just moved little S out of our room and into E's room last weekend so Mama finally has her room back. This means I can actually read in bed again. I am finding though that by the time I am done with my day and I get myself up there to study I am so tired I get one chapter read if I am lucky. It is my resolution though to get on the fast track with this. I have a lot of pregnant friends I promised free classes to while I practice for my certification. So on that note I am off to read my one chapter of the nite.